“Maybe he doesn’t want to be with us,” I continue, stroking Jeremy’s hair.
I wouldn’t have dared to say such words a few months ago. I always kept my words to myself, was mad on the inside but refused to let it show on the outside.
However, something’s changed ever since I mistook myself for being Winter. I freed myself in ways I never thought possible, and it’s only because of that freedom that I’m able to embrace my true self.
I’m able to talk aloud about what I want.
As much as I hated those couple of months and the loneliness I felt, I don’t hate my newfound freedom.
Or my voice.
Jeremy grips the bottle of juice as he stares up at his father. “Is that true, Papa?”
“Not at all, Malysh. I love spending time with you.”
“And Mommy?” Jer, bless his little heart, is the first member of my fan club.
“And your mother.”
He’s insincere, judging by his apathetic tone, and that’s why I need to strike the iron while it’s hot.
“Then go on a vacation with us,” I say nonchalantly.
A muscle tics in his jaw, but he quickly masks it. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Or we can talk about it now, isn’t that right, Jer?”
“Right! Go on vacation with us, Papa.”
Adrian stares at me and I stare back. When I was Winter, his eyes started making me uncomfortable at some point, because I didn’t recognize that I knew them, intimately so, and he can get scary whenever he directs his impenetrable intense gaze at me. However, I refuse to cower.
I meet him stare for stare, tipping my chin up for good measure.
Jer clutches his sleeve, gazing up at him with those huge eyes that neither of us can resist. “Papa, please.”
Adrian releases a sigh. “Fine.”
“Yay, Papa!”
“Next week? The one after?” I push.
“We will see.”
“In two weeks, then. Hear that, Jer? The three of us will go on a trip.”
My son’s eyes widen as he looks between us. “What type of trip?”
“We’ll let your father surprise us.”
“Yay!” Jeremy kisses me and then his father.
Adrian tightens his hold on the phone and I can tell he doesn’t like the fact that I indirectly forced him, but I need more time with him outside his work and the house. I need to rebuild our relationship before it’s too late.
That is, if there’s anything left to build.
The thought sends a shiver through me and cripples me to my bones.
As soon as we reach the house, Adrian gets out first, followed by Boris.
Kolya lingers a bit behind for the first time ever, not eager to be on his boss’s heels.
“What?” I ask when he keeps staring.
“You…shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
“Used Jeremy to force his hand. That’s what his mother did. She used Boss so his father would do things her way. Needless to say, he hates it.”
Shit.
Just when I think I’m making things better, they end up being way worse.
8
Lia
Adrian spends the rest of the day cooped up in his office with Kolya.
No surprise there.
Unlike before, however, I don’t sit around and wait. I don’t have a pity party for myself, bottling up the pain of being neglected or moping around because he doesn’t come for me.
That Lia was killed at the bottom of that cliff.
I might not have come out normal after the fall, but now I’m well aware of who I am.
Something changed in me after that night and I’ll embrace that change. It might not be the best, but it’s better than how I was before.
I wait until it’s Jeremy’s bedtime, then read him a story that makes him giggle. He hugs my waist, fighting the sleep from his metallic eyes as they droop. “Don’t leave me, Mommy.”
“Never, my angel.” I kiss the top of his head.
Soon after, he loses the battle to sleep. I gently pry his fingers from around me and tuck him under the blanket before I stand up. For a moment, I remain there, watching him and noticing how much he’s grown up.
It feels like yesterday that he was born and we had to flee for our lives. My baby boy has been resilient since the very beginning.
Abandoning him with a strange woman, even at the promise of reuniting with him, worsened my state of mind. I recognize that now. That’s why I used the information I learned from Winter about losing her own child and mixed it up with the emptiness I had for not having Jeremy with me. Then I came up with a completely different identity.
I need to pay Dr. Taylor a visit because I have to prevent that from happening again. Feeling like another person, a stranger, in the company of my son and husband was the worst experience I’ve ever had to endure.
Worse than being trapped in the black box as a child.
Worse than the ending of my career.
At that moment, I saw myself as an imposter who was stealing another woman’s family, and God help me, I wanted to steal it.
I wanted this life. I wanted Jeremy and Adrian to be all mine.
It’s ironic, considering I spent a great deal of effort trying to escape from being me. I never knew how much I was attached to my life until I nearly lost it.
Until Jeremy and Adrian were no longer my family.
Turns out, they always were. Or at least, Jeremy is. I need to do something about Adrian so that he doesn’t treat me like a stranger.
And the best way to do that is to learn some information before facing him.
Thankfully, I know the right person for that.
After kissing Jeremy’s forehead one last time, I step out of his room and go downstairs. I throw on a coat and slip out of the main house.
The freezing air chills my bones and I tighten the coat around me as I cross the distance to the guest house.
Boris and another guard stand out front, smoking and talking in Russian. Upon seeing me, they toss their cigarettes and Boris hurries to block my entrance.
He’s about the same build as Kolya, but has mean features with thin lips and a pointy nose.
“Evening, Boris,” I say in my most welcoming tone.
“Mrs. Volkov,” he greets back in his gruff Russian accent.
A sudden frisson goes through me at that name. When I thought I was Winter, I hated it because I was jealous of her—me. But when I was Lia, I refused to admit how much I loved having that last name attached to mine.
“I need to see Yan, Boris.”
He clears his throat. “That won’t be possible. Boss’s orders.”
“Are you going to use force to stop me?”
His and the other guard’s eyes widen at the suggestion. “Of course not. Boss would slaughter us if we touched you.”
“In that case, let me in.”
“I’ll have to report it to him.”
“Do it then. Tell him to come and stop me himself.” And with that, I brush past Boris, slightly scared, slightly excited about the fact that Adrian might come to fetch me.
But before that, I have to get the information I need.
The room in which Yan is resting is on the ground floor, but I stare at the stairs. Winter is up there and probably has been for the past two months. She’s another mystery I need to solve.