“Oh, wow. I mean, I thought I’d just come on and talk or something. This sounds like Ben and I are going to have to spend a good deal of time together.”
“You’ll be paid for your time, of course,” Waltraut says. “Also, the publicity will do a lot to enhance both of your agendas.”
Oh, my God! My app is going to go global! I make a mental note to investigate having it translated into other languages. It’s already available in English and Spanish, but if I’m going to be on national television regularly, I can definitely parlay that exposure into more.
“Thank you so much for this opportunity,” I tell Waltraut. “I won’t let you down.”
“I’m sure you won’t. Now, give Dr. Williams a call. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Charley has since jumped up and is hopping around my loft looking like she’s performing some kind of tribal dance. When I put my phone down, she lets out an honest to goodness scream. “You’re going to be famous!!!”
“I think you’re right,” I tell her, feeling every ounce as enthusiastic as she is. “But I have to work with that Ben guy.”
“You mean Dr. Banana Pants,” she bursts out laughing. “Did you see the hashtags they’re using for you?”
I hurry over to the couch and sit down with my laptop. #SassyStarLady, #LaLaLopez, and #WhatsUrSign are the most popular. I click on the Live for Your Star Sign page and see that I have over eight thousand new Instagram followers since yesterday.
Picking up my phone, I add Ben as a contact while I tell Charley, “Dr. Banana Pants and I have some work to do.”
Then I send him a text, because there’s no way he’s going to actually take my call.
LibraGrl: Hey Ben. It’s Serafina Lopez from the Live for Your Star Sign App. Looks like you and I have a new gig together. Waltraut wants us to pitch her three segment ideas by tomorrow morning. I thought we might consider an “Eat for your Star Sign” thing. I’d talk about interesting stuff and you could talk about Tang or something. Isn’t that what the astronauts drink in space?
* * *
DrBananaPants: …
* * *
DrBananaPants: …
* * *
LibraGrl: I’ve rendered you mute with possibility, have I?
* * *
DrBananaPants: …
* * *
LibraGrl: Should we grab lunch or dinner and plan the other two pitches together?
* * *
DrBananaPants: …
* * *
LibraGrl: Earth to Dr. Banana Pants; come in, Dr. Banana Pants …
* * *
DrBananaPants: It’s pretty rich that you’re using that ridiculous moniker when you’re the one who picked out those hideous pants.
* * *
LibraGrl: I thought you might find it funny since you’re the one who called them banana pants to begin with. So, dinner? Drinks? How do you want to do this?
* * *
Dr.BananaPants: I’m absolutely not meeting you for anything. As for the segment, I’m going to use my time to discuss the first of the five current ways we’re searching for planets. It’s called radial velocity (there’s a good explanation of it on the NASA Kids website if you'd like to read up on it). If you want to talk about star sign nonsense, that’s up to you. Perhaps we can find out how many minutes we have on air and divide it proportionally based on importance.
NASA Kids site? Rude! I can go to the regular NASA site, thank you very much. “Charley, as fast as possible, find out what you can about radial velocity. I need this jerk to think I know what it is.”
After about thirty seconds, she says, “It’s observing changes in a star’s light caused by a planet orbiting it. The planet and star have a tug of war going on that causes the star to wobble a bit … blah, blah, blah … gravitational pull … Doppler effect.”
“Thanks.”
LibraGrl: Well, if you’re talking about radial velocity, that’ll be a great opportunity for me to discuss the tug of war between opposing star signs in the dating world. But in order to appear professional, we really should get together and hash out a plan. Unless you’re afraid of me, of course. In which case, you should see if a braver nerd can take your spot on the show from now on.
* * *
DrBananaPants: There is nothing we can accomplish in person that we can’t via text.
* * *
LibraGrl: Ah, so you are intimidated by me.
* * *
DrBananaPants: Obviously not. I’m just extremely busy with far more important things. However, in the interest of ending this inane back and forth, I’m willing to meet you at the benches on 103rd Street at Riverside Park at six p.m.
* * *
LibraGrl: Are we going to have dinner after that? Where should we go? I hear there’s a great new place on Broadway and 107th. Should we meet there instead?
* * *
DrBananaPants: We are going to sit on a bench and spend a grand total of five minutes together and not a second more.
* * *
LibraGrl: I just looked up the name of the restaurant. It’s called The Cove. I’ll meet you there at six thirty.
I don’t actually want to share a meal with Ben, but I do want to make two things abundantly clear to him from the start. The first is that he is not in a position of power between the two of us. The second is that I like to eat while I think.
I ignore his twelve other texts where he tells me that he’s not going to meet me at The Cove and that he will be sitting on a bench in Riverside Park at six instead. He can text me all he wants. I am not losing this battle.
Ten
Ben
Alec: You’re going for supper with her? Don’t you hate each other?
* * *
ObiWan: Yes and yes.
* * *
Alec: Hmm … maybe she doesn’t hate you. It sounds like she pushed pretty hard for a date. You know what they say about opposites attracting …
* * *
ObiWan: I assure you there’s NO attraction between us. I’m going to meet her, have a quick appetizer, go over what we’re going to talk about on the show, and get the hell out of there.
* * *
Alec: If I were you, I wouldn’t be in such a rush. It’s not every day guys like us get to sit at the same table with a gorgeous woman like that.