Gavin pushed up as well, twisting to sit on the edge of the bed. He glanced over his shoulder at the stained bedspread and smiled. “Oops.”
“Come on.” Oliver reached out, pulling Gavin up to stand next to him. “We’ll sleep in my bed.”
They crossed the hallway to Oliver’s room together, pulled back the sheets, and crawled in.
Gavin shifted closer, kissing him once more, their gentlest, calmest kiss of the night.
“Okay. So maybe you are bi,” Gavin joked.
Oliver erupted in laughter, the two of them shaking the bed for several minutes, neither capable of pulling themselves together without cracking up again.
Finally, they managed to settle down, both lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling. Oliver reached out and grasped Gavin’s hand.
“We’re on our way,” Oliver said, his heart too full to hold in his feelings.
Gavin glanced in his direction, his eyes curious. “On our way?”
“To our future. Now all we have to do is find our bride and we’ll be there.”
“Bride?” Gavin’s sudden stillness should have been a warning sign, but Oliver was flying too high from everything they’d just shared. So he foolishly kept talking, pounding the nails into his coffin, one after the other.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s definitely not Vivian, but that doesn’t mean the perfect woman isn’t out there for us. We just have to find her, and then…then we can have a life just like our parents. We’ll have a houseful of kids and dogs and cats. We’ll take over the construction company when Justin and Killian and Dad retire. The three of us will grow old together, sitting on the front porch, surrounded by grandkids. I’m going to tell all of them the meaning of their names, just like Pop Pop does. I can see it all so clearly, Gavin. Our future begins tonight. It’s ours for the taking—and I can’t wait.”
“Ollie.” If Gavin’s expression hadn’t told Oliver he’d just fucked up, his tone certainly did.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want that. You gotta know I don’t want that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know what kind of relationship your parents have.”
“Our parents,” Oliver corrected, something he did constantly. Even after five years, Gavin couldn’t quite accept or believe that he was truly a part of this family.
Gavin ignored him. “I can’t do—”
“Of course you can,” Oliver insisted. “Is this because of your mom? This isn’t you worrying that you’re like her or anything, is it? Because come on, you know—”
Gavin shook his head. “I know I’m not like my mother. I’d never hurt a child. Ever. That doesn’t mean I want one.” Gavin stood up, and Oliver sensed he was trying to pull away, seeking to put distance between them. After everything they’d just shared, Oliver hated it, but he resisted the need to pull Gavin back into the bed, knowing his foster brother didn’t respond well to pressure, to being forced into anything.
“You’d be a great dad,” Oliver offered lamely.
“Jesus, Ollie. You don’t get it. You didn’t grow up like I did. You’ve spent twenty years as a Collins and it’s skewed your vision, blinded you to just how fucked-up and shitty the world really is. I’m not bringing a kid into it. Not ever.”
“Gavin—” Oliver started.
“No. Stop and listen to me. And then think. Think really hard. Do you think you could be happy in a relationship with just the two of us? You and me. No kids. No wife.”
Oliver didn’t reply. He couldn’t. “I love you, Gavin.”
Gavin gave him a sad smile. “I love you too, but that doesn’t answer my question.”
“I…” Oliver dug deep, tried to find the words, but he couldn’t say them. Couldn’t lie to his best friend.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”
Oliver felt the first spark of panic, aware of just how badly he’d misread everything.
“It’s okay,” Gavin continued, the sad look in his eyes, breaking Oliver’s heart. “It’s okay, man. You just forgot one thing.”
“What?”
“Unlike you, I’m not bi. I’m gay. I could never be part of a relationship like the one Sean, Chad, and Lauren share. Never. And it wouldn’t work for you any other way.”
“Maybe…” Oliver started, but he stopped short because he knew Gavin was right. Oliver longed for a threesome, a true marriage of three hearts. Him as the lynchpin, with a boyfriend in one room and a girlfriend in the other, wouldn’t work. And he wanted kids, wanted to be a dad more than anything in the world.
Gavin sighed, then he bent down and kissed Oliver. This wasn’t a prelude to more. This kiss was a goodbye. Pure and simple.
“I’m glad I was your first,” Gavin said. “You’re always going to be my brother, my best friend. Tonight didn’t change that.”
Oliver swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat, wishing he could find something—anything—to say.
“Night.” Gavin walked back across the hall to his bedroom.
Oliver sat in his bed for hours, staring at the closed door to Gavin’s room, fighting for an answer. A way.
Until a few hours ago, Oliver would have sworn there was nothing he wouldn’t do, wouldn’t sacrifice, for his foster brother.
But it turned out, there was one thing he couldn’t give up.
His wild dreams.
2
Present Day
“Dammit, Sunnie. You need to slow down. The tree looks ridiculous with so many ornaments at the bottom and not enough at the top.” Oliver took the three ornaments Sunnie had grabbed to put on the Christmas tree.
Sunnie put her hands on her hips but didn’t try to take the ornaments back. “So sue me. I can’t help it if I’m height-challenged. Besides, if you guys would spend more time decorating and less time passing around that damn bottle of Jameson, we’d have a more even distribution.”
Another year had passed, and as always, the Collins cousins had just finished consuming their obnoxiously huge Friendsgiving dinner. They were now gathered in the living room of the apartment above Pat’s Pub, decorating the Christmas tree.
This year, there’d been a slight break in tradition as they were celebrating Friendsgiving the Saturday after Thanksgiving, rather than the one before, thanks to a nasty flu bug in Yvonne and Darcy’s household last week, taking down their husbands, Leo and Ryder, as well as Yvonne’s baby daughter, Reba. Both women had been distraught over missing the event, so they’d all agreed to postpone it a week.
Friendsgiving was probably one of Oliver’s top five favorite days of the year. While he enjoyed doing Thanksgiving with his entire family, there was something about spending time with his cousins and close friends—all twenty- and thirty-somethings—that appealed to him just a little bit more. Probably because they were freer with the booze, the cussing, the drinking games—he’d just ruled at flip cup—as well as the risqué jokes and stories. Plus, with fewer family members in the room, he got to talk to everyone more. Not a day went by when Oliver wasn’t grateful to be a part of this crazy, fun family.