Cian sighs, but if he has any better ideas, then I’m all ears.
“I don’t expect ya to—” But he doesn’t let me finish.
“I’m doin’ this with ya,” he affirms with conviction. “There’s no way those two fuckers are goin’ to get away with this. I owe that to my da.”
I understand what he means. Therefore, I know there is no changing his mind.
“Time to claim Northern Ireland as ours. Our fathers would want us to do that.”
“That’s the truth, so it is,” I agree. Even though Connor wasn’t my father, he would want me to fight for what is mine. Which has me thinking about Babydoll.
“Babydoll is engaged,” I reveal, while Cian doesn’t seem surprised as he obviously already knew. “She came to see me.”
“Aye, she is. Yer mad at the fact?” he asks, confused. “I mean, she’s yer sis—” But he soon stops, realizing what he just said.
“Naw, she’s not.”
Cian runs a hand through his snarled hair, blowing out a deep breath. “Ach, this is minus craic. What are ye goin’ to do?”
What I want to do versus what I should do are two completely different things.
“She said she’s happy. That he’s a good man.”
Cian nods.
“Sure look, what can I do? She couldn’t be waitin’ around for me, obviously. She still thinks we’re brother and sister, and I want to leave it like that.”
“What?” He gasps in surprise. “Yer not goin’ to tell her? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“No, I’m not. If she’s happy, then so am I. What can I offer her, Cian? A life where she’s constantly lookin’ over her shoulder? My ma lived that life, and that’s what got her killed. I won’t be havin’ that for Babydoll.”
“And what about yer happiness? Yer to live with this secret while watchin’ the woman ye love with another man?”
With a shrug, I reply, “Aye. It’s better this way.”
“Better for who?” he questions.
“For everyone. This is the only way I can keep her safe.”
Cian shakes his head, clearly not on board with this plan. “She’s tougher than she looks. When ye were in prison, she did everythin’ to try to help ya. Nothin’ scared her. She worked until it made her…sick.”
“Sick?” I question Cian, who instantly appears to regret his words.
“All of us suffered in our own personal ways with ya gone, Punky. Babydoll never stopped lovin’ ya, even when she knew she shouldn’t. She was disgusted in herself, thinkin’ ya were her brother and that. I think she needs to know.”
“I tell her, and ya know what happens?” When he doesn’t reply, I continue, “We go back to hurtin’ one another. It seems to be our pattern. We both want to save the other, but it just turns to shite. It’s better this way.
“I need to focus on Sean and Brody. And I can’t do that while worryin’ about Babydoll.”
“And yer okay knowin’ she’s about to marry another man?”
“Aye,” I reply, but it’s a lie. I am not fucking okay. “If he makes her happy, then that’s enough for me. Ye can’t be tellin’ anyone ’bout this, ye hear?”
Cian isn’t fooled, but he doesn’t press. Nor does he share who her fiancé is. “Yer a bigger man than me. If Amber—”
But when he suddenly stops, I realize he’s got a secret of his own. I realize they’ve all moved on while I’ve simply been stuck in time.
“Away on! You and Amber?”
Amber was the twins’ nanny. Cian has always been interested in her. I’m happy he finally got the girl.
“Aye. It’s not…weird?”
“Naw, course not. Why would it be weird?”
Cian shrugs. “Dunno. Thought it might be.”
I know what he means. Amber showed some interest in me, but I never felt that way about her. There was only one doll for me.
“I’m happy for youse.” And I mean it.
“And what about you? When do you get yer happiness?”
Considering his question, I smile. “The day I kill Sean and Brody, which has me thinkin’…”
Cian nods, indicating he’s listening.
“I need to know whose body they buried. They may have the answers I’m lookin’ for.”
“And?” Cian coaxes, knowing so much more is to come.
“And I need to find Brody Doyle before he finds me.”
This is dangerous, and if Cian is having second thoughts, I wouldn’t hold it against him. But when he smirks, it’s like we’re picking up where I left things.
“Keep ’er lit. It’s time we took back what’s ours.”
“Ach, sure, we’re suckin’ diesel now.”
“This would be a lot easier if Rory was here,” I whisper discreetly to Cian, so the aul’ doll behind the glass screen doesn’t hear me.
It’s been two days. I’ve had no luck finding out who really was buried in place of Sean, and Brody Doyle has gone into hiding. I know he’s simply playing it cautious as he doesn’t know what my plans are, but he can’t hide forever.
I still haven’t seen Rory. I understand he needs time to adjust to things, but I fucking miss him. And I could really use his computer expertise to help us out.
“I’m sorry, lad, but I can’t help ya,” says the woman behind the counter as her fingers tap away at the keyboard.
We’re at the cemetery where “Sean” is buried. The information online is useless. It’s all above board to any unsuspecting person, but I know better. I need to know whose body is in that grave.
“Best ask the family for this personal information,” she adds, looking down the top of her silver-framed glasses at me.
I would, but Fiona won’t talk to me, and Hannah can’t get the information from her either. I need to know who the coroner was because they signed off on “Sean’s” death. I also want to know who the funeral directors were.
But I can’t get any fucking answers because this aul’ doll won’t talk.
Rory would be able to hack into this system, giving me the answers I need. But he’s a big girl’s blouse at the moment.
I could let on that I’m family, but this will rouse suspicion. I’d have to tell the aul’ doll that the reason I don’t know this information is because I was in jail, and I was put in there because I played a part in the man’s death I’m asking about.
This is a fucking dog’s dinner.
“All right. Thanks.”
Cian and I step outside, back to square one.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath as we walk away, in case of any earwiggin’. “This is useless. If I can’t find any information on Sean, then I’m going to Dublin. Least I know where I can find some Doyles.”
Cian clucks his tongue. “Fer feck’s sake! Cool yer jets. Remember what happened the last time we did that?”
“Fair play,” I reply with a sigh.
“I’ll chat to Rory.”