“Punky, I don’t want ya stayin’ here,” Hannah says, her eyes nervously searching the grounds.
I know why she’s worried.
She told me she saw Sean here, lurking in the shadows like the monster that he is. But I’m not afraid of him. I want him to know I’m back and plan on claiming what is mine.
Cupping her cheek, I gently assure her, “I’ll be all right, wee one. Go now. I’m sure y’ve got better things to do than be here.”
“I want to be here,” she presses, leaning into my hand. “I never want to leave yer side.”
Cian stands off to the side, but it appears he shares the same sentiments as Hannah.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere. Ye made sure of that when ya fought for me when I didn’t even fight for myself.”
She sniffs back her tears.
“But I need some time to adjust. This is all…a lot.”
“Of course,” she replies with a nod. “Promise me ya won’t leave me again?”
Her plea breaks my heart because I crushed her when I left. I never realized how my actions would impact the twins. They were small, and I thought with time, they’d forget me. But I never forgot my ma, and I was a similar age to the twins when she was snatched from my life.
“I promise,” I assure her, bringing her in for a hug.
She clings on tight, and it’s hard not to reminisce about when she was a wain, holding me with all her might. “I’ll save him. I won’t fail ye again,” I whisper into her ear.
She sobs into my shoulder, her tiny body shuddering with her pain.
Ethan not being here means, unlike Hannah, he’s not interested in reminiscing on the past. He’s happy to leave me dead and buried. He sees what I did as a betrayal, as I left them to rot. But I thought of them every single day. I thought I was doing the right thing.
But I was fooled by the man who is now fooling him, and I’ll be damned if I allow that to happen to Ethan.
“I’ll come by later with some food and clothes for ya. And I’ll try to get the power and water connected.”
There’s no point in arguing with her, so I nod as I kiss her forehead. “Thanks.”
Cian hands me a mobile phone. It’s awful fancy compared to the one I once had. “My number is programmed in there. If ya need anythin’, ya call me. Also, I’ll call on ye later and lend ya my truck. I have another car, so it’s just collectin’ dust.”
“Thank you,” I say, accepting the phone and the offer to use his truck until I can buy my own. “I’ll pay ya back once I get my finances sorted.”
He clucks his tongue. “Don’t be worryin’ about that.”
We have so much to catch up on, like where Rory is. And what they’ve both been up to these past ten years. I don’t ask about Babydoll because I figure if Cian wanted me to know, he’d tell me.
“All right. Let’s give Punky some time, wee cutty.” Cian gestures with his hand that they’re to go.
I realize the pressure I put him under when I asked him to look out for the twins for me. But looking at the strong, brave woman Hannah has grown into, I know he’s done a brilliant job. I owe him everything.
Hannah’s eyes are filled with tears as she gets into the car. Cian waits for her to close the door before he digs into his pocket and produces something I almost forgot existed.
“I kept it safe for ya,” he says, offering me my ma’s brooch. “I always knew y’d be back.”
The sunlight seems to illuminate something which already shines so brightly in my eyes. I accept it, and the weight feels familiar in my hand. “Thanks, Cian. For everythin’. I know it seemed like I just didn’t want to see ya, but there was a reason. Ya never gave up on me. I don’t deserve ye.”
“Ach, stop that,” he says, shaking his head. “Yer my best mate. That’s never changed. But—”
“But what?” I press when he pauses.
He tongues his cheek in thought. “But some things have changed.”
“Is that why Rory isn’t here?”
He nods slowly.
“He can’t forgive me?”
When Cian lowers his eyes, I know the answer is yes.
“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused youse. I would have done things so differently. But that’s the thing about hindsight…it’s fucking useless.”
Cian laughs, and the sound is one I’ve missed. “We’ll grab a pint when yer up to it. I’ll be back later with Hannah.”
He hugs me again as if he still can’t believe I’m here.
We say our goodbyes, and I watch as his car turns down the drive and onto the road. Once the car is out of sight, I bend in half, place my hands on my thighs, and take three deep breaths. I need a moment to compose myself.
Once my heart stops racing, I stand and absorb everything before me.
Even though the castle wasn’t my home, I hate to see it in the state that it’s in. This rubble now belongs to me, and I intend to restore it to its former glory. It’s what Connor would have wanted, as well as my ma.
With hesitant steps, I walk toward the building built with Kelly blood, sweat, and tears. Phantom shrills of the twins catch the wind—my mind playing tricks, transporting me back to simpler times.
As I step through the doorway, I’m hit with poignant nostalgia. The riches are no more. This place is merely a carcass of what it once was. Debris litters the floor—food wrappers, cigarette butts, and broken beer bottles.
This place is a haven for misfits.
I continue my tour, my mind flashing from the present to the past, comparing what is to what it once was. There is now a mingin’ single mattress where Fiona’s beloved dining table once stood. I hate to think of what lewd acts occurred on that boggin’ surface.
There are burnt-out candles all over the floor and in the alcoves of the walls, solving the no electricity problem. The atmosphere is haunting. No wonder ghost stories thrive here. Hannah told me this is where the local kids go to hang out, get bladdered, and scare each other with tales of the boogeyman—aka me.
Peering upward, I see sunlight streaming in from the holes in the ceiling. The once polished floors are now ruined after being exposed to the harsh elements over the years. There are etchings in the stonework of people who have come and gone.
I run my fingers over the engravings, wondering if the initials of the lovers inside the hearts are still in love. They clearly wanted to make their union known to others, but nothing lasts forever.
Once I’m done with the tour inside the castle, I walk out the back door and into the vast fields. I stand still and tip my face to the heavens. So many memories crash into me. I loved it back here—it’s where my mum’s gardens once were.
The rose brooch tingles in my pocket, and on instinct, I dig my hand into my pocket, fingering over it. “I’ll replant them for ye, Ma,” I avow aloud. “I’ll make this place what it once was.”
I walk through the grounds, taking in the unkept state. It hurts to see it this way because this castle has been in my family for generations. It angers me that Sean, a Kelly, doesn’t seem to give a fuck about that. He’s allowed it to wither away and, instead, used it for his corrupt ways—like meeting Ethan here.