My father had done that. Encouraged him to pursue my sister. And then when AJ tried to tell him about the assault, he'd done nothing and instead blamed her. What was it he'd said then? Oh yes, her predilections. As if somehow, her being who she was had caused all the pain that had come to her. I would never forgive him for that. If AJ chose to, that was on her. I could hold the grudge for the both of us.
Once inside the elevator, I had to take several deep breaths to steady myself. Talking to my father could always ruin my mood, but I couldn't let that happen this time. I needed to stay calm because I had another battle ahead of me.
Chapter Five
Nyla
Traitors.
The lot of them. As soon as East rolled in, my friends slipped out of the penthouse, giving us space. Granted, Livy did give me a reassuring hand squeeze. Amelia just gave me a sheepish smile and then whacked the moron on his back.
"So, are we going to talk about this?"
I watched with pleading eyes as Hazel and Telly scooted out the door following everyone else, and then we were all alone. "I feel like we've already talked enough, don't you?"
His lips twisted into a smirk. "As much as I enjoyed that, there wasn't much actual talking involved. So you and I are going to have a conversation right now."
"East, I'm tired. We keep beating this dead horse, and God, I am scared and tired and lonely, and I don't even know if we can see eye to eye on this."
He stepped into my space, and I had nowhere to go because the counter was right at my back. He bracketed his hands on either side of me, trapping me with his body. His heat and his scent enveloped me. Sandalwood infiltrated my nostrils, swirling around, making it difficult to think and breathe. My nipples puckered. My breasts felt heavy, and I ached between my thighs, remembering what we'd done earlier. The rawness. That sting of 'it's been too long' coupled with a yearning need to be together. A desperate, coiling need to have each other. "East, I don't want to do this. I don't want to fight. I don't want to be this version of myself."
"I'm sorry."
My head snapped up and I blinked rapidly, trying to process the words that came out of his mouth. "What?"
"I'm sorry, Nyla, for so many things. But let's start with thinking that keeping you out of this was the right path."
I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't find any words that were going to make coherent sense. So I just stared at him.
He spoke again. "I'm sorry about the way I broke things off before. I know I have already apologized for that, but I don't think you felt the full weight of what that was. We got back together because I couldn't stand to be away from you, but I don't think I fully apologized for how I'd hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you again. I am also sorry that I shot you. I shouldn't have been there. I should have kept the plan instead of going off script because I was so desperate to end this. And seeing Denning hot on your heels, I knew you were in danger of being caught because of me. Because of my decisions."
His eyes were clear, and his voice was steady as he spoke. I could feel the weight and the gravity of each word as he laid them at my feet. And I was mesmerized, no longer feeling trapped but more like pulled in by his gravitational force. I knew I was destined to orbit him forever.
"I've been so scared about someone hurting you, whether it was Denning, or Theroux, or whomever. And when you sleep at night, I watch you, thanking every God I can name that I was a good enough shot to not hurt you too badly. I know your career is important to you, and I'm not suggesting that it shouldn’t be. That’s not what I'm saying at all. I just—" He shook his head. "What I'm saying is I'm sorry. Since I shot you, I've been trying to overcompensate by being everything you need, being available at your beck and call, and while I do think you need that, I think that person probably shouldn't be me because I was trying to force you into forgiving me. And that's not the way to go. You're too strong for that. You're strong and—"
"Yeah, I know I'm stubborn."
He shook his head, even as I lowered my own, too ashamed to look at him. But he slid his finger under my chin and tilted my head up until our gazes met. "You're fierce. You're a warrior. I have no right trying to tamp that down in any way. I fell in love with you because you're smart, and a little bit impulsive. And tenacious. Jesus Christ, woman, you are tenacious.”
Wait. What did he just say? I blinked up at him.
He moved then and kissed my lips softly. And well, that shut me up.
"See, stubborn. As soon as you admit that you have wanted me from the moment you chased me, we can continue."
I could see the twitch of his lips and a giggle escaped me. "Fine. I chased you and tried to break off your dick. Are you happy?"
East smiled. "I am, actually. For the first time in years, which is what's terrifying me. You make me happy. And I'm scared of losing that. Which is no way to treat you, because that's my baggage, not yours."
"East, I'm sorry too. You've been trying so hard, and I have been less than delightful. It's just that I haven't been able to do anything with the feelings that I have, and then you're so close, and you smell like that, and every night you hold me as I go to sleep, but you don't touch me. And it's been driving me insane."
His brows lifted. "What?"
"Yes, the nightly baths. You're trying to torture me. I know you are."
He shook his head. "No, I'm not, actually."
"Why else would you give me a bath and then not touch me?"
His brows lifted again. "Well, I didn't know you needed me so badly."
"No, see, you're doing that thing with your voice where you drop it an octave. It sounds like gravel on silk. It makes me want to do things."
"What kind of things?"
I whacked his arm, but he didn't move.
"Nyla, I'm not trying to tease. I'm not trying to torture you. All I’ve ever wanted is your safety and your happiness. That's it. I don't want to do things the wrong way, so I'm going to ask you again to forgive me. I want to do better, because that's all I can give you right now."
The moment the words were out of his mouth, off his lips, made bare for me to see, I wanted to let everything go. I wanted him to just be that bloke that took me on adventures that made us both smile. The man who had me chasing him through a mansion and rolling around on the grass. "I miss you. I love you too. Is that okay to say?"
He threw his head back. "Fuck, yes, woman. Say it. I needed to hear it."
"Well, I do. I miss you so much. And I'm not actually mad that you shot me."
His eyes went wide. "What?"
"I'm mad, but not about that. I'm mad that I haven’t been able to jump back in the game. You guys were keeping things from me, and I hate the secrets. I grew up surrounded by them, and I just can't stand it."
He nodded quickly. "I know. I'm sorry. It didn't even occur to me who your father is and all the secrets he's kept from you."
"You don't know the half of it. In the guest bedroom, you know there's that box, the case that Theroux wanted me to look at. I'm trying to unravel the threads right now, and it's complex."