The station wagon she had borrowed from the convent came up the driveway at ten a.m. Melissa knew she must have left New York before six to get there by then. She squinted in the sunlight to see her sister and was surprised when she got out of the car in jeans, a white T-shirt, and sneakers. She looked like any other woman in her early forties, going to pick up or drop off her kids. The bright copper hair was cut short, and had faded somewhat to a duller red, but was still surprisingly bright. Her red hair had been the bane of Hattie’s existence when she was younger, but she had the personality to go with it. It lit her up like a neon sign the moment she entered a room, and every teacher she’d ever had remembered her for her mischief, her constant laughter, and her red hair. Melissa always had an easier time staying below the radar, and Hattie envied her for that.
Melissa saw that she had put on a little weight, but she was still pretty, and had the same smiling face. Hattie looked cautious, but was smiling broadly as she approached and gave her older sister a hug.
“You look terrific, Mellie,” she said admiringly. “How do you stay in such good shape?”
“I work my ass off here.” Melissa smiled at her, as they sat down on the porch, and then Melissa went inside to get her something to eat. She had bought the cinnamon buns Hattie had loved as a child, and Hattie’s face lit up when she saw them.
“I haven’t had a cinnamon bun in twenty years. We have oatmeal for breakfast, and potatoes with every meal. It’s way too easy to gain weight. This is a beautiful place,” she said, looking around. She noticed all the details and impeccable touches, and guessed that Melissa had added them herself. She knew her sister and how thorough and attentive to detail she was. Melissa’s apartment in New York had been elegantly done too, especially once her books were at the top of every bestseller list and she was raking in the money, but Carson did well too. Their combined incomes had provided them a very agreeable life. Melissa had invested enough of it to continue to live well now too. Hattie was happy to see it, and relieved for her. She had no idea how her sister had come out of the divorce, but the house was testimony to the fact that she had enough money to live well, even though she hadn’t worked in seven years. She had stopped writing when Robbie was sick. She never left Robbie’s side in the final year. “This place would make a very nice convent retreat,” Hattie said, as she helped herself to a cinnamon bun.
“Not on your life,” Melissa responded immediately, and Hattie laughed, with the sticky sugar all over her mouth, just the way she’d looked as a kid, which made Melissa smile.
“I just thought I’d mention it, in case you get lonely up here,” Hattie said innocently.
“I don’t,” Melissa said firmly. “I like my own company. And I’ve worked on the house every day for four years.”
“It looks it. You’ve done a fantastic job.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at her younger sister. “It was a mess when I bought it, and needed a lot of work. It was just what I needed to keep busy. I have a great contractor who helped me do everything I wanted to.” She gave Hattie a tour of the house, and then they came back to the porch with a pitcher of lemonade. Melissa poured out two glasses, and observed her sister quietly. “You haven’t changed, Hattie.” She was as pretty and warm as ever.
“I doubt that, but I love what I do. That helps. And I know you hated the idea, and it was sudden, but the convent was the right choice for me. I realized when I went in that I wasn’t cut out to fight the battles I’d have to as an actress. It wasn’t meant for me.”
“You could have picked a different line of work,” Melissa said sadly.
“I feel safe where I am. And I knew you couldn’t protect me forever. You needed your own life.” The fact that Melissa had married a year after Hattie had gone into the convent had confirmed that to her. She had felt that she’d been a burden to her sister for fourteen years and kept her from leading a normal life for a young woman her age. It didn’t seem fair.
“It sounds crazy, but I feel like Mom sometimes. I’ve gotten so damn critical since I’ve been alone, and since Robbie died. Sometimes I hear myself, and I sound just like her,” Melissa admitted. “I hate that. She was so hard on everyone, or on me at least.”
“You two had a bad run for her last two years,” Hattie said, and Melissa nodded, thinking about it.
“I never forgave her for what she did, and then she was gone. I don’t think she forgave me either. They made a terrible mistake sending me away.” Melissa’s voice was raw as she said it. It felt as though it had happened yesterday.
Hattie hadn’t expected to get into the subject, but she waded into the deep waters with her. “She didn’t know what else to do. At least that’s what I thought later on. At the time I was just a kid, and didn’t understand all the ramifications of their decision. I didn’t get any of it until you explained it to me later.”
“It wasn’t ‘their’ decision, it was hers,” Melissa corrected her, still angry at the memory. It had changed her life forever. “Dad never spoke up for me. I think he was just relieved to have Mom make the decision for him. We never talked about it before he died. The subject was taboo. But the price I paid was real.”
“I know,” Hattie said sadly, looking at her sympathetically. “I understand that now. But there was no other option in their minds. She was too Catholic to let you have an abortion. And people didn’t keep babies born out of wedlock then. It was 1987. You were sixteen years old, and couldn’t have taken care of a child yourself, and they would have been too ashamed to let you keep it.” In a way it was a relief to both sisters to talk about it. Melissa hadn’t intended to, but seeing Hattie brought it all back again, just as she had feared.
“So they sent me to that dungeon in Ireland, and forced me to give the baby up. Mom said I couldn’t come home again unless I did. What else could I do at sixteen?”
“It would have ruined your life if you’d kept the baby. And you couldn’t have stayed in a Catholic school in New York with a child born out of wedlock.” They had gone to private Catholic schools all their lives.
“Instead it ruined my life giving her up. I’ve never been the same. And two years later, I was taking care of you. And I didn’t mind it. You were my baby from the moment you were born. I was six then.” Melissa smiled at Hattie. But there was always an underlying anger and bitterness just under the surface, which colored everything, when she thought about the baby her mother forced her to give up, especially now, when she had nothing else. It was why her books had been so dark, as she tried to exorcise the demons that tormented her, and never could. Her mother banishing her and making her give up the baby had traumatized her for life.