He’s so close to me that I can almost reach out and touch him. In fact, I almost do, but then I collide with the screen.
The truth is that he's not here. He's three thousand miles away.
“I want to kiss you so much right now.”
“Me too,” he whispers.
We stare into each other's eyes for a long time, neither of us saying a word. We talk about the trip and all the places that we could go and all of the things that we could see.
I look up island after island on my phone and show him the beautiful towns and the crystal blue waters. He looks up the best snorkeling and diving spots.
He promises me that he'll teach me how to dive and that I'm going to love it.
I'm three hours ahead and I have an early morning meeting with a potential new client, but I don't want to hang up.
We decide to leave the laptops up instead, to look at each other’s faces. I lie down on the pillow, prop my head up with my hands, and look at him.
He sets up his iPad to stream with me so that he can use his laptop to do a little work. I turn off the lights. Eventually I turn away from him and fall asleep to the clicking of his keys.
When I wake up a few hours later to use the bathroom, I rub my eyes and see him asleep facing me. It's almost as if he's right here next to me.
Almost.
11
Isabelle
The following evening, I finally meet up with Libby. This is the first time that I have seen her since I have been home and we are both excited to finally be together. Her husband is working late and she makes dinner for me and the girls.
On occasion, I regret telling Libby everything about Tyler out of fear of putting his life in danger, but another day, like this one, I'm glad that I did. It's nice to have one person in my life who knows the truth with whom I can talk about all of this.
I offer to have a session with Kylie, but Libby says no. She’s too excited to talk to me and to hear what I've been up to.
On the drive over, I have made a few decisions of how much I'm willing to tell her, to protect Tyler's privacy, but to share enough that it feels like the truth.
“So, what did you think about Portland? It has always been my dream to go there.”
That was one of the bite lines that I came up with. I knew that I wanted to tell her about the Pacific Northwest, but I didn't want to be so precise as to mention Seattle, so I went with Portland instead.
“It was really rainy, but it was beautiful. Very green and lush. The trees are all evergreen which makes the winters a lot more bearable than here.”
“That sounds beautiful,” Libby says, setting a large bowl of pasta on the table.
“You would like it. There's a lot of water everywhere. A lot of nature as well.”
“Yeah, that's what I thought. I’d love to go there someday.”
“You’ll have to,” I smile.
“Well, I love the show called Portlandia and it’s set there. Plus, I always wanted to make a pilgrimage out to Forks, Washington, where Twilight was set. I’m obsessed with that series, even after all these years.”
“Oh my God, I love that!” I say.
“You do? I thought you’d make fun of me.”
“No, never. Why would you ever make fun of someone for loving a book? If you don't like it, then don't like it, but don't be an asshole about it.”
She gets up from the table and comes over to give me a hug.
“What was that for?”
“I truly appreciate you,” Libby says with mist in her eyes. “I can't tell you how embarrassed I sometimes feel for liking those books. Even people who haven't read them always make me feel bad for being a fan. I thought that you would do the same thing for sure.”
“No, absolutely not,” I say, shaking my head.
I reach over, grab her hand, and give her a tight squeeze.
“You can fangirl about it around me anytime. Now let's eat.”
Libby wants to know all of the details about my trip. I want to tell her everything, but I can't be too specific. She already knows too much.
I keep his new name to myself along with the specifics about the new business. I do tell her about Rachel, only I called her Courtney.
“So, he’d started seeing someone? How do you feel about that?”
“I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel.”
“You feel how you feel. There is no supposed to when it comes to feelings.”
“I know. I know that I'm not supposed to be upset about it, but I am. I mean, not anymore, but I was.”
“So, what did he tell you about her?”
“He told me that they were together, but he caught her cheating and that he broke things off.”
“I guess she wasn't under that impression.”
“No,” I shake my head. “It clearly didn't seem that way.”
“Do you think that he's lying?”
I shrug.
“You have to consider that Isabelle. Even if it's difficult.”
“I know,” I say. “Of course, I did, but he seemed… He was… So sincere. Plus, when she walked in on us, he told her right away that she had no right to be there because they had broken up.”
“That's good,” Libby says, nodding.
“I believe him. I know that maybe someone else wouldn't, but I trust him. From being there with the two of them, I got the sense that they did break up and she just wanted another chance.”
Sensing that I don't really want to talk about it anymore, she asks me about what I thought about the Pacific Northwest. I admit that, of course, it is a very beautiful part of the world, but I'm not sure if I could really see myself living there.
“Is that something you two talked about?”
“Yes, he brought it up.”
“He did?”
Here is where I hesitate. I'm engaged and I should tell her, but part of me is afraid. There's some news, especially really good news, that you sometimes want to keep to yourself. I have no fear of making that wonderful thing dissipate, but I can't.
I took my ring off before I came here, so I dig into my pocket and pull it out. Libby's eyes light up. Her mouth drops open.
“Oh… My… God! Are you serious?” She looks up at me and then down at the ring and then up at me again. She brings the ring up to the light and stares at it in disbelief.
“This is huge. How big is it?”
“I don't know,” I say, shaking my head.
“It has to be at least two carats. Maybe more.”
“I don't know,” I say with a shrug.
“Okay, but what does this mean? Are you officially engaged? Why aren’t you wearing it?”
“I was, I mean, I just took that off to come here.”
“Why?”
“I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell you,” I say cringing. “I'm sorry about that.”
“No worries. This is your news to share at your will.”
I nod and put the ring back on my finger. We both look at it and I twirl it around, bringing it up to the light.
“So, are you going to marry him?”
When he asked me, I said yes.