So did all the others. Even him.
But he wasn’t their cousin. Not by blood and they didn’t grow up together, not fully.
Never real cousins. Even if everyone else lumped all of them in together.
Why, then, did it never feel that way for Daisy? She couldn’t mistake Asher as part of her family. Maybe because she was so thrilled by his arrival. And seeing him. Ever since she was a little girl. She got tongue-tied with him, and could never develop a casual, easy relationship that might sprout between cousins raised near each other. Most families rely on finding their friends in the neighborhood or the same block or apartment building or condo high-rise. For Daisy, all of her friends literally came from the ranch.
“Do you think she’ll want company anytime soon?” Daisy was fascinated as Asher tipped his head back, setting the bottle of hard lemonade to his lips and pouring the drink down. Watching his throat swallow completely hypnotized Daisy. He lowered the bottle, frowned at her and nudged her for an answer, saying, “Daisy?”
“Right. Sorry. I’ve been a bit spacey since I found out. My mind can’t seem to process it or anything.” True. But at that moment, it was actually all about him. His physicality intrigued and dominated her whenever he was near. His energy seemed to reach out, drawing her in and stupefying her.
He tilted his head, regarding her with a long look. “Yeah, I get that.”
Their gazes locked. He didn’t smile or look away. It was a deadlocked stare. She gulped and looked down. “I don’t think Violet will want to see anyone for a while. I mean, you should definitely keep trying. We all will. So she knows we’re here. But she doesn’t seem ready to engage yet.” Feeling like a fraud, she added with a small shrug, “At least, that was what Rose told me when I asked her what I could do or say.”
Asher’s smile was again slow, and it consumed her attention. “If it makes you feel any better, I thought I was going to hurl when I stopped by your parents’ house.”
“I feel like that ever since my mom called to tell me. I honestly can’t imagine what she went through when Violet came to the house right after it happened. My dad pulled her away and brought her home. Mom said she was so hysterical, she was choking. Yeah, it’s been horrible, all the way around.” She pressed her lips together as her gaze skittered off, imagining the pain her sister had to endure. She also felt pain, just knowing what Violet was going through. Shaking her head, she sighed, “God, we’ve had terrible things happen during the last few years. It’s pretty exhausting.”
“Iris?” Asher asked softly.
She nodded. “Yes, specifically, Iris and Violet. I mean, one of my sisters faced a violent, brutal rape and the other one watched her fiancé die right before her eyes.”
“Doing the job she trained him to do. Don’t forget who brought him there to do it. I foresee a guilt complex arising over that as strong as a rocky shoreline inside Violet. She won’t listen no matter how many times anyone tells her it isn’t her fault.”
“It wasn’t. Preston loved working with her and those horses. The plans they had. So many plans. I used to wonder how anyone so young could have so many damn plans. So much figured out already. I can’t decide on an outfit for each day and the way Violet and Preston had all of their marriage and business choices fully mapped out, still amazes me.”
Asher gave a once-over. “You’re kind of known for not sticking to anything for long. But Violet? Man. She just knew what she wanted and lived it. I admire that. Still do, of course.”
Daisy flushed, realizing he just insulted her. So what if she didn’t stick to things? And yeah, people teased and lectured her, but really? Mentioning it like that? Then again, oh yeah… she was just the younger, amusing, harmless “cousin” to Asher. Ugh.
Daisy took a gulp from her own bottle to drown her embarrassment and annoyance. But it was all so tragic, who cared about her having a crush? So what if this man thought she was flaky and couldn’t match the kick-ass, responsible, well thought-out expectations of her older sister? So what? Asher Reed did not define her. No one did.
Including herself. Sigh. Fuck.
She was twenty-one years old. Was indecision really so unusual at her age? She didn’t think so. Who wasn’t busy figuring themselves out? Working at meaningless jobs? Trying out different careers? Or different schools? Or different types of school? How many students changed their majors? Everyone did. Yet she was the one who got teased for it. Like every teenager her age entered college knowing exactly what they wanted to study? How many changed their majors? Didn’t the average student change theirs like at least four times? But being a Rydell, if you didn’t know exactly who you were and what you wanted by the age of eighteen, you had to be a flake. Indecisive. A freak. Irresponsible. Who knew that criticism extended to the Reed family as well? And what was Asher? Who was he to be so judgmental? No more than a ranch hand. She could spice it up by saying he trained horses to do fancy performances but come on. The rest of the modern world wouldn’t call that a traditional definition of success. And the pay was mere peanuts. So…
But she resisted the urge to say that. Instead, she asked, “Are you okay? I mean after witnessing what happened to Preston?”
“I am…” He sucked in some air and looked over her shoulder into the dark beyond. Sighing, he finally shook his head. “Hell, who am I to be so wonderful? I’m not okay really. It messed up my head. Preston wasn’t my best friend or anything, but we worked together and were friendly. He was Violet’s fiancé. I figured as time went on, we’d just get closer, you know?”
“I know. I didn’t know him super well either. They met far from here, when she was at community college. And then I was gone.”
“It’s weird to watch someone you know die like that. Not to mention Violet’s reaction. That is what literally haunts me.”
“What… what was it like?” Daisy stiffened her spine and threw her shoulders back, prepared to make herself listen. She started furiously shaking head. “Never mind. Who would want to talk about something that is so disturbing? I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Like I want to know what Violet is going through, but then again, I don’t. I feel guilty for not seeing what she saw. But I can’t ask her, she’s in no condition to repeat it. Or describe it. But—”
“You want to know. I get that. It’s just morbid curiosity but maybe it could help you figure out how to be there for her. If you knew what she actually experienced.”
“Yes. Exactly. But I can’t ask you to describe it.”
“You can. It might do me some good. Like some kind of therapy to say it out loud and begin to process it or some such shit.”
“Right, that’s me, Dr. Daisy.”
“Well, why the hell not? You’re the first person who asked me. I mean, I told my parents, but only the basics. Not in detail. Plus, I guess after today I’m pretty messed up too. Damn. Who holds a funeral for a twenty-two-year-old guy? Not cool at all. Let’s not discuss it here and besides, I’ll need a bunch more alcohol first.”
Oh, how grossly strange. The butterflies in her stomach came from her excitement and attraction and feeling singled out, almost special. In reality, Asher only agreed to tell her the gruesome, sad details of how her sister lost her fiancé. The outside circumstances were the only reason he sought her out. She asked. That was why. He might not ever want to discuss it again after this. She simply gave him an opportunity to vent.