Surprise jolted through her. “I had no idea you had anything like that in mind. What a dream.”
“No one did. After Preston died, I told my parents and they agreed to front me the money. They surprised me by saying they were proud of me and shit. I almost feel like a leech to take their money, but I have no other way to accomplish my goals without their backing.”
“Crap, it’s no different than my parents paying for my schooling, is it? I occasionally feel some guilt, but it doesn’t stop me from accepting it. And so many others get that kind of help too. It’s not uncommon. Life is hard to start out on your own. That’s why poverty continues from one generation to the next. Privilege is a strong hand-up, a safe starting point.”
“One we should feel guilty about?”
She shrugged. “Maybe just be cognizant of. And appreciative for. Don’t waste it. Give more understanding to others who don’t have that kind of support and show some compassion when you are blessed with affluence while others aren’t. Different starting points. Being allowed to start a little farther up the ladder, one might say.”
“Did you take a sociology class this year, by any chance?”
She smiled and ducked her head. “Several of them actually. I briefly majored in it. So, I took a bunch of prerequisites. That’s why it’s going to take me at least five years to get my degree. I changed my mind last year, so I have some knowledge but no real practice of it.”
He tilted his head. “What did you change your major to?”
“English. I want to edit books. But that’s besides the point. Don’t feel guilty for having a leg up. Make the best of all the help you receive. You know? Like, honor it or something.”
“Honor it. Yeah, I hadn’t thought of it like that. Thanks, Daisy. Who knew you were so full of such little gems of wisdom?”
She snorted. “I did. I knew. You never listened to me before.”
He frowned, lowering his ever-present bottle. “I did too.”
“When? When weren’t you convinced I was light years behind you? You always treated me like a little kid, always.”
He stretched out again, relaxing after the emotions of the conversation. “Well, sure you are.” He patted his stomach. “I’ve got a few years on you. Imagine what that translates to in life experience.”
She pursed her lips. Her head was suddenly swimming. The alcohol was hitting her hard. Not being a huge drinker, she usually stuck to lightweight, fruity beverages. Not vodka-laced drinks. Her tongue felt thicker, and her thoughts seemed sluggish, but maybe Asher was ready to realize the truth. About her. About them. She snorted. “You’re barely older than me. Violet is a year older than me and you always treated her as if she were the same age as you.”
He let out a startled laugh. “Are you jealous of Violet?”
“No!” she almost shrieked. All that closeness she sensed from talking and connecting was already starting to dissipate. Asher considered her much younger than even Violet. “No. But you refuse to realize I’m not a child anymore, nor am I your goddamned cousin.”
Well, there went the words. Somewhere in her thoughts they seemed to tap at her brain as if to remind her, she wasn’t supposed to say those words out loud to him. Especially while yelling.
But she did. She yelled them out at him. His gaze suddenly sliced right through her. “I am part of the fucking family. Being adopted doesn’t lessen my place in it.” His tone was low, and he pronounced each word as if to exaggerate its importance.
Daisy waited years to tell him how she felt, and then it all spilled out like this? She put him on the defensive and now she’d have to backtrack to comfort him. Of course, he was part of the family. Naturally. No one discriminated against him or Cami or Charlie or hell, least of all, her.
But she did discriminate. That’s what she meant to say.
She did. She realized it now.
Heat filled her neck and cheeks. “I know. Of course. I didn’t mean that you weren’t part of the family. I meant… you aren’t my cousin. That’s not how I see you. Not as my cousin.”
“Well, thanks. Nice to know you too.” He jerked forward suddenly, wrapping his arms around his calves with a stony face.
Desperate now for the right words, she wondered how to undo her mistake. She’d blundered badly, forgetting all the decorum and her plans as she slipped beside him and touched his biceps near her. “It came out all wrong. I mean… I was only eight when you showed up. You were like this big, amazing, new idol for me. I worshipped you. I thought you were the greatest thing I’d ever seen or met.”
His locked jaw released, and he darted a glance at her. “Really?” Surprise laced his tone.
“Really. I know you are AJ and Kate’s son, and Cami is your sister. Charlie is your cousin. So is Melanie and Ben. But… but I’m not. And also, I’m desperately glad I’m not. Because that little girl interest turned into youthful worship, which developed into a grown-up woman’s crush. So, I mean, I feel the opposite of what you think. I’m so glad you ended up here. I just wish you’d stop regarding me as your little cousin and instead see me as a twenty-one-year-old woman, who is simply right here now. Right next to you.”
Her head felt heavy and her skin tinged with heat. Crap. She finally said it all. As her hand still held his biceps, he tilted his head towards her, staring with a half-open mouth. Eyes wide with surprise, which was probably more like shock, she nearly wished she could take back her words. What kind of reaction was he having? Horror?
Maybe.
Her heart dipped and dropped, and she wanted to melt into nothing. Disintegrate. Vaporize. Anything to disappear. She just told a man who considered her his cousin that she wanted him.
Daisy Rydell just… what? What did she really do? His brain was buzzing. Obviously because of the alcohol. Grief. Guilt. Sadness. But what about Daisy? Talking so grown up for the first time and hinting he was not a part of the family? Taking away his classification as a cousin, which he considered himself to all of them?
Daisy kept talking about not being old enough. For what? Sex? Liking him? Idolizing him? He didn’t know that until now. Of course not. But she did say those things. And then she was urging him to consider her a grown woman. Right there?
What the hell was Daisy talking about? How much did they have to drink? Too much. Way too much.
It was fucking Daisy. Little, sweet, flighty Daisy.
What was she doing? His brain rejected it. He shied away and tried to hide. Daisy could not be changing all the rules this far along on the trail.
They were family. Family. They shared it all. Didn’t she remember that?
The myriad aunts, uncles and cousins were all connected by family. He could now distinguish the others and their exact relationships of who belonged to whom. Twenty-six-year-old Lillian was the niece to twenty-four-year-old Melanie, who was also a sibling to forty-eight-year-old Ben and forty-one-year-old Charlie. Charlie’s kids were only nine. Ben’s two kids, Lillian and her younger sister, Jade, were twenty-six and sixteen. So, the ages of the differing relations made it extraordinarily complicated for most outsiders to keep track of.
But Asher knew. He had all the tangled webs of relationships memorized. The entire place was unique, unlike anything Asher experienced before he was placed with AJ and Kate. He spent a lot of time learning how they were all connected. Family relationships were new to him, which made them very fascinating and important. And here Daisy was, trying to redefine all of it? No, trying to smash all of it?