Outside of this apartment I was the shirt-wearing Mafia soldier, but inside it, I was Riccardo and Chiara’s big brother. Their protector. The one person they could rely on. They’d only ever known me to take care of them, so in some ways I was more like a dad to them, but I would always be Mateo, their big brother. Everything I did was for them, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that it wasn’t enough anymore. I had to get us out of here, I just didn’t know how without turning my back on our mom.
“Go and wash up,” I said, placing Chiara on the floor. “I’ll sort Mom out and then we can cook dinner.”
“Okay!” they both shouted, running toward the bathroom of our small apartment. It was bigger than the one I grew up in, but it was still too small. Cardo and Chiara had to share a room. I didn’t want them to have to compromise, but I knew it was all they were used to. It didn’t mean it would always be like this.
I’d been saving to buy a house, one that would become a home. I’d wanted to wait, but as I walked toward my small bedroom, I knew now was the time. I had to take the leap, not for me, but for the two small humans who trusted me to take care of them.
I opened my bedroom door, cursing as I saw the sheets ripped off my bed. Mom had been in here again, which was yet another reason we couldn’t keep doing this. My room was just big enough for my bed and a rail to hang my clothes on. It had done the job it was meant to over the last few years, but I couldn’t keep this up. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to help my mom, sometimes walking away did more good than harm.
Laughter floated from the bathroom, and the sound had my lips lifting. Cardo and Chiara never failed to remind me why I did this. Without them I wasn’t sure where I would have been. Maybe I would have ended up like my mom, or maybe I would have been a nine-to-five suit wearer in the city. The possibilities were endless, but the path I was on was the one meant for me. There was a reason I had to drop out of school; a reason that I had asked Lorenzo for a job that day. It had all led me to this moment, the moment of clarity.
It was time to get out of here. Time to put Cardo and Chiara first.
With an energy I only ever felt when I was at the Beretta mansion, I changed out of my shirt and slacks and into some sweats and a T-shirt. Cardo and Chiara were occupied, so I darted into Mom’s room. She was sprawled half on her bed and half on the floor. Normally I would have helped her into the bed and made sure she was safe. But as I stared at her greasy hair and gray face, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was twenty-four and I’d been cleaning up after her my entire life. It was time to stop.
So I shut the door, putting a barrier between her and us. Rage slammed through me knowing that the kids had already seen her like that. She was messy—more so than usual.
Trying to put the image of her out of my mind, I walked down the hallway and into their shared room where Chiara was staring at her hair in the mirror and Cardo was trying his hardest to fit a puzzle piece in a space that it didn’t go in.
“You like it, Mateo?” Chiara asked, meeting my gaze in the small mirror I’d bought her.
“I love it.” I stepped toward her and ran my fingertips over the two braids. “They’re pretty.” I’d never met the woman who they had been with, and even though deep down I wanted to ask them who she was, I knew they wouldn’t be able to give me the kind of information I needed. I didn’t care that her eyes bled of pain—pain that I recognized. I didn’t give a damn that her biting down on her plump bottom lip had me going hot all over.
What I did care about, was her being around Cardo and Chiara when I didn’t know a fuckin’ thing about her. I made a mental note to ask Mr. Blue to do an in-depth background check on her and then I stepped back. “Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes.”
“Okay,” Chiara murmured, turning to look back in the mirror. She looked so much like our mom that it was scary sometimes. Thank God neither she nor Cardo got her eyes though. I’d been punished with them, so they didn’t need to be either.
I ruffled Cardo’s dark-brown hair as I moved past him and out of their bedroom, making yet another mental note that he needed a haircut soon. Sometimes I wondered if I was doing a good enough job with them. It always felt like I was five steps behind what they needed and that I was always trying to catch up. But at least it was better than leaving Mom to it. If it was up to her, they wouldn’t even eat unless they were at school.
I gritted my teeth as I walked through the living room and past the waist-high wall that separated it from the kitchen. She’d pulled everything she could out of the cupboards. She was looking for money again, but there was no way in hell I was going to keep funding her alcoholism. I’d spent too much time and effort adhering to her demands. And now I was done.
Once dinner was cooking—a simple pasta dish I’d learned when I was ten—I then tidied everywhere I could. It would only be a matter of time until she was awake again, I just hoped it was after the kids were in bed. They’d seen enough of her today.
We sat at the table, just the three of us, and I reveled in them telling me all about their day at school. Cardo was ahead of the grade he was in, and Chiara was still in pre-K. It was their escape, just like going to the mansion was mine.
“Do you want to hear the times tables?” Cardo asked.
Chiara huffed, placing her fork on the side of her plate. “Cardo.” She pursed her lips, looking so much older than the four-year-old she was. “You already said it like a million times to Luna.” She met my stare, shaking her head, and I couldn’t help the quirk of my lips.
“I haven’t heard yet though,” I said softly, being careful not to upset Chiara while keeping Cardo happy. Navigating two siblings so close in age was a full-time job in itself.
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, then picked her fork up.
“Okay, so it goes—”
I put my last bite of pasta in my mouth, intent on giving him all of my attention, but he was interrupted by groaning coming from Mom’s bedroom. We all froze, knowing what was about to come, especially as she’d be partially sober now.
“Who the fuck has been drinking my shit!” Several bangs rang out, but I didn’t move my gaze off Cardo and Chiara. They were all too used to this, and I hated it. I hated how I felt like I needed to keep us all together. Family was important, that was what I had always lived by, but the more we all stayed, the more I started to wonder if this was what a real family was. Cardo, Chiara, and I were a family, but I wasn’t sure Mom fit into that anymore—if she ever had.
Her bedroom door flung open and I clenched my hands on the table, thankful that Cardo and Chiara had almost finished eating.
“Eat up,” I told them, standing so that I was prepared for anything.
“Mateo!” Mom screeched, followed by more bangs, but these were closer this time. She appeared in the doorway to the living room, her hair matted to the side of her face, her lips cracked and dry, and her clothes soiled. I wasn’t sure how long she’d worn them, but it was definitely more than a couple of days now. “Where the fuck is it?”
“Where’s what?” I asked calmly, quickly glancing at the kids. Cardo stood, taking Chiara’s hand. He knew the drill. I distracted her so they could escape to their room.