I open my mouth, not really sure if I’m about to say yes or no until I see Lily standing on the sidewalk with her dad, looking as eager as I’ve seen her since the day we met, and I wind up answering, “Yes, I’m looking forward to it.”
He nods and waits until I put the juice back in my purse before we begin walking again. As soon as Cade lets go of her hand, Lily races towards me. She crashes into my legs and instantly wraps her arms around my waist.
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I try to hide my tears from her sweet yet simple act of love. I wish I could have kept her innocence at that age.
“I missed you, Aunty Calla.” Six months of hearing that title, and I’m still not used to it.
As Jace heads into the garage, I bend down to her height, kissing her cheek. “I missed you too, Lily. I also heard you have a birthday this weekend.” She nods vigorously. “Would it be okay if I came over?” I swallow roughly because if she says no, I might die.
Grasping my face in both of her hands, she pulls me closer, whispering, “I would really, really, really love it if you came to my princess party!”
“Then I’ll be there.” I grin as she squeals and runs inside.
“Mommy!” she screams on her way. “Guess who’s coming to my princess party?” I don’t get to hear the response because the door closes behind her.
I watch as Lily and Petal dance together, and now I know nothing will keep me away. I need to make a better effort to be with them. They love me, and I’m too afraid to love them back.
“It wasn’t like what they imagine, was it?” Cade’s question startles me into spinning around. I hadn’t realized he was still here. I thought he went back into the garage with Jace.
“I’m not sure what you mean.” But I do. All too well.
“Don’t play with me, Calla. Don’t play with them either.” He nods his head to his building.
Sighing, I knew this was unavoidable. “No. But they can never know.”
“They have to know.” His arms cross, and he looks bigger, bulkier. More terrifying.
“It will only hurt them, and that’s not why I’m here. They’ve been hurt enough by Mamma.” Walking past him, I don’t give Cade a chance to respond as I head inside to say hi to Petal, Mac, and Wheeler.
My sister immediately envelopes me in a hug, whispering into my ear, “Thank you for coming this weekend. She talks about you all the time.” I feel even worse for not being around more now.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t ask me, Petal. I just don’t know how to do this family thing. I don’t want to screw it up.” I finally confess a tiny portion of my fears to her.
Her eyes widen before she squeezes my hand. “Do any of us, really? It’s mostly trial and error. But we’re family, and we’ll help each other through anything.”
As the baby starts crying from Cade’s office, Petal goes to tend to him, and I fight back the tears. She has no idea how much I needed to hear that from her. I didn’t either until now.
Jace
* * *
Observing Calla from a distance has allowed me to see more of her. Her insecurities, the fear, the fight or flight response, where she leans heavily towards flight. Calla is ready to run at a moment’s notice, and there can be only one reason for that.
She's been hurt before. Badly. Likely from her mother. The mother she keeps insisting was wonderful but mentally ill. If I had to guess, Calla suffered for years at the hands of the woman who birthed her, and she doesn’t want to say anything.
Watching her talk to Cade, the color drains from her face, and my friend becomes defensive. I want to intervene, but I also know he’s confronting her about the exact things I’m thinking of, and in order for him to be okay with Calla being around the kids, he needs this. Hell, I believe Calla needs it too.
To know that she’s not going to be rejected or abandoned because of her past. Especially from her brother-in-law. When she walks away to go inside, I stride towards Cade.
“Everything alright?” I ask him, not letting on to my own thoughts.
“You ever get the feeling she’s hiding shit?” We share a look. “Glad I’m not the only one.”
“What are you thinking?” I ask him as we watch Calla and Petal hug through the office door.
Pondering my question before answering, Cade scratches his chin. “If I had to guess, I’d say she was knocked around. She’s entirely too frightened by me, you, and Beck not to have suffered at someone’s hands.”
Blowing out a breath, I agree with my friend. However, I think it runs much deeper than that. “You notice the wild look in her eyes sometimes? After loud noises, sudden appearances of people? She startles easily too.” There’s a shit ton more I’ve noticed about her, but I keep it to myself for now.
“Yeah,” he mutters as Calla comes back out.
Walking towards her, I smile to ease some of her discomfort. “Ready to go?” She only nods, looking at Cade quickly before her gaze hits the ground. “Smart choice wearing jeans and a coat,” I say as we stop at my bike.
“Huh?” She looks down and shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.” I can see she’s distracted.
“Aren’t you hot, though?” It’s nearly a hundred degrees outside; I can’t imagine she’s comfortable in her attire.
“I’m fine.” Letting her off the hook, I climb on my bike after helping her with her helmet. As she slides in behind me, I can tell she’s uncomfortable with our close proximity, but I reach behind with both hands, grip her hips, and drag her as tight to me as possible. After wrapping her arms around my waist, I start the bike, and we’re off.
We head to the mall in Torrance because it’s just a little bit farther away, and I'm enjoying every time her fingers dig into my abs. The way she squeezes her thighs on my hips when we round a corner a little faster than I should.
By the time we arrive and park, she’s glued to me, and I’m asshole enough to admit I fucking like it. Calla hops off like her ass is on fire, and unfortunately, trips over her own feet. I catch her before she takes a dive to the asphalt, pulling her into my arms and across my lap.
Feeling her against the front of my body is a whole other experience. My dick twitches and begins to grow. By the widening of her eyes, she feels it too.
“You okay?” I choose to ignore the beast burning to lay claim to the sweet girl in my arms and instead brush the stray hair off her forehead. “I really want to fucking kiss you,” I say, lifting her chin with a gentle knuckle.
“You”—she swallows—“you do?” I give a sharp nod before descending on her.
Our lips graze softly at first, barely touching, but then she sighs, and my instincts take over. Devouring her mouth, I nip at her lip the way she always does. Wrapping my arms around her back, I drag her as close as possible—the feel of her hands on my chest is nearly more than I can handle.
My body is on fire as I slow the kiss down to light pecks. “Damn.” I grin as her eyes open, turning nearly obsidian with her pleasure.
It takes a minute, but I see the panic enter her gaze. Before she can move, I settle her on her feet, so she doesn’t hurt herself.