“She keeps talking about NASA.”
“NASA?” I repeat.
Confused, I look between Serene and my brother. What is NASA?
Serene leans in, eyes alight with excitement. “Oh, it’s a space program from my time and the fact that Alex knows this has me thinking she’s well beyond her time.”
Once again, Étienne shakes his head. Not even he—the most forthright person I know—has the heart to tell her she’s wrong. The joy and pride on Serene’s face is almost infectious, the longer I look at her, the more convincing her story becomes.
“Anyways, let me show you to your room,” Serene says. “To be honest, I’ve been waiting for this moment.”
“Me comin’ home with my tail between my legs?” I ask as we walk down the hall.
“No. I’ve been waiting for you to come home in general. It was torture not showing you all the changes.”
“And do you know who she told instead? Me,” Étienne says behind us, his voice droll.
I look over my shoulder at him. “My God. The nerve of her.”
Étienne grunts in reply.
We stop in front of one of the guest rooms, and I nearly sigh with relief. There were three guest rooms at Belgrave, and each one had a theme. There was the Pink Posies Room, that never went a day without fresh flowers. The Sunrise Room, and the Ships and Sails Room, with a hand-painted mural of the Isle of Palms, proudly displaying the palm trees. However, it’s the rich colors of the Atlantic waters lapping at the shore that capture your eye. If I had to pick a room, it would be the Sunrise Room. The name originated from its location of facing the front of the house and all the natural lighting that came in. It was always Momma’s favorite room, too. She would put her favorite guests in this room, and that’s why she put great care into decorating it.
I don’t think Serene knew that, and thankfully, she hasn’t changed next to anything about this space.
“I hope this okay,” Serene says, interpreting my silence for disapproval.
At once I nod. “It’s lovely. Just lovely.” I hurry into the room and place my handbag and valise on the bed as though the matters settled.
Linking my hands in front of me, I look toward the doorway, where Serene and Étienne stand, almost uncertain to step over the threshold. In a different time, I would have happily welcomed them in, and then proceeded to tell them about my travels. Étienne would soon tire of all my talking and excuse himself. But Serene would stay. Like Rainey, we could talk for hours. The importance and topics of our conversations didn’t matter.
Standing here now, silently, knowing full well our past routine makes me squeeze my fingers together so tightly my nails dig into my skin. I don’t want to talk.
Not yet.
“Well. We will let you rest. I’m sure you’re tired.” Uncomfortably, Serene looks to Étienne. “From all of your traveling of course.”
“Of course,” Étienne says right behind her.
“Of course,” I agree.
I look between the two of them, wondering when they will ask about my time at Brignac House. It is a matter of time. I simply needed to prepare myself.
“Right,” Serene says, emphasizing her word with a clap. “Well, let us know if you need anything.”
Once my brother and sister-in-law leave the room, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I sit on the edge of the bed and slip off my shoes. I don’t realize how badly my feet have been aching until this very moment, and yet, I still don’t pay them much attention because my heart is aching far worse.
Over the years, I’ve often contemplated what I’d say to Asa if I was to come face to face with him. I envisioned myself being the very definition of brave and telling him how much I still loved him, even after everything we’ve been through.
But that was before I stepped into church, saw him standing at the altar, and every eye in the room turned to look at me.
I lie down on the bed and curl into a fetal position. My stomach churns as I think over today’s events.
Asa’s married, and it’s not to me.
The tears build behind my eyes. They’re begging to be set free. If I knew how to let them go, I would. Instead, the painful emotions build inside me until I’m nearly choking on them.
What did you think would happen when you stepped into the church? That Asa would change his mind, and marry you instead? You’re foolish and ignorant. You are—
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the negative whispers in my head.
No matter how heartbreaking and embarrassing today might have been, there’s still one small beacon of hope in my life, and that is that I’m finally with my family, once and for all.
When I open my eyes, my room is dimly lit. Light outlines the windows and closed curtains, trying its best to get inside.
I didn’t shut the curtains. Who shut them? I feel a momentary sense of panic. At once I sit up in bed. I swallow, feeling a small burn in my throat. My mouth feels dry. How long have I been asleep?
As I look around, it takes me a moment to remember I’m no longer at Brignac House. As much as I loathed that dreaded place, I cherished my room. It was my safe haven, a port in a never-ending storm. To be away from the four walls that consistently protected me from my mother-in-law and husband for years, is alarming.
The silence is unsettling. I can still hear the shrill sound of Matilda’s voice in my head, either crying out for one of the servants, her husband Robert, or me. Once one of us arrived, she demanded to see Oliver. Matilda always wanted Oliver.
You are safe. Matilda can’t get to you.
You.
Are.
Safe.
“Aunt Nathalie, you snore.”
Clutching a hand to my chest, I look to my left and find my niece staring at me with wide eyes. “My God, Alex. You scared me!”
Alex, on the other hand, serenely stares back as though we’re having a deep, meaningful conversation. The child has an unnerving stare, intense and sharp as if she’s trying to understand the inner workings of my mind.
I take a deep breath and gather the sheet around me. “You cannot walk into people’s livin’ quarters without their permission.”
Alex shrugs and climbs onto my bed. “I knocked. You didn’t hear me. Because of your snorin’.”
“I do not snore,” I say indignantly.
Alex sits across from me; she crosses her little legs and blinks at me with her green eyes. “You do.”
I have a strong suspicion this conversation could continue for hours. Alex has a calm, yet stubborn gleam in her eye that Étienne possessed. As a child, my parents said he would debate with anyone until he wore the other person down. He could have had a glowing future as a lawyer.
“Very well,” I concede, reminding myself she’s a child. “What do you need?”
“Momma and Daddy sent me up here. You missed dinner last night.”
I sit up straight. “I missed dinner?”
Alex nods. “Yes. Daddy wanted to wake you, but Momma said no and that if he woke you, he had to change Trace’s diapers for an entire month.” She crinkles her small nose. There’s a tiny smatter of freckles across her pale skin. “His diapers are smelly.”
I nod, as though I understand what my niece is saying, when I’m truly trying to understand how I slept for so long. Why am I so surprised? Even though I found a safe space at Brignac House, I could never quite become comfortable enough to sleep longer than two or three hours.