My heart aches at the thought.
I never in my life thought I’d be doing this. I’ve been planning for my wolf since forever, thinking I was safe in the shadow of my mother and what she meant to the pack. The weight of what I’m doing, what I’m leaving, is crushing, but I know it’s what I have to do. I exhale a resigned sigh and tuck my thumbs in the straps of my bag. I round a corner, my gaze tracing the cracks in the pavement as I calibrate myself for the new life I’m walking toward, when a squealing voice calls my name.
“Senecaaaa! I didn’t know you were coming!” Trinity White calls out, and my head snaps up to find no less than ten females spilling out of a pack van on the side of the road.
My breathing stops and my heart stutters for a beat before picking up and kicking into high gear.
Shit. What are they doing here?
I look around the neighborhood of houses, like I’m making sure I didn’t circle back to pack land, because I can’t for the life of me understand why they’re here of all places.
This is what I get for thinking everything was going so smoothly. Why do I have such horrible luck?
The gaggle of females gather on the sidewalk, most of them talking excitedly, looking over at the two-story house in front of them. That is, until they spotted me. The jubilant chatter slowly dies off as looks of empathy and prudence fill their gazes.
“I am so glad you decided to come, this is exactly what you need! Get out of the house, let loose, and let go of the funk you’ve been in,” Trinity declares, as though my funk is nothing more than an unjustified episode and she holds the cure.
I look away from her to the clear road just beyond them and try to work through a way past.
“Seneca, come on!” Trinity calls again, practically jumping up and down in excitement.
I just stand there, confused about what to do. My eyes flicker over to the van, and my stomach drops when I see Seamus in the driver’s seat. The giant of a man is staring at me, his face hard as stone, like he knows. When I see his gaze drop down to where my hands are clutching my backpack, the blood drains from my face. It’s enough to spur me into action.
I let a carefree, excited smile take over my mouth before I hurry over to the small pack of females. “Hey!” I greet them like some mindless twit, hoping against hope that I’ll blend in enough for Seamus to ignore my presence.
Trinity jabs her shoulder against mine playfully, her heart-shaped face beaming as she gathers her black hair onto the top of her head in a messy bun. “I’m so excited you came! Daisy, aren’t you glad Seneca came?”
Daisy is as pretty as her name, so short and petite she can probably be plucked off the ground as easily as her namesake. “You never come to our get-togethers,” she says, coming up beside Trinity. Her voice is light but her eyes are slightly wary. She’s right. Although we’re all in the same pack, I never lived in shared housing like some of them, and like my mother, I was more of a loner. “This is going to be so much fun.”
I just nod and smile, because although I have no idea what they’re talking about, I can feel Seamus’s stare burning a hole in my back. I clutch my bag tighter, my entire body hot with burning worry. All I can do is play this off and pretend I was meeting them all along. If I try to leave now, Seamus will know. It doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere, based on the way the windows are rolled down and the engine is off.
Crushing disappointment at my failure to escape floods my ears. My mind whirls, trying to spin a new plan, so I don’t even hear the girls as they all continue to talk. On autopilot, I follow the group, and we make our way across the lawn until Trinity is knocking on a robin egg colored door.
It swings open within moments, and the crowd surges inside, bringing me right along with it like a leaf in a river. We fill up a decent-sized entryway where I’m swept up in the noise of happy hellos as we’re greeted by a trio, and my nose immediately perks at an unmistakable smell.
Lycans.
I study the three people with wary curiosity. I’ve always felt a little sorry for our shifter cousins. It’s said their bloodline was cursed centuries ago, which is why their transformation is so terrifying. Unlike my pack of Totemic shifters who can transform at will from human to animal once we have our wolf spirits, shifting is uncontrollable for Lycans. Their bodies are forced into it by the moon, and though they’re practically unstoppable once they shift, they’re also terrifying monsters that walk on two legs, complete with wolfish faces, hair-covered bodies, and animalistic rage.
These three are family—that much is made immediately clear by their resemblance. All of them have dusky skin and dark hair, with wide, friendly mouths made to smile, and almond-shaped eyes. You’d never know looking at them now about the Underworld style monsters they turn into.
There’s an older woman and two younger Lycans, a male and female, who look so alike that my guess is they’re fraternal twins. And based on the collar-to-knee aprons they’re all wearing, I realize what this little trek is. I’m so out of the loop when it comes to the social happenings of the females my own age that I forgot I heard talk about them planning a treat yourself day before the Flux.
I just unwittingly walked into a girly bonding thing.
Uncomfortable is an understatement to how I feel right now. Not because the girls are bitches or anything—I don’t subscribe to that generalized bullshit—it’s just that I’ve never become friends with any of them. We’re friendly sometimes, but I’ve never felt bonded or experienced that click you feel when someone really gets you.
I take in the comfy-looking home as our group is led further inside, to a set of stairs leading down into a finished basement with beautiful plank flooring, barber chairs, and lit up mirrors. The entire space is wide open and welcoming, the faint scent of hair dye fumes clinging to the walls.
I wait awkwardly at the base of the stairs as three of the females are immediately selected from the group and placed in the salon chairs to await their pampering.
“So, why’d you decide to come?” Trinity asks, leading me toward the couches set up on the far side of the space. The rest of the group is already over there, flipping through hairstyle magazines and watching reality television from the hanging flatscreen.
“Oh, um, I needed a break, and I figured it would be fun,” I offer, hoping that doesn’t sound as cringy as it felt.
But Trinity just smiles kindly at me before hip bumping another girl over so she and I can perch ourselves onto the couch. “Are you nervous about the ceremony?”
I place the backpack between my legs on the floor, fingers curling around the handle like I’m afraid someone will rip it away from me at any moment. “Definitely. You?”
“Yeah. But I’m excited too. I feel...empty lately. You know?” she asks, thick black lashes fanning across her cheeks with every blink. “Like my soul is missing that other part of me. I can’t wait for my new spirit to come and fill that space.”
My chest gets tight again, and I have to work to swallow down the lump that rises in my throat, because I know exactly what she means. It was easier to ignore when I was younger, but every year I’ve spent without gaining my wolf spirit, it’s been harder to ignore that missing puzzle piece. Like I can’t truly be me without her. Knowing I’m going to keep on feeling like this, knowing that I’ll never get my wolf because I’m leaving, it hurts more than I can put into words.