After some more tears, she leads me into the room where I will be sleeping. It’s a cozy room with a double bed and lovely pastel pink sheets. I’m grateful for the fact it has its own bathroom as I seem to be spoilt in that department. The only problem is, I have no clothes or toiletries. I was so intent on getting the hell out of there that I forgot all about the necessities of everyday life. Luckily for me, Jessie realizes this and offers to get a bag of essentials for me the very next day.
However, the very next day, I get the news that I had been equally suspecting, and fearing, shattering my already broken heart into a million pieces.
2
Once she’s back in the apartment on Saturday with my bag, Jessie unfolds the horror of the whole story. I had been burying my head in the sand until forced to face it, which I knew I’d have to do at some point. Jake wants to speak with me to explain. Jessie kindly told him to take a run and jump. My mum also wants to see me, but Jessie told her that she didn’t think it was a good idea for now, and to give me some space.
Then there was the bombshell. The shocker of all shocks that sent me into Jessie’s spare room, and I haven’t surfaced since.
My mum is six months pregnant.
How that happened, I have no idea, nor do I want to know. Jake and I never spoke about his relationship with my mum, and at the time, I was fine with it. Right now, though, all I can do is picture them together in ways Jake and I were just days ago. It’s sick, and disgusting, but the images are there, taunting me, goading me … torturing me.
For those three days, I lie on the bed, hearing all the text and voicemail messages piling up on my phone, but not once do I look at them.
Like now, I’m laying on my new bed, fixating on the white ceiling, trying to make my mind go blank so I don’t have to think about why I’m laying here in the first place.
Not having a clue as to what time of the day it is, I scoot my hips over to the side and look at the clock. It’s six in the afternoon. Jessie should be home any minute from work. This morning when she woke, I asked her to say I was sick as I really couldn’t face Jake after what he’d done. I may even have to get a transfer now. I don’t ever want to look at him again.
As I lay here, frozen, I stare at the beautiful mother and son painting on Jessie’s wall. I think it’s by Picasso, maybe… Seeing the way the mother lovingly holds onto him causes a sucker punch to the gut, realizing this will be my mum soon.
I’m so lost in my own thoughts that the sound of the door opening makes my body jerk in surprise. Being that my bedroom’s the initial door you come to when you walk in, I always hear it when the door opens or closes.
My shock turns up a notch when I hear voices. Jessie’s with someone, and by the low, deep undertones, I can clearly hear that it’s a man. At first, my heart skips a beat thinking that Jake has followed Jessie home and has demanded to see me. But then he speaks again, and the sound is distinctly clearer.
It’s Michael.
This is so what I don’t need right now.
“I don’t know what else to do,” I hear Jessie whisper to him. “She’s in a bad way. She’s been in her room since Friday night. She won’t eat, go out. She doesn’t even leave her bed.”
She timidly opens my door and calls my name, but I don’t acknowledge their presence at first. I don’t think I can even muster the strength to speak. As Michael walks through and takes one look at me, his mouth parts and his eyes widen with shock.
“Shit, Ana … it’s like you’re half the woman I saw three days ago. What the fuck has he done to you? Fucking asshat!” He paces the floor, obviously annoyed as he runs his fingers through his hair.
Without warning, laughter bubbles in my chest until I can’t hold it in any longer. The thought of Michael calling Jake an asshat has me in a fit of giggles. Michael and Jessie stare at me perplexed. I wonder if they think I’ve finally lost my marbles until their faces soften, and they start to laugh along with me.
“Thank fuck!” Jessie shouts. “You really had me going there. I thought I was going to have to get a doctor over to see you. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
She’s right, I have been selfish. Jessie’s done nothing but look after me these last three days, and all I’ve done is taken advantage of that. “I’m sorry, Jessie. It just hurts so bad right now.”
Michael stomps his way over to the bed, a determined look on his face. Sitting on the edge, he grabs my hand. “I’m really sorry about what happened. Nobody understands it. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. We all are. Don’t you ever think there ain’t no one out there who hasn’t got your back. We all want you well and happy, just like the Ana we all love and know so well.”
I squeeze Michael’s hand, extremely touched by his sentiment. “That’s really sweet. I appreciate that.” Needing to change the subject so I don’t get upset anymore, I ask, “How was work today?” Despite hating Jake, I genuinely want to know. I think the sadistic side of me is eager for them to tell me how sick he looks, how rotten he feels. I want to hear that he’s been pining for me all day. I know it’s ridiculous, but right now that’s how my aching and broken heart feels.
I watch as Michael looks over towards Jessie as if needing confirmation to speak. When he gets whatever answer he’s looking for, he turns back around to me and says, “It was pretty shitty to be honest.”
Jessie nods her head in agreement. “Jake was stomping around like the prick that he is, and there were a few people who let it be known just how pissed we are at him. He shouted at Bill in his office then stormed over to me, demanding that he come over to see you. He wants to know why you’re not answering any of his calls or texts. You want to know the thing that really got my goat?” I shake my head as I have no clue. “He told me that Matthew was asking for you and that he really wants to see you. I told him how dare he involve his son in all this mess that he has created, and that you will see him or Matthew whenever you feel the time is right. I can’t believe the gall of that man.”
That hurts more than anything, hearing that Matthew’s hurting too. In all my self-possessed agony, I have been neglecting the people I love. Disgusted at my selfishness, tears start to well in my eyes.
“Oh, Ana. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
I hold my hand out to her before she can finish. “It’s fine. I needed to hear this. I will have to contact Matthew. I miss him anyway. It’s not his fault all of this shit happened between his dad and me.”
Michael grabs a tissue from a box by my bedside and hands it to me. “I think you need to get up, get a shower, and come with us.”
Startled by his unexpected suggestion, I snap my head to him. “Why? Where are we going?”
Michael smirks mischievously at me. “Jessie and I are going to take you out to get something to eat. It may also be a good idea to have a couple of drinks. You need to get out of the apartment, get drunk, and forget for a while that Jake ever existed.”
I can’t help the laughter that erupts. I’m not in the mood for it, but I know if I protest, I will just be dragged out anyway. Maybe going out with two good friends is just what I need right now.