Before then I did have the subject of both sitting right in front of me and it seemed a waste not to go directly to the source. I didn’t want to just come out and ask him directly about it so I figured I’d do my best to slide into casual conversation.
“Growing up here must have been…amazing.” I looked out over the shimmering blue water and couldn’t believe that those waves were basically in his backyard.
“It was…something.”
The tone in his voice told me that it may not have been as idyllic as I might think. “Have you ever left? I mean lived somewhere else?”
“No.” He took a bite of his single scoop of cookies and cream and stared out over the water.
I found myself studying his profile, wondering what he was thinking. I had a feeling that there was a lot going on just below the surface, and as ridiculous as it sounded, I felt most people didn’t see it. Or he didn’t show them. I had a sense, a feeling, that he was lonely.
But that was ridiculous. He obviously had a brother; I’d just met him. He’d lived in a small town, where he’d grown up his whole life, so I was sure that he had friends. Stewart had called him a local celebrity. Everyone we passed greeted him, and most of them gave me a thorough once-over. It was clear they were protective of him. People obviously cared about Hank.
“What about you?” He turned his head toward me and the moment his eyes met mine, the oxygen in the open-air evaporated. His amber gaze was so deep, so captivating, I lost myself in them for a moment until he asked. “Where did you grow up?”
I blinked. “Um, everywhere. I’m a military brat. We never stayed in one place long.”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“It was…lonely. But it got easier after Ashley came.”
“Ashley?”
“My baby sister. She’s nine years younger than me and when she was born, I thought she was my baby doll. And she sort of was.” I smiled thinking about how I used to put her in the stroller and walk her around the apartment pretending I was walking her in the park. “I remember I couldn’t wait to get home from school every day so I could see her.”
“Are you two still close?”
“Yeah. Well, she’s in school in California now so I don’t see her much. But thank God for Facetime. We talk almost every day.”
He nodded and licked his ice cream. The sight of his tongue pressing against the cookies and cream as he spun it around sent a hot flash through me. I’d never wanted to be ice cream so bad in my life.
Feeling myself heat from the inside out, I tore my gaze away and looked out over the ocean, clearing my throat before asking, “What about you? Is Billy your only brother?”
“No, there are four of us. You met Billy, and then there’s Cheyenne and Jimmy.”
“Four kids. Wow.” I definitely didn’t want Luna to be an only child, but I couldn’t imagine having four. “Your mom must have been busy.”
“She died when I was thirteen.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” I turned my head back toward him. “My parents died, too, but I was eighteen.”
Our eyes met again and something palpable passed between us. A shared experience that created an instant bond. It wasn’t a club I would ever want to be a part of or wish on anyone, but there was definitely an unspoken understanding between people that lost a parent, or both, at a young age.
“I’m sorry.” He spoke with a sincerity that I felt in the deepest, darkest parts of my soul.
“It’s okay.”
I still missed my mom sometimes, but most of her life was spent making sure that everything was up to my father’s standards. Even when he wasn’t home, his presence was still there. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t miss my father. He’d always been so cold and distant, there wasn’t really anything to miss.
Shaking off the melancholy mood that always accompanied any walk down my parental memory lane, I pressed on to something positive. “I was old enough that I was able to get custody of Ashley. If it had happened before I was of age, I don’t know what would have happened to us.” And I didn’t want to think about it.
“So you raised her.” The way he said it sounded more like a statement than a question.
“Yeah.”
“I raised both my brothers, too.”
“Not your sister?”
His lips flattened into a line and his jaw ticked. It was obvious I’d struck a nerve and it wasn’t a good one. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“My grandparents came to the funeral and took her. She was only five.”
“They took her?” I blurted out. I didn’t mean for my reaction to sound as horrified as it did, but I couldn’t help it.
He nodded and took another bite of his ice cream.
I tried to let it go since this was obviously a sensitive subject, but after a few moments of watching Luna on the playground, I blurted out, “What about your dad?”
“He let them. He pretty much checked out once mom was gone. My whole life he’d been a functioning alcoholic, after he lost her, he dropped the functioning and just became an alcoholic. He did everything he could to drink himself to death after he lost my mom. It took him a couple of decades, but he finally did it. He passed a little over six months ago.”
“I’m so sorry.” Acting solely on instinct, I reached out and touched his arm. When I did I felt a jolt of electricity shoot up my arm. It was the same thing I’d felt when I’d sat next to him on the trolley before Luna asked to sit by him.
I didn’t know if he felt it too. If he did, I couldn’t tell from his expression. Hank wasn’t the easiest person to read. I slid my hand away and my fingers tingled from where they’d just touched his skin. I knew that it had to all be in my mind. It wasn’t as if he was actually electrically charged, but it felt like he was.
And electrically charged was the last thing I needed in my life.
I scarfed down the rest of my ice cream wanting to get this not-a-date over. I put the last bite in my mouth when I got a sharp, stabbing pain in my head.
“Ah.” I cringed as I scrunched my face and pressed my palm to my forehead. “Brain freeze.”
Hank cupped my mouth and nose with his hand and instructed, “Breathe.”
I did and the warmth of my breath gently eased the pain, so I exhaled again. After a few moments, it had completely dissipated and I felt my entire body relax. It was then that I had the completely inappropriate urge to pretend that Hank’s hand was an ice cream cone and lick his palm.
Down girl, I chastised myself.
I’d never licked a palm in my life. Hank brought out primal urges in me. It made me wonder what would happen if I ever gave into my base desires.
“Better?” Hank asked.
I nodded and he lowered his hand. My breathing was shallow and unsteady but it had nothing to do with the ice cream headache I’d just experienced.
“Thanks.” I shifted in my seat not sure of what to say. I couldn’t exactly get up and leave right after Hank had just saved my life. Or at least, thirty seconds of agony. “That’s a good trick.”
“My mom used to get them all the time.” A grin tugged at his lips and it made me wonder if Billy was right, if he didn’t smile. The thought of that being the case made me sad.