“I never cry,” I told them both. “Never.”
“Hey.” Rachel put her arm around my shoulder. “It’s okay. You made a choice to put that part of your life behind you, to cover that moment with something beautiful.”
“I just…” I kept crying, trying to breathe and force my way through the sudden onslaught of emotion. “I thought I was over it. I processed what happened so long ago, and it hasn’t bothered me since. I don’t understand why it’s hitting me so hard.”
“Because you’re a survivor.”
The familiar and deep masculine voice startled me, and I wasn’t the only one. Kassy jerked her head around, making me think it was a good thing she was done with the tattoo. And even Rachel jumped a little.
Linc stood there, his hands in the pockets of his uniform pants, and rocked back on his feet, while he stared at me with an expression I couldn’t place.
“Your brother told me you were getting a tattoo to cover up the scar, and I had to see it.” The gruff tenor rolled over my skin, causing a shiver to travel down my spine.
“Please, please tell me you’re getting that in your bed at night.” Rachel’s whisper was right next to my ear, and I shook my head with a small tear-filled laugh.
“Nope.” I smacked my lips together. “Once upon a time, though.”
Linc moved so that he was behind the counter but closer than he’d been before, leaning over to get a better look at my arm, which Kassy was obstructing while she inspected her work. “Can I come see?”
Since it was literally the first direct conversation we’d had in years that didn’t have to do with someone else in our families, I had absolutely no idea how to respond or if I should tell him to go fuck himself. The last time he’d talked to me, he’d been telling me to pull my pants down so he could pull a tick off my ass.
Kassy ended up answering for me. “Yeah.” She moved aside and waved Linc over. “I’m just getting ready to wrap it up.”
I couldn’t look at him, not and keep the little bit of calm that I’d managed to get back after crying. Instead, I listened to his boots hit the tile and counted.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
He was there, standing so close that I could smell him, and then he shifted. Leaning down so that he could see my tattoo, he put his arm on the black chair, practically touching me. His hand brushed my arm, and a jolt flashed from where our skin touched all the way down into my core.
Linc tilted his head to the side and then looked at me with a puzzled expression. “What’s on your neck?”
I swallowed, my throat a fiery combination of ash and regret, and moved to cover the necklace before he could see what it was. But I should have known better. Linc had always been faster than me. With one finger, he lifted the necklace I’d worn every day for over six years out of my shirt and held it up.
I was pretty sure everyone around us thought I was a fuckin’ weirdo, because I sat there with my mouth hanging open, just staring at him like a crazy person.
Linc’s expression never changed. His eyes, though, blazed fiercely as they moved from his hand to my face and back again.
He cleared his throat and licked his lips before saying anything. “You kept it? All these years?”
I bit my lip in response. I mean, there wasn’t much I could say. It’s not like I could lie about it and tell him I hadn’t. I had. And I’d worn it every single day, hoping that he’d come back to me.
“What’s that?”
Kassy stepped away from my arm, where she’d finished applying the clear Saniderm plastic so that my tattoo would heal.
“It’s my dog tag.” Linc’s voice broke on the last word, but no one else but me noticed. “I gave it to her before my deployment.”
Kassy smiled at that and then stepped away. “You two are so freaking cute it kills me.”
I couldn’t contradict her because once upon a time, I’d thought the exact same thing.
“Yeah, we are.” Linc’s voice poured over me again, wrapping me in a warm blanket of longing. “Did it hurt?” His eyes were on the tattoo, and he was still too close for comfort.
I bit my tongue, trying to clear my head of all things Linc. Because if he stayed that close to me, I was about to combust.
When I finally felt like I could breathe, I slid away from him and off the tattoo chair in the opposite direction. Once I was on two feet again, I grabbed my bag and walked out, since I’d already paid Kassy before she started.
“You know.” I looked back at Linc, who had already started to follow me toward the door, and gave him my best mocking expression. “Strangely, it didn’t hurt as much as you breaking my heart with your vanishing act.”
8
Linc
“Remember, Linc. Therapy doesn’t mean you’ll wake up one morning and be cured. This is ongoing, it’s going to hurt, and it’s not going to be easy.” Ian Keller, one of the Marines I’d been deployed with, stared at me expectantly from the chair on the other side of the room. “Your first breakthrough was coming in. Asking for help, that’s the first step. And it’s the most important.”
A nod. That’s what I managed to give him.
“You’re here because of Kennedy, aren’t you?” The blunt question took me by surprise, and I looked up from my folded hands to see him holding a pen between two fingers and waiting for my answer.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I want to be able to… I don’t know.”
“Post-traumatic stress isn’t anything to mess with. It strips those who have it of any confidence in their decisions. From employment, to love, and finding happiness in our lives.” He sighed and put the pen down on the notepad in his lap. “I remember you holding her photo and talking to her while we were overseas. Do you talk to her like that now?”
The photo he brought up sat in my wallet, and every shift I pulled it out to make sure I still had it. But I hadn’t thought he’d remember that.
“No.” My throat burned as I told him the stinging truth. “I haven’t.”
“Maybe you should.” He trailed off for a second and then cleared his throat with a small cough. “Don’t miss therapy with me, of course, but talk to her. Tell her about your worries. Let her in, because that’s the only way you’re going to be able to get past it.”
The soft bell indicating the end of our session went off, and I sighed. Whether it was one of relief or regret, I’m glad I didn’t have to answer. But when I left his office, conveniently located across the street from Birch County Sheriff’s Office, I didn’t head home.
Instead, I started toward the building where Kennedy worked and was just about to get off shift. Ahead of me, there was a small red coupe that pulled into a parking spot and I groaned inwardly.
Mallory, the same nurse that Parker had problems with, and the same one who I knew for a fact was currently dating Royal Prince, got out of her car and smiled broadly at me.
“What are you doing here, Linc?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the fake saccharine tone of her voice and instead walked right by her.