While Remy kept rambling next to me, I ran a hand over my chin, trying to figure out what to say or what to do next. Kennedy’s eyes didn’t leave mine, an open mix of confusion and love that she didn’t bother trying to hide or disguise. Until the firefighter tapped her shoulder and Kennedy blinked. When she opened them again, it was all gone. All the love, the pain, the rage, the hate. The future I could see in her eyes disappeared just like that. And I got a taste of what it was like for her when I pretended that I didn’t love her more than anything.
Any other day, and I’d let it. I’d be thankful that she wouldn’t think about me. Any other day, and I’d be okay losing the woman I loved more than my next breath.
But something changed in that cafeteria. Something I’d never be able to figure out. I couldn’t live without her. I never had been able to. There was a reason I sat outside her house at night. A reason that I never even tried to find someone to fill the hole in my life that only wanted her.
I just didn’t know how I’d be able to live with her. Not with my problems. Not with the way I couldn’t trust myself not to hurt her. There were times that I thought I’d hurt myself, when I didn’t come out of a nightmare until I was on the verge of destruction. How could I share that life with her? How could I give her forever if I might not be there to hold her through the years?
“What do you think?” Josh’s annoying voice broke the silence and I wanted to punch him in the face for the way he was staring at Kennedy. He didn’t deserve her. He couldn’t have her.
She’s mine.
My heart thumped loudly against my chest as the realization sank in. Kennedy had always been mine. Always. While seconds ticked by, my heart rate just kept going up and I fought against the urge to press my fist against my chest until the pain would subside. I didn’t care in the slightest that I sounded like a caveman, following the woman he loved around, ready to hit her over the head and take her home. If I thought it would be that easy, I’d carry Kennedy off right then.
“I don’t know,” Kennedy answered him with a hesitant smile, and my heart dropped into my feet.
“Take your time,” Josh went on. “You’ve got my number. I’ll take you out anytime, anyplace you want to go.” He looked so earnest that even though I wanted to drive his fire ax into his eye, I had to admit that he was a good guy.
My fist clenched, and I suddenly wanted to vomit. I’d literally just decided that enough was enough, and now I had to watch Kennedy agree to go out on a date with another man? I had the worst timing in the entire world.
“I don’t want to lead you on, Josh.” Kennedy’s soft voice came out soothing, but it sent my heart into overdrive. “It’s not gonna happen.” Her eyes darted to mine and the beast inside my chest roared in victory.
Mine.
Some feral part of my soul roared in delight as she let him down. Even Remy had to notice the looks passing between us since he was sitting right next to me, watching the interaction just as closely as I was.
“No problem.” Josh smiled broadly at her, taking the rejection in stride. I took the chance to glance at Remy, who was staring at the two of them interacting while shoving a French fry from his plate in his mouth. With a small shake of my head, I turned back to Kennedy.
Josh tapped the table in front of him with the tip of the ax that he was still clinging to in order to keep the kindergarteners from grabbing it. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
“Okay.” Kennedy ran a hand through her red curls, just like she always did when she was feeling self-conscious or uncomfortable. “But I don’t want you to count on it. We’re better off as friends.”
Before Josh could say anything else, Nox shoved his way back into the adult conversation, ignoring the way his friends were still talking about the machete and trying to ask if they could go over to her house after school. Instead, he put his hands on his hips and glared at Josh like he was the worst villain that Nox had ever seen.
“She can’t date you, Firefighter Harmon. I don’t think you should even ask her. She’s supposed to be with Uncle Linc, because that’s who she loves. Mom says Uncle Linc just needs to get off his ass and figure his shit out. Because Auntie Kenny might decide to up and shoot him with his own gun if he doesn’t.”
With that bomb dropped, the bell rang and all the kids filtered out while still arguing about the merits of a machete versus an ax.
An embarrassed Josh followed them out without saying a word, and Kennedy glared at Remy.
“Hey, that’s not my fault.” Remy held up his hands defensively, and Kennedy didn’t even bother looking in my direction. “That’s all on Parker. You’re gonna have to take it up with her.”
Kennedy pointed at him, but left without saying a word. She ran away, is what she did, and I let her. Because I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of that kid,” Remy announced when we were the only two left in the cafeteria.
I wouldn’t admit it to a single living soul, but so was I. Now I just needed to do something about my feelings for Kennedy and get my shit together just like Nox said.
Otherwise, I’d lose her forever, or she’d shoot me. One of the two.
7
Kennedy
I didn’t even bother knocking before walking into Parker’s house. Instead, I slammed the door behind me and headed toward the kitchen.
“Your kid is an asshole.”
She smiled at me from the kitchen table, where she was sitting with a pile of paperwork and her laptop.
“I mean, that’s not news.” She shrugged and went back to her work. “What did he do today?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Let’s see.” I plopped down across from her and laid my head on my crossed arms. “He told Josh Harmon, that hot firefighter, that I couldn’t go on a date with him because I belonged with Linc.”
Okay, so I was paraphrasing, but still, Parker could have responded with something other than an indelicate snort.
“He’s not lying. Things fell apart with douche-canoe Royal for a reason.”
It was my turn to snort, and I shook my head against my arm. Parker was the only one who knew what happened with him, since she was the one to pick me up from the hospital and check me into a hotel for the week until my bruises faded.
The front door opened in the distance, and the telltale stomping that announced Nox and Remy were home felt almost comforting. At least if they were home, Parker and I wouldn’t start talking about what happened.
“I’m getting my tattoo this afternoon,” I told her just as they walked into the kitchen. “My tattoo artist sent me a message wanting to know what I want, but I honestly have no idea.” I looked down at my wrist, where the faded and light pink scar stood out against my skin. “What do you think I should get?”
“I know!” Nox threw his backpack on the ground next to me and then grabbed my arm like it belonged to him. “You should get something cool, something that makes you look like a superhero, you know?”
Parker chuckled quietly while Nox tried to explain himself, and Remy grabbed something out of the fridge, purposefully staying out of the conversation.