For several seconds, I stared at the candles, wondering what I could wish for. What would be worth the words that could possibly come true? Nothing seemed to be of any value to me.
What was the point?
I didn’t have my men. There was no one to love.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I looked at the burning candle and knew that come this time next year, I didn’t want to feel this way. I hated the pain, the sadness. Ashley didn’t deserve it, and for the last seven years, that was all I’d been, sad.
My life kept on whizzing by and I didn’t have a single good memory. Well, I did, but I was wasting mine, and I couldn’t allow that to happen anymore.
Rather than wish for something I couldn’t have, I made one plan: to be happy. That was what I was going to do. No more wallowing. No more wishing for something that would never happen. It wasn’t lost on me that I’d spent seven years craving to be back in the arms of the men at Crude Hill high, and yet while I was there, I wanted to be anywhere but.
No more.
I was going to move on.
Blowing out the candles, I felt slightly different.
Ashley clapped her hands, cheered for me, and giggled. “Do you feel any different?” she asked, going to turn the light on.
“Yeah, I do.” I smiled at her.
She came back. “Now I think it’s only fair that we have cake, then I’m cooking you a delicious meal.”
“You don’t have to do that. We could go out dancing if you’d like?”
Ashley put a hand to her chest. “Really? You’d come out dancing with me?”
“Hell, yeah, why not? I’d like to.” She’d tried to get me to go out dancing so many times. “I’ve been a sucky roommate.”
“Don’t,” Ashley said. She offered me the knife to cut the cake. “You’ve been what you’ve needed to be. I’ve never felt … you know. I don’t know what it’s like to want to be with someone that being apart is like a pain in itself.”
Now I felt even worse. She hadn’t experienced love, and it was all my fault.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Stop.” She chuckled. “I’ve gone out dancing. I’ve been on dates, and believe me, I haven’t met anyone who has made me want to drop my panties.”
“Just so you know, I didn’t want to drop my panties for them for a long time. I actually wanted to kill them.”
“We shouldn’t talk about them. Not on your birthday.”
I slid a slice of cake toward her and she dolloped out the softened ice cream. She ran to get spoons, handing me one. I made sure I had a nice piece of cake and some ice cream before having a taste. I closed my eyes. The vanilla and dark fudgy chocolate were perfect.
“You made this, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I stayed late last night at the restaurant. What do you think?”
“You’re really good.”
“I’ve been trying to perfect this recipe for so long.” She took a bite herself and closed her eyes. “This is so good.”
“Are you not happy with it?”
“Oh, I am, but I’m already moving on to my next challenge.”
Ashley had an entire stack of notebooks full of her ideas. There were plenty of disasters in there, but she was never put off. Her enthusiasm was addictive. I finished my slice off within a few bites, and when she offered me some more, I accepted.
“I’ll cook us something when we get back from dancing.”
We ate another slice and then it was time to get ready.
After heading into my bedroom, I went to my wardrobe and looked through my clothes. I had a couple of black dresses, and I picked the one that came to my knees. When I’d bought them, I’d been a bit bigger, but fortunately, I still had the tits to pull it off.
Ashley was already waiting for me when I joined her in our living room.
“Damn, you look hot. How about we skip men and make out?” Ashley asked.
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to keep being so nice.”
“I do. It’s your birthday. What better way to be nice?”
“I’m not looking for a date, or any guy for that matter.”
“Stop being a party pooper. It’s not fair.” Ashley stuck her tongue out. “Now, let’s go and party like our lives depend on it.”
Our lives didn’t depend on anything. Grabbing my bag, I followed Ashley out of our apartment, letting her lock up. We linked arms as we made our way out into the night. People were already milling about in the street. We walked a couple of feet away from our apartment, and Ashley hailed us a taxi. It took a few minutes but finally, someone was willing to stop.
I smiled, relieved as I didn’t want to have to walk all the way to the nightclub. I didn’t know where she wanted to take us, but right now, all I wanted to do was forget about everything and everyone. Especially four guys back at a town I once loathed.
Once inside the car, Ashley kept the driver entertained, allowing me to sit back, relax, and just focus on the passing world. I didn’t know if this would be the biggest mistake in the world.
Going out for my birthday had sounded like fun, but now, I didn’t think it would be.
After half an hour, Ashley grabbed my hand, leading me out into the night. She waved at the bouncer at the front door, and much to my surprise, we were allowed in.
“I know Philip. He’s a good guy. He comes into the restaurant all the time and I helped him with proposing to his fiancée.” Ashley tugged me deep into the nightclub. The lights were all down. The music was just a jumble of notes filling the air.
People danced on the main floor. No one seemed to have any rhythm, but no one cared.
Before I had a chance to turn her down, Ashley pulled me onto the dance floor and made me work my hips. It wasn’t so bad. Kind of fun actually. No one expected anything from me, which was a welcome relief.
Pushing all my previous thoughts out of my head, I let myself go, dancing and enjoying myself. It wasn’t too hard to do. Not when I finally let everything go and just enjoyed the feelings. It was nice. Freeing.
We stopped to get some drinks, then started back dancing. A couple of guys tried to hit on us, but Ashley sent them on their way. Tonight was about me, apparently.
Finally, we were both exhausted and found a booth that made it a little more private. The music was still too loud, but we could at least talk to one another.
“This is so much fun, am I right?” Ashley asked.
“Yeah. It’s great. You know, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go out on a date.”
Ashley waved her hand in front of me. “Please, I don’t want to even think about guys right now. I’m focused on my career. Guys are like totally boring.” She blew out a breath as she looked out across the dance floor.
I reach across and take hold of her hand. “This is our life now, Ash. We’re not going back there. Ever. This is all we’ve got.”
“I get that, and guess what, the only person I want to spend my life with is you. I don’t care about men or relationships.” She shrugged. “I really need to pee. How about we have another drink and then go and get some food?”
“Yeah, I’m game. I’ll wait here.”
“Thanks.”