If I survived this, I promised myself that I would never be cold again.
That was the last thought that crossed my mind before everything went black.
A shiver ran over my skin, reminding me just how cold and scared I’d been, making me feel blessed by the Goddess to even own a pair of shoes and a jacket. I knew avoiding the cold, especially in the start of January in Wisconsin, was impossible, but I would forever be attempting to get as warm as possible, no matter what time of year. It was somewhat ironic, because the wolf that resided inside of me absolutely loved the cold.
After all, I shifted into an arctic wolf. She and I were intrinsically tied, something that I found amazing. Those around me, though? The fenrir wolves who didn’t shift? Not so much. Then again, I couldn’t expect them to understand something that was such an individualistic and beautiful bond.
As I said, when Gerald had first explained to me what the savage bite mark on my neck meant, it had been confusing because I couldn’t tell them when the attack had even happened. Everyone’s best guess was that I’d been attacked and the trauma from the experience had removed my previous memories. It made me wonder if anyone was looking for me out there. If anyone was sad that I’d never come home.
Probably not.
As I had come to accept, they weren’t lying about the attack. I had learned that there were several major species of wolf shifters in the world. Up until that time, I had assumed they meant I had been attacked by a literal wolf. Then I had gone through my first shift and experienced just how different I truly was.
Of course, my wolf had forced the first shift while we were outside in the snow and insisted we play in it for around an hour before Theresa had finally made me come inside. The human side of me had spent hours warming up again, and I still had gone to bed freezing. Not that it mattered to my wolf in the least!
My wolf could be… difficult.
She was also the other half of my soul. It was why when the other kids bullied me for being like I was, I almost felt bad for them. They would never experience what I had. I mean, it didn’t change the fact that their bullying hurt, but there was a small part of me that still felt bad for them. I may have been considered weak in our society, but I wouldn’t have traded strength for the magic inside of me. For my wolf’s calming presence, despite her being pushy.
Plus, I couldn’t blame my wolf type for the reason I’d been bullied. Not completely. It was somewhat inevitable, considering how I looked, that I would stand out, especially around fenrir wolves. Differences made people uncomfortable and mean, and I was very different looking. Colorful, almost, and not just because of the artistic liberties I took with my clothing.
First, I was far smaller than most humans. I was only around 5’2”, and that was while wearing sneakers. I had a smaller, more delicate frame. I was lean with curves and slightly toned legs, arms, and abs, which didn’t match the women I had grown up around. They had all easily been over 5’8’’ and made of toned muscle like the fitness models you saw on packaging for healthy food.
I was actually a fan of how I looked, but I was made fun of a lot, so it was clearly not a shared opinion. I had even been called a ‘runt’ our freshman year of high school, along with everything from ‘soft’ to ‘thick.’ It was something I didn’t understand—I was smaller than them, for sure, but I think they may have been referring to my hips when talking about the other two aspects. I mean, sure, I didn’t have mile-long legs and I had a bit more hips and butt than they did, but I had never viewed it as a bad thing. Luckily, on my few trips to the pack grocery store, I had come across women on magazine covers that had a few more curves like myself. It had been a marginal win, and while I’d been upset I wasn’t allowed to purchase the magazines, it had made me feel better for sure.
It didn’t matter how healthy I ate or if I worked out constantly. Your body type was your body type, and there was nothing wrong with that. I knew that, even if it was hard to remember sometimes. I just happened to be a bit more compact than the other women in my pack.
Secondly, on the more colorful aspect, my mass of wavy hair was bright. Naturally. It was lilac, filled with pale periwinkle, light blue, and lavender that brought eyes to me even during the most inconvenient of times. Hence why I was currently wearing a beanie with my hair tucked underneath, trying my best to be invisible. Some of the girls in my pack had accused me of dying my hair, but I had never even cut my hair, which was why it was down past my butt when I brushed it out fully.
Speaking of which, I was starting to think that I may need a haircut, because most of the women I’d come across had shorter hair, and the braids I’d done my hair in under my beanie, just to keep it hidden, were starting to tug on my scalp uncomfortably. At least if it was short, I could hide it easier.
I was always trying to keep attention off myself, but I had a feeling I was pretty bad at it. None of this had been a problem when I’d been in my room by myself. Maybe I could hide out in my dorm or wherever they were going to have me stay. Before anything, though, I needed to figure how to get to campus in the first place. I frowned, really starting to feel some resentment towards Theresa, Gerald, and Alpha, who had thrown me into this without any direction. Jerks.
Letting out a small yawn, I winced as bright sunlight hit directly off the face of the frozen lake in the distance, hurting my blue eyes. I needed sunglasses. Not that I could afford them, but I very much needed them. Also a coat that was far warmer than this one. Looking down at my outfit and threadbare bright-green jacket that was splattered with paint, I wondered if I could somehow make it warmer. Maybe another sweater underneath? I knew that the person had donated it to our pack’s thrift store because they assumed the paint ruined it. Personally, I thought it added some character.
Maybe I would find someone at Silver Falls that agreed with me. One could hope that I’d find someone in this large world that would celebrate quirkiness. I mean, there had to be someone willing to be friends with me on campus… right?
Goddess, I hoped so, or this was going to be a very lonely experience.
My wolf huffed, rolling her eyes as if I was being ridiculous. It didn’t surprise me. In her opinion, we didn’t need anyone. But what if we wanted someone? What if I wanted a real friend? There was nothing wrong with that, right? Sadness hit my chest as my wolf offered a small whine of concern that I swallowed down. No. I was not going down that rabbit hole of emotions.
I would find friends. I could do this.
Nibbling on my bottom lip, I ran a hand under my beanie and attempted to loosen the braid against my scalp slightly. My headache was getting worse, and there was a tension running through my frame, making me want to lay down. Self-preservation kept my eyes open and my body alert, though, because until we had somewhere to lay our head down tonight, we were not safe.
“Now arriving—Kirkwall.”
Suddenly, I was wishing it had taken longer. I wasn’t ready for this at all. Standing up a bit too fast from the train seat, the plastic-like leather creaking under my butt, I swayed slightly, feeling dizzy. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning, so hopefully campus would have something? Apparently, my scholarship came with ‘room and board,’ so I assumed that would include food? Maybe? I believe that was what the term meant.