So who had submitted my information for a late start in the spring semester? That was one more question that no one seemed to be able to articulate an answer for. Then again, I didn’t push it very much, especially since we had been surrounded by so many other pack members the past few days, everyone seemingly shocked at the change of fortune.
Despite my unease with change, it was getting me out of a toxic situation. Plus, I’d been awarded a full scholarship, so I would owe my pack and the school nothing.
Do you know how much it took for someone to want to get away from a pack that saved their life? To not want to feel indebted to the people that brought me in when I was cold and stumbling through the streets? A lot. Trust me when I said there were a hundred reasons why I’d needed to get out of there, and half of them had to do with the current bruising on my body.
I healed faster than a human but slower than most wolf shifters. So when a full-grown male wolf shifter like Gerald served out a hit or two? You better believe that it didn’t heal right away. Despite Theresa seeming to accept the mistreatment that I knew was wrong, I would take any way out of such a toxic situation. When I’d been presented with an opportunity, I’d leapt at it.
A mysterious scholarship to one of the most prestigious universities in the Midwest was not something I was going to question. Especially if no one else was. Something that I should have found suspicious, but at the time I’d been just wanting an escape. Now though, as I sat on this train overthinking the massive change I was making, the unease and anxiety was making itself known once again.
Had they truly wanted me gone that bad? Was that why they had jumped on it? I hadn’t thought I was that much of a problem, considering I normally kept to myself.
More so, was this a bad idea? Or a dangerous situation?
Shaking myself, I swallowed nervously, not allowing myself to dip into too negative of a thought pattern. I needed to give this a chance—maybe it would be a change of luck. One that I would have never been afforded by my old pack. A place where I would have been relegated to a lower position in the hierarchy simply because of the type of wolf I was. Because I was different from them.
No one had ever made it a secret growing up that I was not only different from the rest of my pack, but not exactly welcome. I wasn’t a fenrir wolf. I never would be. I hadn’t been ‘blessed’ with strong genetics like them, so I wasn’t particularly strong, fast, or aggressive in nature. Unlike their heightened magic, I legitimately had to shift to be even somewhat dangerous. ‘Somewhat’ being the key word.
I was a bitten wolf.
A species of wolf that wasn’t considered exactly ‘top tier’ within our society. Well, what I knew of our society, which was fairly limited. I had never been allowed to venture out past our pack’s small territory, so I wasn’t positive if that was the case everywhere else.
It was why I had been so shocked when I was allowed to just leave today. Just walk out and go. Why had they suddenly changed their minds? Why was I now being thrown right into society and expected to survive on my own?
I liked to think I’d read enough to have a general understanding of how things worked, and I knew I was fairly intelligent, but I felt blinded and overwhelmed. How could I focus on everything going on around me while also trying to just get to my destination? I mean, I’d been nearly hit by a car just crossing the street an hour or so ago, and that was because I’d been busy staring up at the top of the skyscraper I’d walked out of. Who knew there was so much going on right outside of my pack’s territory?
So much left unexplored. An explosive, vibrant city that I hadn’t been allowed to experience and was now being forced to leave. I suppose I could have just ventured out on my own, gotten off at one of the stops, but I had no money and no idea where I was. I had been told to take the train north to Kirkwall, and that was it.
Easy, right?
Not so much, considering I had never felt so alone in my life. I didn’t like my pack, but at least it was familiar.
I wasn’t sold that kind and good people, like the ones you saw in movies, actually existed in real life. Not fully. To be fair, if you had the experiences I did, you would probably be skeptical as well. I’d been bullied constantly by the pack, and more specifically, my peers, throughout school. The few times I’d tried to stand up for myself, I’d ended up bruised and bloodied. A ‘show of dominance,’ the teachers in our pack had called it. Well, it had for sure shown me how weak I was in comparison to the others.
Sometimes the attacks would come out of nowhere. Like when Lindsey had slammed me up against the lockers and dug her nails into my neck hard enough it had left scars, threatening me to leave her ‘mate’ Jordan alone. I still had no idea who Jordan was, and I didn’t think they were mates.
Other times the attacks were preceded by a sense of dread accompanied by a panicked feeling of being trapped. Like when I was a freshman and two seniors had trapped me in the locker room, both of them claiming they wanted to find out if I was their mate or not. At fourteen, I’d been extremely confused, but it had started to click together when their large bodies had crowded me into a corner and their hands had started to run across my skin in a sickening pattern. I’d been so scared that I’d frozen, and luckily, the coach had walked in and dragged both boys away, leaving me slumped against the bench feeling cold, confused, and horrified. I still sometimes felt their touches when I had nightmares.
After only a year of high school, I had begged Theresa to let me take courses from home. I would homeschool myself, even if my education suffered somewhat. She hadn’t agreed to it at first, but once I had explained the situation to our Alpha, he seemed to agree it was the right move. It was the only time I had been happy to have his attention on me. Usually, he left me feeling uncomfortable like the other men in our pack.
So while I had deprived myself of normal social interactions outside of Gerald, Theresa, and Alpha… I had felt safer. At least somewhat. I mean, at least I could control who was hurting me if I only saw three people. It didn’t stop Gerald from hitting me, but it was better than not knowing where the next blow would come from. Luckily, I didn’t ever feel uncomfortable under my own roof like I had with those boys in the locker room. I think Gerald hated me more than he would ever like me, so I had taken the small win.
Maybe that was why I found myself missing the small apartment just a bit. My bedroom, mainly. My safe space. It was the place I could lock my doors and play pretend that what existed outside was a loving family. One that actually claimed ownership of me and not one who just took me in because I was half-dead on their doorstep.
I knew they didn’t consider me family. I was simply a little wolf they had taken in like a starving puppy that was half-frozen on a cold night. Not that I wasn’t grateful… but I knew that I wasn’t very important to them. I wasn’t very important to anyone in general.
I think that had been in part why everyone had been shocked when news of me leaving for Silver Falls University had made the rounds at the pack meeting. It had been met with dirty looks and I had sunk into my chair, wishing more than anything that the meeting would end so I could retreat back into our apartment. I didn’t need their attention. Not for something that they were so clearly upset over.
I couldn’t even blame them. No one in our pack would have ever tried applying to a school like Silver Falls. It was one of those prestigious universities that was unattainable for those of us that hadn’t been born with a silver spoon in our mouth, so to speak. It was probably why the population of the school was so tiny, because getting in was so impossible.