I nodded, not moving forward. “Oh. Well, dinner was fine.” A lie.
“Are you sure? You look sad. Do you want to talk about it? We can get some coffee. Just you and me.”
I shook my head, keeping the smile on my face. “No, I want to go inside. But thank you for checking in on me.”
“No problem. Anytime you want coffee, I’m your man.”
“I’m sure,” I said, not delving into what he was really asking. Still, I gave him a little wave and made my way into the house, locking the door behind me. I looked at him through the blinds and saw him walk back to his car, the one he had been washing when I came up.
He wasn’t creepy, just a guy who liked to ask me out often. Or like any suburban cul-de-sac neighbor, happened to know my schedule. I mean, I knew when he went to work, and the fact that he had guys’ night every Thursday. I guessed it wasn’t too strange, but coming from Jacob attacking me as he had, I was a little raw and over dealing with human beings.
I went to make coffee. As I finished, the doorbell rang. I cursed under my breath. I was not in the mood to deal with Hotch again. Sure, he was nice, but sometimes he clearly didn’t get the hint. I looked through the peephole and wanted to bang my head against the door. If only it had been Hotch. Perhaps I should have gone out for coffee with him. Hotch was pleasant and not threatening at all. He didn’t make me feel like crap. He didn’t make me feel anything, and that was the problem.
“Annabelle, I know you’re in there. I see your car.”
“Go away, Jacob,” I called through the door.
“I’m here to apologize. To say I’m an asshole. I can shout it through the door, but we already talked about how we don’t want the cops making a visit to the cul-de-sac.”
I groaned and knew that I needed to get this over with. Plus, Jacob mentioned apologizing. I knew his mother probably forced him into it, but if we did this, maybe we could get it over with.
And I wouldn’t have to feel like crap anymore.
I sucked in a deep breath, rolled my shoulders back, and steeled myself as I opened the door. “Mr. Queen,” I said, glaring at him.
His lips quirked for a moment. “Only people on the other side of the bench call me that,” Jacob teased.
“I bet they think you’re just as much of an asshole as I do.” So much for trying to play nice.
“I deserve that when it comes to you.” He paused. “May I come in? I mean, I don’t mind airing my dirty laundry out in the middle of the street, but your neighbor’s out here glaring at me with a hose in his hand. And by the look on his face, I’m not sure he’ll stop at merely spraying me down.”
“Come on in. Though you should know, I’m not in the mood to air anything right now.” I stepped back, and he walked into my home, his hands in his pockets. He was clearly doing his best to look non-threatening, as if he hadn’t already tried to rip out my heart and stomp on it a few dozen times.
“Make it quick. I need to get to work.”
He gave me a curious look. “It’s Sunday...”
“You’re a lawyer opening up a practice here. I’m pretty sure you should be working right now, too. Let’s not get into who’s working too much.”
“You’re right. I should be working. However, I’m not yet because I’m an asshole, and I needed to make sure you knew that.”
“You don’t need to explain that to me. Your actions spoke far louder than your words ever could. Now, if that’s all, you can go home. I think you know the way.”
“Annabelle—” Jacob began.
“What?” I snapped, not liking how he said my name. I didn’t know what it meant, and I definitely did not want to think about the reasons it could mean something.
Ever.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’re supposed to be good with words. And I know that people who say they’re sorry but don’t say what they’re sorry about only want to get through the apology quicker. So, you should tell me exactly what you mean.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I thought before. How I treated you. And how I’m treating you now. I’m finally listening to what you said, and what my parents said all along.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets, then ran one over his face. “I miss him so fucking much, Annabelle.”
A little part of me broke, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I miss him, too, Jacob. The two of us continuing to fight won’t bring him back, though.”
“I know,” he said, dropping his hand. “I felt like I was losing him before he was even gone when we were younger. And I know now that he was just scared. But I needed someone to blame, and everyone else blamed God, so I blamed you.”
I wiped a tear from my face, annoyed that I was even crying. “I blamed God for a while, too. Then I blamed the doctors and fate. And then myself for not finding a way to cure him when I was eighteen and had no idea what I was doing.”
Jacob’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Of course. It’s all stages. But the thing was, I never blamed you for walking away. For looking at me the way you did because I thought you were hurting.”
He pressed his lips together and gave me a tight nod. “You were the easiest scapegoat. And I saw what was happening and took that twisted narrative and made it true, rather than leaving it as the fiction it was.”
“I hated every minute of the charade. The press. I had to put on the fake smiles because the world needed to see we were brave, and that I wasn’t dying inside. But we raised so much money for research. And there have been a few breakthroughs since. Small ones, but it’s something.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I keep up on it. And a percentage of my income goes to it. That and research for ALS.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my composure. “I’m so sorry about Kelley. I love her so much. It’s not fair that she’s sick.”
“It’s not fair what’s happened to my family at all. But you’ve always been here, and I never knew. It’s like my parents decided to make sure that I never knew how much you took care of them. How wonderful you are to them.”
“I think they remembered how you felt about me and didn’t want to make things more awkward.”
“Until I needed to move back because my mom was running out of time. And she’s right. There isn’t enough time in the world for me to continue hating you. Especially when you don’t deserve it.”
I let out a breath, shaking my head. “That’s the oddest apology I’ve ever heard.”
“It was the strangest reason to hate someone I’ve ever heard,” Jacob grumbled. “It’s going to take me a while to untwist the narrative I created in my head. But I’m telling you now, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said, and for what I thought. I’ll figure out how to deal with this.”
“We live next door to each other, Jacob. And I’m not leaving your parents’ lives. Especially now. We’re going to see each other often. Can you handle that?”
He gave me a tight nod. “I think it’s time I figure out exactly who Annabelle Montgomery is.”