“I know that part,” I whispered.
“But do you know that Annabelle didn’t want to marry him or have any part of it? That she was afraid it would be too much for him?”
I shook my head, frowning. “No, I thought she egged him on.”
“You’re such an idiot,” my dad said, and my head shot up.
“I know what I saw.”
“You saw what she wanted you to see, the brave face she put on because she was losing her best friend. And she could have used another friend then, but you turned away from her because you were scared. And I get it. We did, too.” My dad let out a shaky breath, his eyes filling with tears. “We knew it was insane. That not everybody would understand. But it’s what he wanted, and when Annabelle saw your brother looking so happy at the thought of a wedding and some form of normalcy, she said yes. And she let herself become this other person who had to deal with the media and everything else because she needed to breathe. I only know a fraction of what she felt,” my father added.
“She wrapped herself in such a shell that we couldn’t break through. But she was strong for Jonah. For our son. Your brother. And she raised thousands of dollars for research for cystic fibrosis. Hundreds of thousands. She went viral before viral was a thing. She did the media coverage and everything because she couldn’t do anything else to help the boy she loved. So, yes, she became a minor local celebrity and a small spark on the national media circuit along with Jonah. And I still don’t know all of the emotions she experienced, but I do know that she didn’t want to do it. Maybe she hated every minute of it. Perhaps she didn’t mind it. Who are we to judge either way?”
“She said you asked her,” I whispered, trying to reconcile what I had felt before and what was going on now.
“Yes,” my mother said, her voice firm.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because Jonah wanted it. My baby boy was dying, and I needed to give him something. So we asked Annabelle to do something she didn’t really want to do because I didn’t know what else we had for him,” my mother whispered. “And, yes, it was only a marriage in name and on paper, but it gave him joy for a few days.” Tears ran down my mother’s face, and I reached out to wipe them away, but my father shook his head and took care of her. I felt the blow even though it never actually came.
“I don’t know what to think,” I whispered.
“All I know is that life is short, and we have learned the hard way that we don’t get to decide when the end comes,” my mother said, her voice stern. This time, tears slid down my cheeks.
“We don’t know what happens after this, but we do know what we can accomplish in the life we have. Who we can be during the time we have. So, I need you to go to Annabelle and fix this. I need you to see who she was so you can find out who she became. Because I love that little girl like she’s my daughter. She gave my son peace in a time there was none. And for that, I will forever be grateful. And I need you to know that we love you, too. I know you’re grieving, but I didn’t realize you didn’t know the full truth. That we asked. And that she hated every bit of it but was willing to do it because she loved Jonah. I need you to know that. And I need you to fix this.”
My mother leaned back in her wheelchair, exhausted. I stood there, my hands shaking.
“I didn’t know,” I whispered.
Dad sighed. “Clearly. Now, fix this. Figure it out. Because she’s not the monster you made her out to be.”
“Then am I the monster?” I asked.
“The only monster here is fate,” my mother said softly. “But we learned that a long time ago.” And then she leaned against the headrest and closed her eyes. I could tell she wanted privacy, and my dad needed to help her.
I nodded tightly and met my father’s gaze before turning on my heel and leaving. I needed to fix this. If not for Jonah, then for my parents. Because I’d said I would do anything for them. Maybe getting my head out of my ass was the first step.
Chapter 5
Annabelle
I had already called him a dumb son of a bitch. I didn’t know what else to say. Because I couldn’t hate him, I couldn’t yell and thrash and be angry anymore.
I didn’t know what to feel. Jacob hated me so much. The man I had called a friend, who had laughed with me, cried with me, and had been in my life just as much as Jonah before everything changed, was someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Only it had been over six years now, and people did change. Maybe. Perhaps they did. Though it was possible I hadn’t known Jacob at all.
I hiccupped a sob, annoyed with myself for crying. I shouldn’t be weeping. It wasn’t my place to be emotional over this. I needed to get over whatever was going on in my brain and focus on the important stuff. My family, my work, and I guessed, my soul.
Screw Jacob Queen.
Even if he was hurting.
Even if he hated me.
I turned into my driveway, not bothering to pull into the garage. I had a bunch of boxes in the way since I was rearranging a few things in my home office. That meant I got to park on the driveway, where I’d rather not.
I got out of the car, telling myself I would have a cup of evening coffee and work on my project. Dad was counting on us. The whole family was. And that meant I needed to do my part. I had to get my mind out of the past and stop worrying about what others thought about me. And, yes, that meant I needed to stop fretting about how my father felt about me—but that was a whole other kettle of fish.
“Hey, you’re home early,” a voice said from my left. I turned, steeling myself.
I pasted a smile on my face. Not because I didn’t like the man speaking but because I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hotch was my other neighbor, and while he was kind, he was a little insistent that I go out with him. Maybe he felt like we were closer friends than I did.
I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what he wanted from me. I knew I needed to tell him straight out that it would never happen between us, but I had already tried that, and he’d simply waved it off and said he was only being neighborly. Said he hadn’t meant it like it may have sounded or how I’d interpreted his words.
I wasn’t sure if I believed him. But in the end, it didn’t matter. He hadn’t bothered me about it again, but he was a little persistent with wanting to be a part of my life, even when I wasn’t sure what I wanted.
Then the meaning of his words truly hit me, and I frowned.
“What do you mean?” I asked Hotch as he sauntered up, a pleasant smile on his face, his hair slicked back perfectly. He looked like a run-of-the-mill neighbor without a care in the world. One who worked hard at his job and his health. He was average-looking, friendly…and didn’t do a thing for me.
I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with men right now.
“It’s Sunday. I figured you were off at that dinner you go to.”
“You know that?” I asked, drawing out my words.
His eyes widened as if he realized that he was acting peculiarly, but he quickly shook his head. “I’m sorry. You mentioned once that you were going out to dinner, and I noticed that you leave at the same time every Sunday. I like schedules and things like that. You know me, I have planners about planners.”