She stared at my uncovered face for less than a second before her gaze shifted, but the unmistakeable pity in her eyes had my stomach hollowing with sorrow. My eyes landed on the mirror behind her head and I stared at my reflection.
The first thing I used to notice whenever I looked in the mirror were my eyes. But now, all I saw were the jagged lines across the left side of my face. The scar tissue had healed, but not before leaving the lasting effect of the burns and the glass shards that had cut through my face so cruelly. The skin felt stretched tight along the messed-up tissue – my mangled flesh, lumpy and taut, pink and daunting – ugly.
I touched my cheek, feeling the bumpy scars under my fingertips. The map of scars on the left side of my face told a story, a haunting one. My fingers brushed against the faded silvery ribbons on my forehead, my slit eyebrow and through the uneven dents and lines etched in my cheek, where once it was soft skin.
It looked like someone had taken a sharp knife to my face, cutting through my tender flesh, as if it was slicing apples.
Beautiful, they’d say.
Beasty, they now whispered.
Gracelynn would say that we got our beauty from our mother, for her looks had been praised by many. But now, the word beauty was just an ugly reminder of my tarnished past and my broken future.
The idea of Killian lifting my veil at the altar had almost paralyzed me, but I knew he wouldn’t. Killian Spencer was more than just cruel. For he was still loyal to his old love.
And even if he had tried to lift my veil – I wouldn’t have allowed him. Consequences be damned.
“I think I’ll take a warm ba–”
The door crashed open, causing both of us to flinch, and I scrambled for my smaller veil, the one I always wore.
“Oh, Killian,” Selene gasped.
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I let out a frantic yelp while trying to pin my veil in place. My skin crawled and the sick feeling was back again. Like I had been catapulted into the air multiple times and I had the need to throw up now.
“Get out,” Killian said, his voice low and threatening.
“Well, I–” Selene looked between Killian and me, and when I took a shuddering breath and nodded, she gave me a tentative smile before walking away.
The door closed behind my back, leaving me alone alone in the room with Killian.
“Why are you here?” I clipped, my whole body shaking.
“Our fathers expect us to consummate this marriage,” Killian spat, his words violent and harsh to my ears. I heard him shift around in the room, felt him move closer to me. I kept my back to him when realization finally dawned on me that I was only in a thin white chemise and panties.
“Consummate this marriage?” I let out a humorless laugh. “You couldn’t even bear to kiss me at the altar.”
He was considerably closer now, his warmth spreading across my back. He was so close I felt his breath fanning at the back of my neck and the fabric of his pants brushing against my bare legs. My skin peppered with goose flesh and I trembled at the nearness of him. He crowded into me, pushing me against the vanity.
Killian made me feel small and vulnerable. But he was no merciful man.
“Turn around,” Killian ordered.
“I don’t take orders from you,” I breathed.
My heart stammered when his fingers grazed my elbow. “Maybe you should just shut up and do as you’re told, wife.”
I spun around, locking eyes with Killian. My hands landed on his chest and I pushed, putting some distance between us. “Two years haven’t changed the fact that you’re still as much of an asshole as the last time I saw you.”
Killian grasped my elbow and tugged me closer. My legs were unstable, so I wobbled on my feet before crashing into his arms. He lowered his head so we were eye level. “Two years haven’t changed the fact that you killed your sister,” he hissed into my face.
My scars itched. When I flinched, the corner of his lips curled with derision. His handsome face darkened and he looked like a fallen angel, with the insistent need for sick vengeance.
“Are you going to throw that in my face for the rest our lives?” I tried to sound strong but my words only came out choked. “I know what I did that night. I have the scars to prove it!”
That was my first mistake – showing him my weakness. Because Killian only did what he was best at. He fed on my rage and my vulnerability.
I had a habit of hiding behind my veil, not just my face but my emotions. Except, Killian could still see me.
A thin piece of fabric was not enough to hide me from his hatred.
Or to protect me from his anger.
And his endless humiliation and torture.
The veil did nothing but remind me that I was damaged goods…and I was at Killian’s mercy.
At the altar, there had been no vows to love and to cherish me. There was no honor in our union, no love in our story… and no redemption for our mistakes.
Killian Spencer vowed to make me suffer for the rest of my days.
That wasn’t a wedding. It had been a one-way ticket to eternal damnation.
He jerked me closer, his lips hovering over mine. I could feel his breath on my skin through the black lace veil. He smelled of his cologne and aftershave, mixed with a strong scent of alcohol. His fingers tightened around my wrist and I winced, feeling his nails dig deeper into my skin. His eyes darkened; they were almost pitch-black.
“Why… why do your eyes look so much like hers? It fucking haunts me,” Killian whispered, the roughness in his voice growing deeper. “You. Are. Every. Reminder. Of. What. I. Lost.”
His bitter words dripped venom, but I didn’t blame him. We were poisonous together. Toxic. And there was really no cure.
“If I remind you so much of her, what makes you think you can consummate this marriage?” I hissed, while also breaking into cold sweats. “Tell me, Killian. Can you really sleep with me? Fuck the woman who reminds you of your broken heart?”
He let me go, like I had burned him, and pushed away from me. The hand that had touched me; I watched as his fingers flexed before he curled them into a fist. Rage and disgust swirled in his bottomless, dark eyes.
Killian took a step back. “You have no fucking idea what you are playing with. You will regret taunting me.”
“What else can I lose? I’ve lost my sister and my freedom. And now I’m stuck with a man who loathes the mere sight of me. You can’t hurt me because I’ve already reached my threshold of pain and misery. But keep trying, dear husband.”
He cocked his head to the side, his stance changing from furious to… almost aloof. He was silently sizing me up, taking my challenge as a threat. After a second of dreadful silence, filled with unmistakeable tension, he finally shifted on his feet and walked away.
When he reached the door, he paused – only to spin around and face me once again. His piercing gaze seemed to knock away my defenses, digging under my flesh, sinking into my bones and burrowing underneath the cage around my heart.
Killian burned me on the spot with a single cutting glance.
And my ashes laid at his feet.
“I will break you, Beasty.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Julianna
One week later
The flowers have started to bloom and the garden smelled like spring and fresh blossoms. Yesterday, I planted new ranunculus seeds but had to wait almost three months before they started to flower.