Before going to bed, I’d opened it just a bit so I wouldn’t have to turn the handle and, therefore, no noise. But right before going to sleep, my sister Sibyl shut it, saying she hated it when the door was opened. She always had been focused on the details, especially with chores. Her wanting the door shut was a trait ingrained in each of us when we were taught how to keep a house.
She put a kink in my plan, but so be it. Just another obstacle to cross over to get to freedom.
I’d come this far, and I was going the distance. Either I was getting caught or I was out. Those were the only two options.
Turning the knob, my stomach about dropped to my knees as the click went off. It was so loud that I knew someone would wake up from it. Sucking in my breaths as if it were to help the sound stop, I bit my lip in anticipation, wondering if I’d get caught.
There would be nothing I could say to my sisters to allow them to let me leave. Nothing to get them to not tell our parents. This plan would be done and over with before I even got downstairs.
Knowing my parents, if they caught me, I’d be put somewhere in shackles until they deemed me ready to come back to the family. More than what they would do to me, they would go through with their plan to take care of ‘my problem,’ as they called it, and I wouldn’t have a choice about it.
They’d hold me down and take my baby.
Leaving had never been an option, but this time, I wasn’t leaving for me.
I was leaving for my baby. I chose her. And I’d choose her over me any day of the week.
Margaret, my younger sister, turned and faced me head-on. My heart stopped. Body began to shake. This was it. She was awake, and I’d never get the chance to leave again. Except, her eyes stayed tightly closed. I paused, taking in her demeanor. Her breathing didn’t change, the pace even and deep. She was still asleep. She only turned.
Constance, my other younger sister, didn’t move along with Elizabeth and Daphne.
The air left my body in a whoosh as my older sister Sybil’s eyes met mine. They were narrowed and confused. She was studying me. The world at my feet started to crumble, sucking me in deep.
This was it. It was over. I wouldn’t get out of here, and my baby would be dead. No. Just no.
Sybil threw back the covers and got out of bed, coming right for me. At this point, I wasn’t paying attention to the noise she was making or what would happen next. The sense of defeat overwhelmed me. A sour taste came to my mouth as my tears hit the backs of my eyelids. I was done. This was over. She was going to rat me out.
No, no, no! I wanted to scream it from the rooftop. This couldn’t be happening. So close, yet so very far away. How could I make her see? How could she understand? I needed to escape. Would she listen to reason, or just run off to our parents? My guess was the latter, and my heart shattered. It didn’t crack or break, just completely shattered into powder on the floor.
Sybil came up to me and whispered, “I’m coming with you.” She stood tall in front of me, her face serious. She didn’t blink and didn’t miss a beat.
Stunned, my lips wouldn’t move to form words. She wanted to come with me? To get away from here? She was the oldest of all of us, and I’d always thought this would be her life forever. She always did everything to a T, following every single rule thrown at her.
Yet, here she was, wanting to come with me. Was this real?
She didn’t wait for my response. Instead, she went to the already opened dresser, pulling out a few things, and then she made her way to the closet. “I’ll get a bag on the way out,” she whispered while looking over to make sure our other sisters were still asleep.
All I could do was nod, still too shocked to figure out what the hell was going on here. This was huge. Mammoth. It was more than I could have asked for.
I was so happy I didn’t have to be alone, but also scared. If we didn’t make it out of the house, we’d both end up punished. That couldn’t happen to her. It was my idea, not hers. The fear of her getting in trouble almost stopped me in my tracks as I considered calling the entire thing off.
My hand went to my belly, not feeling a bump but knowing that my child grew inside of me which got my butt in gear. Failure was not an option—not for me, not for Sybil, and more importantly not for my unborn child. We were going.
I stuffed pieces of Sybil’s belongings inside my bag because she didn’t have enough room in her arms.
Sybil loved to have things, possessions, but hers were rocks, acorns, things found in nature. It was all we could have. Given the risk she was taking in joining me, I would give up as much space as I could to give her room for her trinkets.
We said nothing. We made not a sound as we walked down the small hallway on very careful feet.
Fear wrapped around me like a snake ready to strike at any given moment. It felt like walking on eggshells knowing one wrong move would break the egg and send the people in this house on alert.
It was the unknown that scared me when it came to this place.
Sybil stopped me with an arm to my shoulder, then leaned in. “Dad’s with her tonight,” she mouthed, pointing to the door. Sybil’s attention to detail meant she knew our father’s schedule too. She was so much smarter than anyone gave her credit for. Here, though, women got no credit for being smart at all.
My hand clenched around the bag, and my heartbeat picked up speed. We couldn’t make a noise outside this door. Our father was a light sleeper, saying he needed to keep an eye on all of us. He’d bolt out of bed in a second, and there would be hell to pay. See what I meant about a boobytrapped house?
On a nod, I looked down at my feet, thankful for the small bit of light coming in through the minuscule window, and found the floorboard we needed to stay away from.
Pointing down to it as a reference for my sister, she nodded as we both stepped over it. We were able to get just beyond the bedroom door, but my relief was short lived as we arrived at the stairs.
The home was older than dirt, and my father had my brothers fixing things all the time. I flashed Sybil numbers with my fingers on which stairs to skip. While she probably already knew this, she didn’t quibble; she nodded as we descended.
Not sure how we made it all the way down without a sound, but once we were on the landing and took the final step, we both turned to each other and smiled. A slight feeling of accomplishment washed over me briefly, but we weren’t free yet.
Sybil darted off through the house. My guess was to find a bag for her things. I went to the front door and slipped on my shoes.
Sybil came moments later, slipping on hers.
Relief felt like a warm blanket. Our exit was within reach. We had this. We were going to get out of this hell-hole. Only the door kept us from the freedom we needed so badly.
Unlocking the door, the tick of the lock reverberated through the space, just as the light from upstairs came on. Fear threatened to consume me. Frozen, I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t move.
Panic wrapped around me like a cold blanket threatening to take the breath out of me.
Our time was up.
We either opened this door now, or we’d get caught by whoever was awake.
So many thoughts and emotions ran through my head, but it was Sybil’s push that got me going. The slight nudge was the reminder I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t about to come this far to give up now.
Without allowing myself time to think, I reacted. We opened the door and ran.