Then why I am standing frozen on the sidewalk? It’s all the uncles’ fault. Since I started working for Hailey, Lenny, Barney, Wally, and Sid have ‘adopted’ me. Which, on the one hand, is awesome. No one has actually wanted me to be a member of their family before. But – and this is a big but – they are the most overprotective men to walk the earth.
When they find out I took a nosedive into a swimming pool today, they’re going to go apeshit. They are not happy with my decision to become a PI. They think I’m too soft-hearted. Hah. They have no idea. There is not one thing soft about my heart.
Suzie skips to me and asks, “Watcha looking at?”
“Nothing. Clearing my mind is all.” I’m such a liar.
She snorts before grabbing my hand and yanking me into the pub. The woman doesn’t know what boundaries are, let alone that the word ‘no’ exists in the English language. Her name should be menace.
“Here she is! The winter diving champion!” she announces when we enter the bar.
I glare at her. And, yes, I know glaring is unladylike, but I don’t care. Being a lady never got me anywhere except to Heartbreak Alley. A place I’m determined to never visit again.
Barney and Sid whistle and clap. There’s only one thing to do. I curtsy. Since I’m wearing a tight sweater dress, the movement isn’t as elegant as it should be. No one seems to mind as the rest of the bar patrons join in on the clapping. Despite knowing it’s all in good fun, my face warms. My first big case and I end up in a swimming pool in November. I keep my head bowed to allow the heat to dissipate.
Hailey and Aiden rush in behind us. Judging by the mess of her hair and the look of satisfaction on Aiden’s face, they’ve been enjoying each other’s company if you know what I mean. Of course, Suzie notices as well.
“Someone got a hole in one.” She raises her hand to high-five Hailey who frowns at the hand. She rolls her eyes before wiggling her still raised hand in my direction. I shake my head. I don’t do high-fives. And if I did, I wouldn’t high-five to celebrate events in someone’s sex life.
In my previous life, sex was never talked about. Never. This life is different, however. Suzie doesn’t shy away from making rude comments. And the uncles? They’re always trying to one-up each other with dirty jokes. And Hailey is an active participant. Right in front of her dad!
“What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?” Barney shouts. Barney is the worst. He never met a bad joke he didn’t like. It doesn’t matter how dirty it is and whether there are ladies about. Oh wait. I’m not a lady anymore. I’m plain old Phoebe Adams, soon-to-be PI.
Barney doesn’t wait for anyone to guess the answer. “A guy will actually search for a golf ball.” He guffaws and Suzie skips over to him to give him a fist bump.
Lenny approaches and wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes me tight. Damn. His arm around my shoulder squeezing me tight sure feels good. Not in a sexy way, although Lenny is hot for an old guy. Suzie calls him a DILF despite him not having any children.
“You doing okay, Doll?”
I smile at his question. Before I arrived in this city, no one bothered asking me if I was doing okay. If I had a frown on my face, Mom would be all like ‘You’re creating wrinkles. Stop frowning!’ I guess I should be happy she noticed. No one else did.
“I’m fine.” I’m not lying. Well, maybe a teeny tiny lie. I will be fine. And, let’s face it, nothing bad happened except my pride took a bruising. Since pride is the deadliest of all sins, the root of all evil, I’m going to ignore the bruising and motor on with my life. Thus, I’m fine.
“Are you sure you want to be a PI, little one?” Wally asks. Where Lenny asked because he takes being overprotective to the nth degree, Wally is pushing because he thinks I’m in over my head.
I asked Hailey about Wally once. Her response? You don’t want to know. Of course, now I’m super duper curious. The man could give lessons on how to be secretive. He goes off on these ‘trips’ and no one knows where he is, what he’s doing, or how long he’ll be gone. He calls it ‘going off-grid’. I call it suspicious.
“I’m not little.” I wave a hand over my body. I’m five-nine without heels. And, except for when I’m investigating an insurance case and falling into swimming pools, I’m almost always in heels. Today, I’m wearing my brown leather boots with a three-inch heel, putting me at an even six-foot. I tower over most men. But not Wally, unfortunately.
Sid joins our huddle. “Why don’t you find yourself a good man instead of working your fingers to the bone?”
I roll my eyes. “Not happening.”
Sid is a diehard romantic. He’s been married several times. He also resembles a blond Norse god. I’m thinking Odin, the supreme deity and the greatest among the Norse gods – the Allfather of the Aesir. I may have a little obsession with Norse mythology. I blame Chris Hemsworth and those Thor movies. Movies were my escape in my previous life. And what better way to escape than watching Chris Hemsworth flexing his muscles. Sigh.
Pops joins us and pushes his buddies out of the way. “Leave her alone. Phoebe can be whatever she wants to be.” He winks before handing me a vodka martini.
Pops is the best. The whole package. Hailey lucked out with him as her father. Sure, her mother took off when she was twelve, but knowing what I do about mothers, it was no loss. Too bad Hailey still struggles with abandonment issues. Poor Aiden had to work his butt off to get her to say yes to marrying him. But that’s a whole other story.
While Pops goes back to tending the bar, the uncles move toward ‘their’ booth. It doesn’t have their name on it, but it might as well have. They practically live there every night.
“Come on, tell us what happened.” Barney rubs his hands in anticipation. “How did you end up in the pool?”
“You mean Suzie the big mouth didn’t tell you?”
“Hey! I don’t have a big mouth.”
I snort. “Yeah, sure. And rainbows fly out of your butt.”
She frowns. “We’ve created a monster.”
At hearing her call me a monster, I flinch. I know she’s teasing but old habits die hard. Wally’s gaze zeroes in on me. Damn. The man misses nothing. What is he? Some secret spy? I give him one of my patented sure-to-make-a-man-drool smiles. He isn’t buying it. He frowns, and I look away. I obviously can’t win a staring contest with Mr. Super Secretive.
“Anyway.” I clear my throat and take a sip of my martini before telling everyone about my adventures in backyard swimming today.
Everyone laughs except Wally. He tilts his head and studies me. “Why do you think Stan Brown is living there?”
I raise my hand and count off. “One, his supposed widow is definitely living there. I got her picture today.” I pat myself on the back. I may not have gotten the money shot, but no other firm has managed to capture a picture of Melanie Brown yet. “Two, no woman needs a television that big.”
“What’s the deal with oversized televisions and men anyway?” Suzie asks the table. “Is this part of the whole misunderstanding about size? Because I’ve never met a man who knew what six inches was.”