It wasn’t that she thought Ryder or the others were incompetent, she knew that they were all good at their jobs and highly trained, it was just that knowing she was a burden and couldn’t pull her own weight made her feel like a liability. Being a burden was how her family had made her feel most of her childhood and it wasn’t a feeling she liked revisiting.
“I know you will,” she told him. The cabin suddenly went dark, and Abigail involuntarily curled her arms around Ryder’s neck and held on to him tightly.
“They’re approaching from the east,” Matthew said to the others. “Spider and Cookie get Abigail out of here through the west window, Abe and I will hold them off.”
“But,” Abby started to protest, only to cut herself off when she realized that she was being ridiculous. She wasn’t the expert here and telling the guys that she didn’t want them to put themselves in danger because of her was pointless, they had already put themselves in danger by coming here and they would do anything—including give their own lives—to make sure she got home. It was noble and she respected them for the sacrifices they made and were prepared to make, but it still didn’t seem like a good trade. She was the one who was sick if anyone was going to die out here it should be her.
Ryder carried her over to the window while Matthew and Christopher positioned themselves in front of the two front windows. Hunter quietly slid open the window then climbed through it, and Ryder passed her through it and into Hunter’s waiting arms.
“Matthew and Christopher?” she asked.
“Will come once they know we’re out,” Hunter assured her.
He started moving with her and she wanted to ask for Ryder, but he was behind them, no doubt putting himself in danger by covering them as they ran the short distance to the concealment of the trees.
“Hunter?”
“Yeah, Abs?”
“I’m going to cough.” She was trying to hold it back, she didn’t want to do anything that would draw attention to them, but she wasn’t sure she could stop it from coming. Before Hunter could reply she turned and buried her face in his shoulder, muffling the sound as best as she could.
The coughing made her dizzy, and the world spun horrifyingly fast revolutions around her.
Was it trying to throw her off?
It certainly felt like it.
She heard bullets continue to fly but they suddenly seemed very far away.
Voices murmured in rapid-fire above her but she couldn’t seem to understand any of them.
Was it the Mexican men back? The ones who had held her captive? She spoke a little Spanish but not enough to have been able to comprehend much of what she’d heard them talking about.
She was moved, draped over something hard that dug into her stomach, and she very nearly lost what little food Ryder had been able to convince her to eat.
Then they were moving.
Fast.
Too fast.
Somehow she managed to get her hands curled into the hard sides of the pack belonging to whoever was carrying her. She hoped it was Ryder. When she was with Ryder she felt safe, well at least as safe as it was possible to feel in the middle of the Mexican jungle.
Ryder shouldn’t make her feel safe.
Not after he’d ripped her heart out twice before.
Falling for him again meant letting him take a third crack at her heart and three strikes and she might be out forever.
Despite all that her body craved Ryder’s touch. It was the only thing that could soothe her right now. And it wasn’t just her body that craved Ryder it was her soul. When they weren’t together it was like a part of her was lost.
Why was she doing this to herself?
Why was she thinking of Ryder beyond the fact that he was here to save her life?
Letting herself fall for Ryder again was the equivalent of standing in an airplane, removing her parachute, and then opening the door and jumping out. It was emotional suicide and yet her logical brain seemed to have checked out and her traitorous heart was acting on its own.
This kind of thinking would get her hurt, only that was the problem, she wasn’t thinking she was only feeling, and feeling was what led to heartbreak. If she’d had any sense at all she wouldn’t have let her feelings for Ryder cloud her judgment when he’d come back to her, she should have known that if he could walk away from her once then he could do it again.
And again.
If she even entertained the idea of letting him back into her life she would spend the rest of her life just waiting for him to bail.
She’d always tried to live her life by the motto that people told you about themselves by their words and their actions, and you should always listen to them and believe them. Ryder had told her that he couldn’t be trusted to stick around, she should believe that and accept it.
She had accepted it.
At least she thought she had.
Until he’d scooped her into his arms and carried her out of her prison.
“Abby? You with me? Abigail?” The harsh whisper slipped slowly into her brain, and she blinked and realized she had been set down on the prickly ground.
“Ryder?” It was dark, and while the sky must be clear because she could see the moonlight dappled through the leaves, the man in front of her was dressed in black with NVG on so it was near impossible to make out the features.
“Yes. Perez’s men are moving in on us. There are at least fifty of them and only seven of us so we’re going to hide out, let them go past us, then backtrack to the extraction point.”
“Hide out?”
“Hide up,” he said, tilting his head until he was looking up into the limbs of the large tree he’d propped her up against.
“Up the tree?”
“If we’re lucky they’ll never think of that and walk on by. Perez’s men aren’t smart or well trained, just bloodthirsty.”
“Is everyone okay?” That was all she cared about at the moment. She would do anything Ryder asked her to do and if that was climbing a tree then so be it, she just needed to know that the others were all safe.
“Duke and Benny are holding the men back to give the rest of us time to get up into the trees.”
“Will they …”
“They know what they’re doing, Abby, they’ll make it up into the trees once we get up.”
She tilted her head back so she could look up into the branches. How exactly did he think she was going to be able to get up there? “Ryder, maybe you should just leave me, I can’t …”
Lips crashed against hers cutting off her protest.
The kiss was hard and yet at the same time soft, but far too short.
“Up you go, Wolf is waiting for you. Between the two of us we’ll get you up there.” Ryder stood, bringing her up with him then hoisted her up toward the lowest branch where Matthew was waiting for her. He clamped his hands around her wrists and pulled her up beside him, keeping an arm around her waist while Ryder climbed up to meet them.
She was slowing them down.
Without her they would already be up safe in the treetops.
“I can climb on my own,” she said, pushing away Matthew’s arm as she reached out for the next branch. Her body trembled with the exertion but she managed to curl her hands around the branch and haul herself up.
When she reached for the next branch, trying to fight back a wave of dizziness, Ryder stopped her. “I know you don’t want help,” he whispered close to her ear so the sound didn’t carry, “but it will be faster if Wolf and I help.”