In the end, I decide to be myself, the self that people expect from me anyway. So, jeans and a black tank top. Black bra. Wedge heels. I arrive at Surrender before it opens, as usual, and I’m making sure my desk is in order when Master Roman comes into the entryway from upstairs.
“Hey, Cindy.”
“Hey. Anything special I need to know about tonight?” I ask him. I always check in with him or Julius before we open so I’ll know if they’re expecting a new member or a shipment or anything out of the ordinary. Surrender isn’t the kind of place that has uninvited walk-ins.
He hesitates a moment and then says, “Only that you have permission to take a break whenever you need for however long you need. Just let Julius know and he’ll get someone to cover the front desk for you.”
I stiffen and slowly meet his gaze. “Hudson talked to you?” I’m not sure how I feel about him intervening in my job, but on the other hand, he’s made it much easier. Now I don’t have to hunt down my boss and request time for a scene.
“Yes.”
I nod. “Okay. I promise it won’t become a habit or anything. I’m just curious and all.” I shrug as if entering the main club is something I’ve been meaning to dabble in for seven years. It’s not untrue. I have wanted to play for longer than that actually, but I’ve never had the balls to ask for what I crave.
What would I have done? Asked Roman or Julius or one of the Doms who comes to the club if they’d like to scene with me sometime? Fuck no. I would have been mortified. Hell, that about describes me tonight anyway.
Roman clears his throat. “Listen, Cindy, I know it’s been a while since we last discussed your privileges here at Surrender, and that’s my fault. I should have spoken to you more often. But you have a full membership here, and you’re welcome to participate in any way you’d like.”
“Thank you. I won’t abuse it.”
“If it makes you feel better, we can set up a specific schedule. How about if you’re permitted one hour each night you’re here? I’ll let Julius know and he can arrange someone to take over for you for that hour each night.”
I feel my face heating. “I doubt I’ll need an hour, and certainly not every night. Tonight is just a trial or whatever. Let’s see what happens.”
He smiles and nods. “Of course. Up to you. But don’t rush yourself. If you intend to submit, that realistically might involve a half-hour scene and then a half-hour recovery. Don’t try to hurry or you’ll be outside of your body when you return to the desk.”
“Okay,” I whisper. This is the most awkward conversation I’ve had in a long time. I still don’t have the foggiest idea what Hudson has in mind for me tonight, so I’m nervous and on edge.
“We can touch base about this again another day,” he states. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be upstairs.” He turns and leaves the room.
I’m standing at my desk, shaking and uncertain. Maybe this was a bad idea. What possessed me to ask Hudson to dominate me? I must have been temporarily out of my right mind.
How long have I dreamed about submitting to someone though? Years. A lot of them. Ever since I discovered erotic romance novels a decade ago. I’d been married, a housewife who was often bored. When e-readers became popular, it got even easier. I read everything. I joined FetLife, too. I have a secret name and lurk around in the community.
Life took an unexpected turn and kept me from ever actually participating in the fetish community, but I’m well-informed. In theory. Just not in practice.
A few hours after we open, Hudson finally comes in. I’ve been on pins and needles waiting to see him. Waiting to find out what he has planned for me.
He’s smiling as he rounds my counter and cups my face. He kisses me briefly, shocking me with his sudden familiarity. But then he backs off, his fingers lingering on my cheek for a few seconds. “Trust me?” These are the only two words I get from him.
“Yes,” I breathe. I do trust him. I have no reason not to. Again, in theory.
“I’m going to reserve a room so we can play in private for the first time. I don’t want you to worry about what other people are thinking.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. I’m relieved. At least he doesn’t intend to strip me naked and cane me in front of the entire club. I hope he doesn’t intend to cane me at all. I’ve watched people get caned online. It looks awful.
He leaves me at my desk and for the next two hours, I check people in and greet them as usual at the entrance, trying hard not to panic.
I glance at the door to the main room often, and finally, Hudson comes back through. Leah, a long-time member, is with him. She smiles at me and slides behind the counter. “Have fun. Take your time.”
I’m relieved no one is making a big deal out of the fact that I’ve suddenly decided to participate. “Thank you, Leah.”
“No problem. Any time.”
Hudson takes my hand and leads me into the main room. It’s not as though I’m unfamiliar with the place. I’ve been through here hundreds of times. I’ve seen just about everything. It’s just that I never linger. I don’t watch entire scenes. I don’t participate.
He steps behind me, sets his hands on my shoulders, and leans in to whisper in my ear. “Take a breath. Try to relax. Remember, even though you’re the submissive, you hold the power here. I won’t do a thing you don’t approve of.”
I nod.
“When we play, I want you to call me Sir.”
“Yes, Sir,” I breathe, my body shuddering. It’s the first time I’ve ever said those words out loud. Or at least out loud when another human was in the room to hear me. It feels weird and good.
“Good girl. I like the sound of that.” He strokes his palms down my bare arms, causing goosebumps to rise. “I reserved a room. Do you want to wander around in the club first? Maybe watch some other scenes?”
I shake my head. “No, Sir.” It’s not really necessary. I’m not ignorant about BDSM. I’m extremely educated actually. I’ve watched every kind of fetish play imaginable in the privacy of my home. I’ve also seen a glimpse of all types of play here in the club.
“Okay. One more question. Is there anything you’ve seen or heard about that turns you completely off?”
“No, Sir.” There are a lot of things that turn me completely on, but I’m not about to point them out to him.
He leads me from the main room to a hallway and stops at a private room. Before I can fully panic, we’re inside, the door closed and locked. I see that his play bag is already in the room. It’s open and sitting on the floor next to a black leather loveseat. There’s a spanking bench in the middle of the room that excites me. If I could have chosen one apparatus to try first, it would be a bench like this one.
“Have you ever experienced impact play before?” he asks me.
I shake my head. “No, Sir.” It’s odd calling him Sir after all the time we’ve spent together, but it also feels natural in a way. I like it, and judging by his expression, he likes it too. “I’ve never experienced anything at all.”
“Okay.” He cups both my cheeks and tips my head back. “You’re not the only submissive I’ve had the pleasure of dominating for the first time. I’ve been a Dom for a long time. There are very few apparatuses that I’m not familiar with, and I would never do anything with a newbie that I wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with.”