Edward appeared from the closet a few minutes later, holding a dress bag. He smiled triumphantly as he held up. “Legend, I tell you.”
I stared at the black bag as I tried to remember what was inside.
“It’s perfect, and you’re going to look smashing,” he told me as he placed it across the bad. Edward unzipped the bag carefully to reveal a deep blue dress. It’s color was so dark it nearly looked black. Even on the hanger, I could see he was right. Sheer sleeves tapered to elegant sequined cuffs and its long, portrait-style neck in the same light chiffon allowed it to gracefully skim the very edge of where my shoulders would be before dipping into an open back. Its bodice was simple until it reached the waistline where sequins formed an erratic, but sophisticated pattern that accentuated the curve of the hips. From there scattered sequins fell like dark stars along the fabric to its floor-length hemline.
“I don’t remember buying this,” I said, fingering it’s sleeve. “It was probably from one of Bless’s designers. Isn’t it a little too dressy?”
“Honestly, I hang around with people who have to wear tuxedos to birthday parties, so I may not be the best judge,” he said, winking at me, “but I think it’s perfect.”
“I’ll try it on.” I wasn’t ready to commit to it just yet. I excused myself to the loo to change. From the moment, I slipped into the dress, I knew he’d chosen correctly. I felt like myself for the first time in ages. There was no huge baby bump changing the way it looked on me. It wasn’t trousers and a sweater meant for mucking around the property. It was elegant and sophisticated and sexy—exactly what I wanted to wear to bring in the new year. But I wasn’t ever going to be the woman I’d been before. Wearing a dress couldn’t change that. Maybe I needed to pick something more suitable to my life at Thornham and leave London Belle behind moving forward.
Edward tapped on the bathroom door, and I opened it. His eyes scanned me before he let out a low whistle. “You’re going to wind up pregnant again if you wear that.”
“In that case, I’m changing.” I pushed past him, but he caught my wrist.
“I’m only joking. You look amazing.”
I bit my lip and stared questioningly at him. “I don’t know up from down anymore.”
He spun me around to look in the mirror, standing behind me. Edward rested his hands on my shoulders and leaned down, lowering his voice. “You’re still you. No matter what changes. Even when it’s you that’s changing, it’s okay to hold on to some bits.”
My hand reached up and squeezed his. I didn’t trust myself to say anything. Most of the time, I didn’t feel like me. I didn’t feel like anyone. And it was stupid that a dress could somehow get me closer to the person I remembered being. It gave me hope that maybe she was still in there somewhere.
“Let’s get your hair done,” he said, reaching to pull it up. “I think you should show off your neck. It’s so graceful, just like a swan.”
“I’m glad I know you’re gay or I might think you were hitting on my wife,” a gruff voice broke in. I peeked over Edward’s shoulder, angling myself carefully behind him so Smith couldn’t see what I’d chosen to wear. Smith himself had opted for a dark blue suit. One of the ones he used to wear at his offices in London. I’d always loved it. Off the top of my head, I could think of a half-dozen times he fucked me wearing that suit. My toes curled against the tiles under my feet. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe we had to find the parts of us we wanted to keep and cling to them.
Still, we couldn’t ignore the things that were changing. That’s why Smith was having hushed conversations with Georgia behind closed doors and why my aunt had been called to intervene. How could we hold on to each other when we were being torn apart?
“I’m almost ready.” I reached around Edward and shut the bathroom door. The last thing I saw was a glimpse of Smith’s stunned face as it slammed shut.
Edward chuckled under his breath. “What’s up with you two?”
“That’s a long story,” I said with a sigh. “He’s keeping secrets. But I know what he’s not saying. He thinks I’m broken.”
“He thinks that?” Edward said meaningfully.
“He thinks it. I know it,” I murmured softly. “And does that change anything between you two?”
“Shouldn’t it?” It was the very question I’ve been pondering for the last few days. “How can Smith still look at me with love in his eyes after what I did? How can he trust me? I don’t trust me! How does love survive that?”
“No,” Edward said in a firm, but quiet voice. “True love can’t be broken.”
“Even when people are broken?” I whispered.
“Especially when people are broken. That’s when love’s the strongest, because it’s made from the parts that survived the breaking,” he said. He squeezed my shoulders. “Now what are we going to do about your hair?”
A half hour later my hair was pinned into an elegant twist, I had a fresh set of false lashes applied courtesy of my best friend and my lips were painted crimson red. I hand’t felt this sexy in a long time. Despite the awkwardness between me and Smith, I found a La Perla garter in my closet and shimmied it on along with silk stockings. Maybe a little champagne would give me the courage to tempt him with a peek at them.
“My work here is done.” Edward said when I came back out of the closet. “Legend.”
“Pretty good.” I steadied myself against the door frame and slipped on a pair of silver Louboutins.
He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to make sure they’re heating up the cars. See you downstairs?”
I nodded. There were still a few things I needed to do. I made sure that I had everything I needed in a small Chanel clutch before I left the bedroom. Part of me wanted to go downstairs and avoid the nursery altogether. The part of me that was sure I didn’t deserve to be Penny’s mother. But since this was going to be one of the first nights I had away from my baby, I found myself heading there anyway. When I peeked inside, I found Nora rocking a sleeping Penny against her chest. Georgia had taken the other upholstered chair in the room, swinging her legs over the side, while scrolling on her phone. It wasn’t the picture of domestic bliss I’d anticipated when I decorated the nursery. Then, I’d expected to sit long hours in the blush pink room, an extra chair next to mine for Smith to join us. We would be a family cut straight from a catalog page. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Nora’s eyes flickered up and met mine. She smiled softly, and I took that as a sign that I was welcome to come in. It was strange to think that I felt I needed permission to be near my own child, but that’s how the last few days have been. I tiptoed inside, worried that I would wake her. When I reached the glider, I hesitated for only a second before leaning down to kiss the downy hair on her head.
“Have a good time tonight,” Nora whispered.
I swallowed, forcing myself to nod before turning to Georgia.
“You know how to reach us.”
She did a good job of not acting offended by this statement. Instead, she tipped her head. “We’ll be fine.”