“Just couldn’t stop myself.” I stood up to get another cup of coffee and offered one to Adam.
He took it. “Because he followed you around town like a lost puppy?”
“More like stalking me around town like prey but sure, we’ll go with that.”
“And when you have to leave again? I don’t think he’s going to go with you.”
“How could I ask him to? His whole life is here.”
“So you’re ripping open old wounds for what?” Adam asked. “Because Mom and Dad won’t handle you taking Ellie away from them. It’s all they talk about.”
“You’re telling me. They’ve been here more than they’ve been at their condo.”
“Of course they are. You were always their favorite and now they have a shiny new grandkid. They are going to be up your ass and probably move to California.” He rolled his eyes. “So why did you do this?”
“What?”
“Come back here and disrupt everyone’s lives only to leave again.”
“I had no one else, Adam.”
“Then why the fuck are you going back?” He was serious too.
“I don’t know. I guess I feel like I should. Ellie’s mother is there.”
He sipped his coffee. “Will she fight you on it? She didn’t fight you on having Ellie here for weeks.”
How did he always know?
“She’s barely seen Ellie since the divorce. She’s been busy with work.” Or so I wanted to assume.
“I think you know the answer.” He’d walked me right into it.
“Then what? Stay in my childhood house, keep sneaking around with Danny. What kind of life is that? She's not used to anything here.” I put aside the coffee and a hand over my eyes. When I lay awake last night, this is what I’d hoped for. I’d wanted someone to tell me to move here. That it would be the best thing for my kid. Adam had come and done that, but was it the right thing?
I hated parenting in that way. It was hit the ground running, try to not fuck up your kid with a million different options and no real guidebook.
“Why would you be sneaking around?” he asked.
“He’s been in the closet all this time. Why do you think he broke up with me back then?” No one knew. He had kept his secret. I couldn’t move here and be a secret.
“You assume he’d be that way now?”
I shrugged, not knowing what to believe. “It would still be sneaking around and I can’t just jump into another relationship.”
“You kinda already did, but that aside, why?”
“I have a kid.” I gestured at the tiny person still buzzing around the house.
“So?”
“She’s dealing with a divorce, how can I be like ‘this is your new stepdad’?”
Adam rolled his eyes. “All of you people are dense. You think sneaking around with a stranger is better than what? I noticed you think your own kid won’t know what’s up. What about when you’re serious about him and want him to move in? Then Ellie goes from meeting a stranger to a guy living here or you two living over there. Changing living situations and getting to know someone new in your life at the same time? What if they hate each other? You could break up with someone after a few weeks if she hates him, but two years in, would you be willing?”
“Of course I’d break up with someone Ellie hated.” Even if he was the love of my life. There was no one more important to me than Ellie, but it would hurt just as much today as it would two years from now. Now that the wound was open again it wouldn’t close easily. Or ever.
“But you think it’s fair to her to introduce him after you’re all serious? And I don’t think you two are going to take anything slow. Not the way you’ve been sneaking around and fucking in the shop. You two were never slow, and it’s only going to be even more so after all this time. I think sneaking around is a huge mistake.” I could feel the intensity of what he said and I agreed.
Springing anything on Ellie wouldn’t be fair to her. If I decided to do this I had to make sure to do it right. It wasn’t only my choice though.
“Can you go back to being mad at me? It was easier.”
“I’m still mad at you, but I think Ellie deserves better.” Adam stared me right in the face. “Despite everything you’ve done I can’t hold it against her. She deserves to know the person you’re in love with. Call him a friend. Take it slow. Make sure she approves. This is her life too. You don’t get to just think about you anymore.”
“I always think about her. Everything I do is with her in mind!” I was a little offended Adam was suggesting otherwise.
“Sneaking around behind everyone’s back is with her in mind?” Adam challenged.
“I wanted to make sure it was what I thought it was.”
“And you know it is now?” he asked.
“Yes.” The word was softly spoken, but his tone was filled with emotion.
“Then do this right. Stop fucking around with our parents, with Danny, and Ellie. Make the right choice this time and don’t run away because it’s easy. Let them build their own friendship. She shouldn’t have to handle any more rejection.”
He was right again. I was mucking things up and my own brother who had every right to not be speaking to me was graciously telling me how to fix my life. Ellie couldn’t have another person reject her.
But did Fiona begrudge me enough to prevent me from finding my happiness if she was going to chase hers? I had to talk to her and Danny.
Eleven
AVERY
“Is this the part where you break up with me because of what I did to you and I deserve it?” Danny had his arms crossed across his chest as we stood outside his house. I hadn’t wanted to go inside because I knew we’d end up naked if I passed the threshold.
My words caught in my throat.
“It is, isn’t it?”
There was an adorable quality to his hurt but I wouldn’t let him wallow in it.
“No,” I finally forced out.
His frown deepened but one brow ticked as he tilted his head. The wheels in his head turned, trying to figure out what I meant. “Why are you hesitating?”
“Because I find your worry endearing. I wasn’t trying to scare you. It caught me off guard.” I held out my hand for his.
He uncrossed his arms then slid his palm over mine. “Speak, because I’m worried and I know you have every right to make me wait, to make me suffer, but I’d rather not.”
“I don’t want you to suffer. It’s never been my design.” I tugged as our fingers laced together.
He didn’t move an inch, though the corners of his lips ticked up. “Please tell me why you called me over here.”
“I can’t invite you to my house?”
“Your parents’ house, and we’ve been sneaking around this whole time, so yeah, I would say it seems a bit strange.” He stepped into my space.
I didn’t dare get closer, not out here on the drive, even if the family cabin was further outside of town than most. Neither of us moved, fingers laced, not together not apart. Trapped in this middle ground.