Danny’s eyes darkened, storms swirled in the forest green. “I don’t like that at all.”
“I didn’t enjoy it myself.”
“I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
“Me too.” I hoped there was a friendship in our future, because I just didn’t see how it would work out between us. Danny had his business here, I had my non-life to go back to, there. Even if it was in shambles.
“Why can’t Ellie go back to her school?”
I laughed but it made me so angry, crying might have been better. “I can’t afford it. I got the house, which is paid off so we don’t have to move, but whereas I make good money at my job, it doesn’t pay enough for a fifty-eight thousand dollar a year private school.”
Danny coughed and stared at me. “You’re serious.”
“Most of the private schools there are that much or close to it. I couldn’t pay half that, my taxes, and afford to live in San Francisco. The public schools are fantastic, I can’t fault them, but it will be an adjustment.”
“She let you bring Ellie here over Christmas?” Danny asked, his focus changing like he’d just realized.
“She’s acting like she tried the family thing and it wasn’t for her. I don’t know if that will change but she’s barely had Ellie for any of her visitations.”
His brows pulled further together. “Poor kid.”
“It’s too much for her. Another reason we came back. I wanted to get her mind off of it. The whole having our first Christmas without mommy and Ellie feeling like her mother doesn’t care.” I sighed, the weight of it all too much sometimes. “I’m worried this is going to mess her up somehow.”
“Kids can survive a lot. I’m here aren’t I?”
I lifted a hand to stroke the edge of his eye where the scar still appeared as a little jagged line. It wasn’t super visible unless you were looking for it, tucked into one of the laugh creases. “You did live through a lot, and I’m shocked how kind you are.”
He turned and kissed my palm. “You helped me a lot. I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for you and your love.”
I believed him.
“I’m sorry I left,” I said again. “And I’m sorry I have to leave again.”
“I know you have to. Your life isn’t your own anymore.” The words were heavy, they felt much too close to goodbye.
Nine
AVERY
We spent the next few days in and out of bed. I don’t think either of us wanted to admit what would come to pass in another week. We were holding onto the here and now. Ellie didn’t go back to school until the tenth. We were set to fly back the ninth.
Ten more days. Ten more days with Danny. Could we fit in over a decade of making up in that amount of time? And then what? Where would we end up after? I don’t think either of us knew.
“Where are you taking me? Should I be worried?” I asked when Danny turned to head up the mountain.
He shot me a glance and then his attention was back on the road, back on the winding icy curves with only a guard rail between us and falling down the mountainside. I wasn’t scared of heights, but I’d never been fond of the way those roads flirted with death, even more so in the winter.
“You still haven’t told me where you’re taking me,” I said again, prying my fingers off the door handle.
“I know, that’s what ‘surprise’ means.”
I forced myself to stop looking out the window, choosing instead to turn towards Danny. “Do you remember the last time you surprised me?”
His brows knitted and I could tell he was thinking about it hard. “I can’t remember.”
I rubbed at the place over my heart, my chest aching. “Your dad was out of town picking up parts, you asked me to sleepover, you planned it all out—” I trailed off getting lost in the memory of it.
“The candles, and I drew a bath for you.”
“Mmmmhmmm, I got to wake up in your arms, wrapped in your smell.” I wanted those things with him again. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get them. I had a kid to think about now.
“I think tonight will be better,” Danny said softly.
He had my attention, and I stared at him. Danny didn’t give another word away.
He turned off near the top of the mountain to a scenic outlook only used in the summer. I sat there watching his face, waiting for him to park and explain.
He turned my way, a smile capturing his mouth.
“What are you up to, mister?”
“Come on.” He got out of the truck.
I followed, pulling my hat down and tucking hands into my pockets. He waited when I looked up, still smiling, then grabbed my hand, yanking it from my pocket to drag me quicker to his side. He pulled open the tailgate to show me he’d thrown a mattress in the back of his truck and blankets like we used to in high school.
“Do you want to watch the stars with me to bring in the new year?” he asked.
I glanced up, realizing we’d have the best view up here away from all the lights in town. “We are going to freeze our asses off,” I said, but climbing into the back as I did.
He followed me in, pulling aside the heavy blankets. I kicked off my shoes, leaving them on the open tailgate before slipping under. He did the same, coming up behind me and pressing his body to mine.
“The blankets are heated,” he whispered into the back of my neck.
“And you turned them on before we left?” I rolled in his arms to face him. “You’ve thought of everything haven’t you?”
“I have drinks, and snacks too.” His lips found mine. “I wanted to make it special.”
“You’re right, this is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me, and you’ve done a lot of romantic things.”
“I needed to show you I was still that person.”
We stayed there, lips pressed and bodies warming the space between us.
“I don’t think you’re that person anymore,” I said when we stopped to catch our breaths.
“What?”
I smoothed the crease in his forehead then leaned up to press my lips there. “I think you’re better than you were then. I think you’ve grown, I think we’ve both grown. At least I hope I have.”
“You have, but you’re the same in ways I loved then too.”
I rubbed my nose over his. “You taste like home.” And I didn’t know how to reconcile myself with those feelings.
“So do you. You always have. You’re my best friend.”
“Not anymore,” I said.
“You will be again. I can tell.” He laced his fingers with mine, squeezing them. “Watch the stars with me before I drag our heads under the covers and lie to you, telling you I need us naked to share warmth.”
“Can’t it be both?”
He laughed but started on the buttons of his thermal.
I pushed his hands off. “Let me do it.”
We stripped each other, hands-on skin, more sensual than any of our quick fucks all week. We’d gotten the desperate need to be naked out of our system, now we were enjoying the build-up. Nothing like being teenagers anymore. I liked this better. Settling into our sexuality and comfortable with it.