“This is something else,” I say, taking in the immaculate spread.
“It’s too much, isn’t it?” He pops his hip out, crosses his arms over his chest, and taps a finger on his bottom lip. He looks comfortable in a ball cap pulled low, cotton cut-off gray sweats, and he has on some kind of a man crop top. A sliver of his abdomen is showing between his shirt and shorts.
It surprises me how attractive I find him. I’ve only dated men who have been equally matched in size and personality. I’m a switch and I tend to be most attracted to men who have that preference as well. Kian gives off bottom energy.
I need to stop thinking about him like that. We’re friends. Just friends.
“What do you even call this?” I motion to the table.
“Charcuterie. You don’t like it?”
“No, it’s not that. I just don’t know where to begin.”
“Well, it depends. Are you a germophobe?”
“Not particularly.”
“Then start eating. We don’t even need plates.” He approaches the platters that are decorated with sprigs of rosemary, a whole ass honeycomb, and edible flowers. He snags a slice of French toast, dips it in a fruit syrup, and pops it in his mouth.
“Okay.” I hesitantly take a seat on a barstool and pick up my own French toast. I smear some roasted fig and drizzle it with honey before taking a bite. Goddamn. This guy may be insane, but he knows his finger foods. “This is beyond good.”
“Right? I wasn’t sure if it would be hearty enough. I debated adding bacon or whatever else you mammoths eat, but it would throw off the aesthetic, so I decided not to. I did buy some, though, if you want me to cook it up.” He stands up, but I rest a hand on his forearm to stop him. Sparks prickle at our connection and I jerk my hand away.
Kian stares at his forearm, like he felt the jolt too. I immediately release him and tuck back into the food, ignoring what happened. This chemistry we share has to be ignored. I’m no good for anyone right now, let alone someone like Kian. He’s good and pure and kind. He doesn’t deserve to have my mess dirty him up.
“It’s fine. This is plenty.”
“So, are you adjusting to Maine? It must be such a change from Alaska.”
“Yeah. It’s good, though. I spent the last year of my life having a massive pity party for one, so it was good to get out. There wasn’t anything left for me there.”
“Still, must’ve been hard to walk away from everything that reminded you of your partner.” His eyes turn downward as he absently plays with a blueberry that won’t stay on his toast.
“It was.” So hard, I bawled like a fucking baby. Not that I’ll admit that to anyone, least of all the happiest guy in the world.
“Can you tell me about him?” He looks up through his lashes.
“Mason?”
“Yeah. I’d like to know more about the man who won over Archer Warren.”
“He was a lot like you, actually. Not physically. Physically, he was more like me. But you have to be for the work we did.”
“Okay, okay. No need to rub it in that I’m built like a noodle.” He holds his skinny arms out.
“It’s not a dig. Besides, you have your own attributes that make you attractive.” Particularly, your bubble butt that I find myself checking out more than I should. I don’t say that, though; it’s not a friendly thing to say.
“Let’s circle back around to that after you tell me about Mason.” I like that he doesn’t press me for specifics. It shows me he’s interested in my life.
“It wasn’t until she made it to college that I felt I could have my own life. I wanted a big adventure, something to make up for all the time I’d lost becoming a parent to my sister. I saw a wanted ad looking for a fisherman in Alaska. I didn’t have experience, but when you apply for one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, they tend to let anyone in who’s crazy enough to do it.
“I spent three years moving around from boat to boat, not fitting in until I met Adler and Mason. They were looking for a third person to pitch in on a boat and to build a company with. I handed over my entire savings and things were good for a long time. Really good. I made all my money back and kept a hefty amount in the bank. And I fell in love.”
Kian smiles softly with his sideways grin, completely absorbed in my story. This is the part I like talking about, so I grin and pop an olive in my mouth before continuing.
“Mason was the nicest person you’d ever meet. One time he saw our neighbors broken down on the side of the road. I didn’t want to stop because these people were terrible to us. There isn’t much diversity in Alaska and they made it clear they weren’t okay with having us living next door to them. But Mason insisted. He said the only way he was going to change their opinion was by showing them we’re just regular guys.” I grin, lost in the memory. “That was Mason, though. He didn’t want to simply exist. He wanted to make a difference.”
“He sounds like an awesome guy.”
“He was also a little shit. Working out on the boat, we’d be out to sea for a long time on this tiny ass boat with our captain. We didn’t argue often, but when we did, there was nowhere to escape. Our last trip out, he wanted to cut the season short because the weather was predicted to be rougher than normal. But I knew that meant our haul would be worth more since most other boats headed back early and supply would be low. We argued and I told him he was being dumb. Then I yelled at him to go away, that I’d finish banding the crab alone just to get a minute to myself. He stormed off the deck. When I was done, I went inside to find holes cut out of the big toe of all my socks. I was pissed and asked him why he would do that. Know what he said?”
Kian’s leaned over, his chin propped in the palm of his hand, looking amused. “What?”
“He said he was so mad I wouldn’t listen to reason. He wanted to do something mean, but his idea of cruel and mine are different. He didn’t want me to get frostbite, but he also wanted to remind me of what an ass I was.” I’m laughing so hard my eyes water now. “If it were me, I would’ve slashed the socks, made them so his feet would be frozen solid every day, but not Mason. He was such a nice person, the meanest thing he could think to do to me is make my big toe cold. Enough to make me uncomfortable, but not enough to hurt me.”
“I love that. He sounds like my kind of person.” We laugh together for a minute until I remember what else happened that trip. The smile falls from my lips in a blink of my eye. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“If I had listened to him and cut the trip short, he’d still be here. A week after that, he got twisted in a rope and was pulled out to sea.” My lower lip quivers and I take a deep breath, fighting off the tears.
“Oh, honey.” His lanky arms are around me in an instant and I tuck my face into his neck. I don’t sob. I don’t even cry. I just let the feelings of overwhelming heartbreak wash over me while this almost stranger comforts me. “You didn’t know, Archer. There was no way to predict. And hearing about who Mason was, he wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”
“It was one stupid decision,” I say against his skin. “In my head, I know it wasn’t intentional and it was just a dumb coincidence. But in my heart, I’m just so bitter with myself.”