“Should I bring you the same? You’re looking rough, my friend.” Fernando squeezes his shoulder.
“Yes, please. And coffee. Lots of coffee.”
“I’ll get right on it,” Fernando says and returns to the kitchen. I’m almost certain he’s the owner and chef, so I don’t know why he’s the one who took our order, but I’d imagine it was to scope out the new guy. Like everyone else.
“Kian!” The kids squeal in delight and he winces at the sound. “Sit with us.”
He looks at me for approval and I nod, scooting over to make room since both kids occupy the other side of the booth.
I reach into my backpack and hand the kids their devices. I’m getting better at this whole kid thing, making sure to have a change of clothes and activities no matter where we go. The kids happily take them and quiet down with their battery powered entertainment.
Kian and I awkwardly eye each other. I don’t know if he remembers last night, but if he doesn’t, I’m not going to be the one to remind him.
“I’m glad I ran into you. I was going to call later anyway.” His eyes drop to the table where he picks up a saltshaker and spins it around on it. “About last night…”
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember. You were pretty—”
“Loaded. I know. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool.”
He flashes a half smile that I have no business thinking is cute, but it is. “Really? I thought you’d put me through the ringer.”
“No, not going to put you through the ringah,” I say exaggerating his New England accent that isn’t as pronounced as Oliver’s but is still there.
“Oh, you’re mocking me now?”
“Just a little.” I show an inch between my forefinger and thumb.
“So, what are you kids doing today? Where’s your mom?” he asks Emmy and Lou.
“Mom’s asleep.” Lou doesn’t even look up from his game to answer.
I see a brief look of concern on Kian’s face. I know he’s thinking, but he’s wrong.
“She was tired from her shift last night, so we let her sleep in,” I chime in.
“I see. What are you doing after breakfast?”
“No plans. I was thinking about taking them to the boardwalk to play some games.” This news to the little people is clearly exciting because their electronics hit the table and they chatter animatedly about what carnival games are their favorites.
“Would you mind some company?” Kian asks hopefully.
“Sure.” Despite our recent fights, I like spending time with the guy. He’s funny and charismatic. He’s the calm to my anxious mind. When he isn’t judging my family, that is.
Fernando appears with huge plates of food that we devour. Kian was right, this place is good. Even the picky kids eat most of their meals. Well, what they don’t spill down the front of themselves, anyway.
In no time, we’re outside and walking toward the Boardwalk. The sun is eating through the rich fog that blankets the area most mornings and the air smells damp and clean. It’s still a little early for the vendors to be open, so we walk down the pier where the kids peak over the edge and point out all the sea creatures they can spot.
“There’s a starfish, Archer.” Emmy tugs on my hand.
“Good eye, Ems.” I compliment. “Why don’t you and Lou race to see who can get to the end the fastest?”
They take off in a sprint.
“Wanting to get me alone?” Kian eyes me flirtatiously.
“I want to burn off some energy. Those kids, man. They’re exhausting.”
“It’s embedded in their DNA to be tiring. Does that mean you don’t want any of your own someday?”
“I don’t know. I thought I’d have a couple at one point in my life. Now, I’m not so sure.”
Mason used to gush relentlessly about finding a way for us to have kids. He didn’t care if they were adopted or from a surrogate, he just wanted them. Eventually, I just accepted it into my reality. It was a small concession since I wasn’t necessarily against them.
“What changed?” He stops and leans over the railing that runs along the pier. I stop next to him but keep my eyes on the kids.
I could lie, come up with some other reason. But I’m tired of hiding and Kian seems to do well with drama. I’m realizing I can’t run from my reality forever and if I want friends and people in my life I can turn to, this is something I need to get over. Even if it hurts.
“I lost my partner in an accident.”
Kian’s hand flies up to cover his mouth. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“It’s okay.” It’s my trained response, and I regret saying it immediately because none of what happened is okay. “Anyway, we planned to have kids someday. But now that he’s gone, I don’t know.”
“How long were you together?”
“Almost three years, but we worked and lived together. I think that makes you grow closer a lot quicker than just dating.” The sadness I usually get when I talk about Mason threatens to overtake me, but I stop it. We were happy. I shouldn’t let every memory be overrun with heartache.
“Yeah, that’s a whole lot of togetherness.”
I laugh. “It was. We actually owned a company together. We had a crab boat and would be out to sea sometimes for a week at a time, so it was even more closed quarters than normal. We didn’t fight often, though. Mason was perpetually optimistic. He didn’t razz easily.”
“You love him a lot. I can see that.” He doesn’t say “loved” like most people do. Like somehow the day his heart stopped beating was the day my love turned into the past tense.
“I do.”
Kian holds my gaze for a long moment until we’re both smacked on the leg by small people screaming, “Tag. You’re it!”
We chase the kids around for a while, laughing and goofing around. Then we take them over to play overpriced games that promise huge toys as prizes, but we end up walking away with tiny little stuffed animals. The kids don’t mind. They’re just happy they won something.
“So, we’re friends now, right?” Kian asks as we walk toward our respective homes, all of us with ice cream cones in hand. Lou and I with a scoop of bubble gum and Kian and Emmy with sherbet so there will be no diarrhea in our future.
“Yeah. I guess we are.” It feels juvenile to have a conversation like this, but I’m also glad he’s spelling things out.
“Good. Then come over tomorrow for brunch. I’ll cook.”
“I would, but I hate to leave Sara in the morning since she’s been so tired lately.”
“Okay, then I’ll come to you.” He takes a long lick of his sherbet, his eyes locked on mine. If he hadn’t just said we’re simply friends, I’d think it was intentional.
“Sure. Sounds good.” I break our gaze and turn to the kids. “What do you say, guys? Should Kian make us pancakes tomorrow?”
Kian
As I prep the bar for Sara, the morning replays in my mind. I didn’t expect Archer to open up enough to tell me about his partner dying. I knew he had a dark cloud looming over him, but I never thought the reason would be so tragic. It’s no wonder he’s all brooding and somber.