All I knew was that I would keep last night our secret, would hold it in my heart and hope for the best. I mean, really hope for the best that it was indeed some kind of magic turning point, but Sage was still so hurt over what happened to Nox and Maren a few years ago. We all were.
We’d drastically changed our charity run for children’s toys donations since the accident. It still haunted us all, but Rush and Sage had taken it especially hard. Rush had turned to alcohol and had gotten in such a bad way, Bailey hadn’t been able to take it anymore. She’d had to kick him out. The rest of the club had to step in and rotate babysitting him through getting him sober. It’d been ugly.
They were back together, working on things, taking them one day at a time. It had been hard to watch. Bailey loved Rush so fiercely, but we all have our breaking points. The good thing was, Rush understood that, and he’d been sober over a year and a half now.
I wondered if I would see them today. They didn’t always do the Christmas stuff with the club anymore. It depended on how close to the surface the emotions were riding. Rush had been right there, alongside Sage, when his twin had taken his own life.
I couldn’t imagine watching someone I loved die like that. I wasn’t there. None of the kids were, thankfully.
“You look thoughtful.” I startled slightly and stopped my sightless staring at the white-swept landscape passing by outside my window. I turned forward and smiled at Uncle Disney who had spoken. He’d thrown an arm around the back of the seat, twisting so he could look at me and Dante.
“Just a lot on my mind,” I said smiling.
“You’re too young for that,” Aaron said, smiling too, with affection.
“Yeah, insert yet another comment about her being some kind of an old soul,” Dante muttered, rolling his eyes.
I felt my smile leave and frowned but didn’t say anything. Dante was having a rough day, after all. I didn’t have to worry about it, because Disney stepped in.
“Just because you’re having a shitty day, doesn’t mean you should take it out on your sister, bro.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed,” Aaron added, “she’s been going pretty easy on you all things considered.”
Dante scowled, likely feeling like the whole world was against him, turning back to the window to glare outside it.
I shot a look of gratitude to my uncles and the rest of the ride was talk between my mom, dad, Disney and Aaron. None of the subjects I found particularly interesting, so I kept silent rather than chiming in.
I wished I could read, but that was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to get car sick.
It was a relief getting to the tree farm, the club taking up the vast majority of the parking lot. I took in a great, cleansing breath of the cold, winter air as soon as I got out of my dad’s truck and I sighed out, happy.
“Alright! Listen up!” Dray called out, and we all gathered around.
“Club trees first! Then you all can split off and find your own! We’ll draw lots among the kids sixteen and younger on who gets to pick the club trees, so kids – get over here.”
Dray held out match sticks. Whoever drew the burned one got to choose. We’d done it this way every year since us kids were old enough to choose. This year, it looked like it was down to Eldritch and Miracle.
“Nah, I’m good. Let Miracle pick,” he said grinning.
“Really?” Miracle literally jumped for joy when Eldritch nodded and she went over and grabbed his hand.
“Come with me! Come with me!” she cried. Laughing, he let her tow him in among the trees while all of us awe’d at them.
A gloved hand slipped into mine and I looked up into Sage’s liquid brown eyes.
“Hi,” I said softly.
“Hey,” he murmured. “Help me find an ugly tree for my club room this year?” he asked.
“What, like a Charlie Brown tree?” I asked, smiling ruefully.
“Yeah,” he said somberly and dipped his head in a nod.
“I’d love to, you know, as soon as the club trees are acquired and I help my family find ours. Come with me for those?” I asked, shaking his hand a little in mine. He gave me a nod, his expression so very serious and I felt my whole face light up.
This was big. Him not hiding me…
Really big.
11
Eden…
I felt Sage steel himself a little when he and I walked up to my mom and dad, and a little way away but still inside the family bubble – Dante. I was kind of surprised when he didn’t get a dark look or a what the fuck from my dad at our joined hands.
“What’s up?” my mom asked and I practically beamed.
“Smoke wants me to help him pick a Charlie Brown tree for his club room when we’re done picking ours.”
“Oh, yeah?” My dad nodded and said, “Good deal.”
“This one! This one!” Miracle’s little voice called out and Dray moved off with Everett and Stephen through the snow, Trigger and Reaver following them like shadows. Reaver, of course, holding onto the sharp things ready to get to cutting.
We all moved as one, the rest of us, ringing the tree as Reaver got down in the snow and started sawing through the base. She’d picked a good one, tall and strong, branches full with no bald spots.
“Nice.” My dad nodded, looking over the tree with approval.
“Very nice,” my mom agreed.
“I got it.” Disney and Noah stepped in to hold the tree up as it came off its base.
“Gonna make a nice walking stick next year, huh, Uncle Rush?” Chandler asked and Rush nodded. I was so happy to see him here, Bailey hugging his arm.
“Sure is, buddy.”
Archer put his hand on his son’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, his other hand in Melody’s.
“Those sticks of yours are lookin’ better and better each time,” he praised Chandler.
“Was thinking about taking ‘em to one of the Renaissance fairs in the summer,” Rush said. “Start selling ‘em.” I smiled at Chandler’s enthusiastic nod. He’d picked up Rush’s love of woodworking when he hit twelve or thirteen and had stuck with it, only adding a new twist.
He’d also gotten a love of crystals and geology and had been learning at Mali’s knee. A proud pagan, Chandler was definitely finding his own way and had been encouraged to break the mold every step of the way.
Miracle flitted off among the trees to find a good one for the media room. The media room’s tree was for the kids to decorate, the main club room was for the old ladies and now, some of us older teens while the men hung Christmas lights on the outside of the club, turning things into a winter wonderland in the compound.
We found a second club tree, were given the go-ahead to find our family trees and moved off through the snow for Mom to choose ours. She always got to pick at Dad’s insistence and she loved it so much. Of course, she always asked mine and Dante’s opinion.
“What do you think of this one?” she asked.
“I like it,” I said.
“It’s whatever,” Dante said moodily, which earned a scathing look from our dad, but it was my dad to actually kind of shoot it down.
“It’s beautiful, babe, but it’s also too tall. We need a seven-footer and this is like nine.”