We kissed one another breathless in the dim lamplight from the side of his bed and I loved that I not only could touch him, smell him, see him, and taste him for real… but that it was actually better than every time I had ever imagined him.
“I hate to be disappointment,” he said gruffly after breaking the kiss. I shook my head. God, never… “But the club is going to be here bright and early and we’ve got Christmas trees to go cut down and decorations to hang.”
Shit. He was right.
“Okay,” I whispered gently.
He reached behind him and clicked out the light, then settled holding me tightly. He kissed the top of my head and sighed out.
“Sleep, baby girl.”
“Okay,” I whispered again, still completely mollified and confused beyond measure about what just happened. I admit, I was giddy, too, but laying in the dark, close to Sage, his arms tightly around me, it was hard to keep my sleepiness at bay. I felt too well protected, too wonderful against him, in the circle of his arms.
“Don’t leave,” I murmured into the night.
“I won’t,” he promised. “At least not until after you’re asleep.”
I didn’t want him to leave even then… I mean, if I woke without him, what would I have to convince myself this was more than just a wonderful dream?
He chuckled slightly and pressed his lips to my forehead and I was mortified to realize I may or may not have just said that last part aloud.
“Get some rest, sleepy kitten,” he murmured, and I relaxed into him.
“I like that,” I whispered and I did. I liked that nickname a lot.
9
Sage…
Sparks – the first indication I knew anything was wrong were the sparks and then a bike slid out from the pack ahead of all of us sideways across the oncoming lanes of traffic. We all pulled to a stop, heeling down kickstands, shouting – running.
I pounded up the asphalt of the road and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of them. Nox held my sister, Maren, in his lap and was screaming, an inarticulate animal sound at the sky. He rocked her bloodied, broken body in his lap and I surged forward.
Arms held me back, guys piling on. I screamed and Nox looked at us all, the pain in his familiar gray eyes giving us no warning about his intentions. He pulled out his gun and ate it right in front of us.
He’d rather die than live without her, and just like that, I really was an orphan. The last of my people were gone.
I fell to my knees, Slice and Trigger trying to hold me up, and then I was the one sitting on the ground, a dead weight in my lap.
I looked down in my arms and it was Eden there, a copper curl brushing her cheek, a spot of blood, so crimson against her pale skin at the edge of her lips which were wrong, so blue, the discoloration spreading, the warmth and breath of life leaving her as my heart tore in two. I looked up at all the guys… Trig, Dray, Reave, Rev… as they all stared at me expectantly.
I sat up, gasping, Eden’s hands falling lightly to the sides of my face, dragging me around to look at her.
“It’s okay,” she whispered soothingly, her voice finally registering. Her chest heaved, breathless, in counterpoint to mine and she pulled me into her arms. I held onto her arms tightly, just above her elbows, torn between pulling her closer and thrusting her away as my mind reeled over the nightmare and the truth…
My sister was gone.
Nox was gone.
And I was faced with loving someone so much I would do the exact same thing were I in Nox’s place and I can’t tell you how much that fuckin’ terrified me.
“It’s okay,” Eden soothed, shrugging out of my useless grip and putting her arms around me. She drew me against her and I broke. I wept while she ran her fingers through my short hair, rubbed my back, and told me that it was okay over and over again. Her light voice a balm to my battered soul.
Being alone was the responsible thing to do, but I was already recklessly in love with her – with her resilience and with how no matter how hard I pushed her away, she just wouldn’t give up on me.
Like Maren. Like Nox. Like the rest of the MC.
Shit.
“Come here,” she whispered, and her touch was so gentle, soothing. “Come here,” she whispered again, and she scooted down further, laying back down and drawing me to her breast. I lay my ear over her heart and she wrapped her arms around me, cradling me, holding me to her and not sheltering me, not protecting me or whatever. More like she gave me permission. Allowed me to feel whatever it was I was feeling. Letting me go through it, and I had to say it was some kind of cathartic.
I closed my eyes and breathed her in – sweet with a hint of grapefruit. She reminded me of the echo of summertime in the wasteland of winter. An oasis of warmth in a vast tundra of cruelty and broken ice.
She expertly navigated the field of broken emotions inside of me and managed the impossible. Soothed me to the point that I started to fall right back to sleep – something that never happened after I dreamed so vividly of my sister’s death.
“I’m right here, I’ve got you,” she murmured, and it was a promise that I still didn’t know if I should hold her to it.
I didn’t want to destroy her as much as I feared she would destroy me. I didn’t know if I was up for that level of devastation.
10
Eden…
I woke up alone, my overnight bag leaning against the dresser, somehow retrieved from my dad’s club room where Dante had stashed it for me the night before. I snickered. Poor Dante was in for it this morning! I sobered almost immediately and realized, what if it was both of their first times?
Geez, I couldn’t imagine how that would feel. Getting caught like that the first time you ever had sex? I suddenly really felt bad for Dante and even worse for my best friend. It galvanized me into action and rather than do what I wanted to do, which was hug Sage’s pillow to me and breathe him in, I, instead, threw back the blankets to his bed and stood up, grateful for the area rug beneath my feet, protecting it from the polished concrete floor.
It was going to be loud and boisterous out there in the common room and I wasn’t exactly ready for it. I liked a little solitude first thing in the morning before my coffee.
I switched into clean panties and pulled on a pair of thermal underwear over that. Next came my jeans and thick woolen socks that I pulled up high over my knees. Bra, clean white tee tucked in and over that, and finally a thick, cowl-necked gray wool sweater. I shoved my feet into my red, knee-high Doc Marten boots, zipping them up the side, lacing them tight in the front and folding my socks down artfully over the top.
I was as warm as I was going to get and ready to do whatever I needed to do to decorate for Christmas. Not only were we going out to get the two club trees, every one of the club families that wanted trees for their homes would get theirs today too.
Christmas was a lot of the ol’ ladies favorite time of year; my mom’s included. We always got a really nice tree for home. I was effervescent with glee about it as I stopped and used the bathroom, the kids’ boisterous shrieking and the thrum of adult conversation from the common room greeting me as I reached what I called the hub – the intersection of halls and doors that led throughout the club.