“I want to keep seeing you, Aiden Adler. The rest will work itself out. You have to trust me.”
“Are you just disregarding Adam’s feelings? You know how protective he is over you and Cody.”
“Why are you so terrified of his reaction? He loves you more than he loves me. If anything happens, I can only imagine I’d be the one who was on the outs and not you.”
I shook my head, lowering my gaze again. “I don’t think that’s true. I think he will be angry. I'm putting him in a position to choose if things go south.” I couldn’t quite explain what made me nervous about all of it, but I knew in my chest that he wouldn’t like me messing with his little group.
“I think he’ll be better than you think, but it doesn’t matter. I’m willing to take the risk.” His words were soft, almost hard to hear, but they resonated around me. He was willing to lose a long lasting friendship for me.
“Why though? Why would you risk pissing off Adam for me?” I didn’t understand.
“Before I moved here, I learned how fleeting good things are. It changed my whole perspective on life from a young age.”
“Where did you live before you got placed with your mom?” I’d never asked him about it. I was sure Adam knew the story, but they’d never shared the details of his life before here with me.
“I got bounced around between a lot of foster homes. A lot of not-so-great places. I ran away twice. I was near suicide when I got picked up off the streets and put back into the system the last time. I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for my mom.”
“That bad?” I asked, not sure how to word any of it.
“Bad, Aiden. I’ll let you ask me about it sometime. Right now I’d like to finish our conversation.”
“Okay.”
“So I love your brother and owe him a lot. He took me under his wing my first day here. Taught me soccer, tutored me, and took me home with him every time my mom was working late.”
I chuckled and he raised a questioning brow. “My brother tutoring you?” I asked.
“He was better in school than I was.”
“I would have helped you both.”
Jensen laughed. “I don’t think either one of us would have had the humility to take help from someone four years younger than we were.”
I lifted a shoulder and took another sip of my cocoa. “So why risk it all? If he did so much for you…”
“Because you’re worth it. Life is fleeting and I don’t want to deny my happiness because someone else will have an issue with it.” He set his cup aside. “But for the record, I don’t think he will.”
“I don’t know.”
“I know you don’t.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.
“I haven’t been out of a relationship that long. I don’t know if it’s even a good idea to date.” Or if I could trust anyone again. It wasn’t fair to him, but it was the truth. I didn’t know how to convey that without insulting him either.
“It was fine to fuck me just out of your relationship?” There was an edge to his voice.
“It’s easier to get my head around. There were no expectations.” My words barely more than a croak.
“I don’t want to stay in that space. I want more than that, Aiden.”
I wanted it, too. I turned the cup in my hands. I was scared. Scared to open myself up, scared my brother would never speak to me again. Scared to trust Jensen.
Neither of us said anything.
I agreed with him but it was hard to get the words out. Hard to admit I wanted more too.
“Okay,” I finally said.
“Okay?” he asked.
“I’m willing to try it. But I don’t want to tell Adam yet. I want to see how things go first.”
“You live with him. Are you going to be able to hide a relationship with me?” He sounded skeptical.
“He’s gone enough. We’ll see how it goes.” I was going to pretend I didn’t have resting guilt face.
“If that’s what you think is best.”
“Have I talked enough?” I felt like I had and I wanted to be curled at his feet.
“Come here.” He patted his thigh.
I pushed to a stand and took my place between his thighs, head laying in his lap. He stroked his fingers through my hair. Words stopped and we sat in comfortable silence while he massaged my scalp. The comfort from his touch doing more than he knew.
Soft was as important as harsh. I’d never met a man who knew me as well as Jensen seemed to know me. It was one of the reasons it was so hard to walk away from this, from him, even if I knew the consequences.
“You did well,” he said. “I’m proud of you.”
“How proud?” I rubbed my face against his thigh, the cotton of his jeans snagging the stubble on my face, making me realize I hadn’t shaved today.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
“Yes.”
“I want to destroy you tonight.” Jensen’s words were husky and laced with need.
My insides tightened. I loved that I caused those reactions in him.
“I don’t think you’ve ever been so romantic.” I looked up to find him already staring, hunger written in his eyes, glinting in the moonlight. The snow reflected the shine, making it nearly as light as daytime.
“You deserve a reward. I think.”
I turned, my chin resting on the cool leather so I could look at him. “Now?”
“Stand up and strip.”
I hopped to my feet, already tugging my shirt off. He laughed, sitting back and I shivered under the intensity of his stare. I felt so sexy under his half-lidded gaze.
I paused after I tossed my shirt aside. Jensen had opened his fly and pushed down his jeans, exposing his cock already dripping precum. I licked my lips and whimpered.
“How long have you been hard?” I asked.
“As long as you’ve had your head in my lap.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Really?”
“Do you have any doubt about what you do to me? I’m hard every time I touch you.”
“Even after all these months?” I asked.
“More so after all these months. I know what’s coming. I can’t help myself.”
I hooked my thumbs into my sweats but he grabbed my wrist, stopping me before I could get them down. My brows pulled, questioning.
“I want to undress you. It’s one of my favorite parts of our time.”
I dropped my hands, lips stretching so wide they hurt. He tugged them down boxers and all, bringing them below my knees, then he took each of my feet, in turn, slipping the material off. I stood in front of him bare and exposed. I flushed, tucking my chin to peer at my feet.
“Why are you hiding?” he asked, grabbing my hip and pulling me forward
“This is the first time you’ve seen me fully naked.”
He searched my face, lips parting. “I’ve seen you like this plenty.”
I shook my head. “Not without my mask.”
“I had you in the shower this morning…”
“Still this is different.”
The realization spread over his face. “This is playing and your face was the most important part.”