“What the hell?” I bark as I swing the living room door open to the sound of Cooper’s cries getting louder.
His face is beetroot red, his little fists clenched in anger as he tries the only way he can to get attention.
Running over, I scoop him up from his bassinet and cradle him to my chest. His cries lessen but they don’t stop. I discover why when the smell hits me.
Mom and Dad are passed out on the couch. Neither seems to be aware that he was crying or that I’ve even entered.
Reaching down for one of the cushions that are falling from the couch, I launch it at the two of them.
Mom mumbles something, but she doesn’t wake.
“You two are a fucking joke,” I spit. “They shouldn’t have allowed you to be parents.”
I take Cooper to the kitchen to make him a bottle before carrying him up to his room so I can change him.
With him cradled in my arm, I give him his bottle that his chubby little hands eagerly reach for while I check on the other two.
Austin and Sofia are in Austin’s bedroom playing some shooting game that is way too old for them. I want to tell them that it’s not appropriate, they’re only eight and six, but what else would they do? Life in this house is hell, they’re just trying to make the best out of a bad situation.
They glance up at me when I enter, but they’re not surprised to find their older sister and not their parents checking up on them.
“Have you two eaten?”
“I made toast,” Austin says, ripping his eyes away from the screen once again.
“Are you sure playing that with Sofia is a good idea?”
He looks back at the screen with a sigh.
“We’re not babies,” Sofia snaps before going back to killing someone who jumps out on the screen.
“Can you play car racing or something?”
“We’ll change it up in a bit,” Austin agrees, looking at his little sister who’s busy maiming some guy. “Did you have a good night?”
“It was great,” I lie. They’re not stupid, they know that our lives, our parents, aren’t normal but they don’t need me making it any worse. I want to show them that better exists. That they don’t need to settle for the bullshit hand we’ve been given.
“I’m going to finish feeding Cooper, then shower. If you need anything, just shout.”
They both nod, once again lost in the violent game playing in front of them.
“Where are they?” Austin asks, making the ball that’s already formed in my stomach grow larger. I wish there was something more I could do for them.
“In the living room.” Just stay up here, are the silent words spoken between us.
“Okay.”
“I’ll make you some lunch in a little bit. Please, change the game.”
They agree and I leave them to it. Maybe I should be more insistent but the last thing any of us need is for the three of us to fall out.
I sit myself and Cooper in the chair that faces out over the balcony in my room that overlooks our unkempt yard and then the rich part of town beyond.
Jake’s old trailer is tucked at the bottom of the yard. I’ve spent hours sitting here wishing that I could move into the old, damp thing now that he’s gone.
I used to feel sorry for him, stuck down there on his own. But as the years have gone on, I’ve found myself craving that musty trailer more than I should. If it weren’t for my brothers and sister, then I think I’d have moved in already, but I can’t do that to them. Who the hell knows when Mom and Dad would have got their shit together and fed them if I didn’t show up when I did.
He guzzles down the bottle in record time before almost instantly drifting off to sleep.
I rest my head back, wishing that I could now curl up in bed and catch up on the sleep I missed out on last night like any other normal teenager. But I can’t. I have people relying on me.
Once he’s fast asleep, I carefully place him in the travel crib I have in my room and begin stripping out of my clothes.
Probably the only good thing about this house and my fucked-up parents is that I snagged the master bedroom, seeing as I’m basically the parent under this roof.
I used to feel bad for them. Dad hurt his back years ago and has, apparently, been unable to work since. I’m not entirely sure that is true seeing as he and Mom seem to be able to make more babies than they can look after and he’s able to get about and play with his beloved beat-up cars all day long. As far as I can see, he’s just a lazy fuck who doesn’t want to get a job.
Mom works, sometimes. But it’s about as sporadic as her moods. In the past, I’ve begged her to go to a doctor and get checked out. I swear she’s got something that could be stabilized with the right medication, but she point-blank refuses, telling me that she’s fine and that it’s nothing a little weed won’t fix. I beg to differ.
Overall, I fucking hate my life. And after being forced to spend every day here over the holidays, I’m more than ready to get back to school where I can at least get a little reprieve from my responsibilities. Although, life at Rosewood High isn’t any more pleasant at times.
Not being at school means I don’t have to face the devil who roams the halls and tries to make my life a living hell.
I always thought he’d get bored when I didn’t react to his abuse when it started, but he never did.
It just gets worse.
And after all these years, I have a feeling that it’s not going to stop until I break.
Or he kills me.
Right now, I honestly have no idea what’s going to come first.
“You ready for this?” Ruby asks two days later from the driver’s seat while Harley spins around so she can study me as I drop into the back of Ruby’s car.
“One step closer to senior year, right?” I mutter sadly. They both know that I hate school or more so life in general, but neither know the whole truth, the dark secrets that I keep hidden.
They know my home life is shit and that my parents mostly check out on their duties, and they know that he—Preston Hellburn—likes to try to make my life as hard as possible but they have no idea just how much effort he puts in when they’re all busy enjoying themselves.
“You look tired, P.”
“Cooper cried almost all night.”
“Jeez, your parents really need to figure out how to look after a kid.”
I agree. It’s not like I can argue with that point. Only while I’m sure they’re thinking that it was his crying from their bedroom that kept me awake, the reality was that I was the one up soothing him, trying to calm him down so that Austin and Sofia also didn’t have a ruined night sleep.
Thankfully, Harley and Ruby get lost in cheer talk and the upcoming season and championships.
I smile as they chatter excitedly, and pride swells within me for what they’ve both achieved. I might have no interest in any extracurricular activities, especially those that involve sports, but even I know how hard they’ve worked to be chosen for the varsity squad already.
As we approach Rosewood High a shiver runs down my spine.
I’ve got a year and a half, then I can get out of here. I can hopefully manage to secure a place at college and disappear to the other side of the country. Guilt nags at me that while I do that, my siblings will be left behind to fend for themselves. I hate it, but this is my life, I shouldn’t be stuck here because of my parents’ irresponsible decisions.