His lips stay on mine, unmoving for what feels like forever but in reality, it’s probably not more than a second before his tongue teases at the seam of my lips.
I have no idea what I’m doing, but it doesn’t seem to matter because my body seems to know what’s expected of me and my lips part, allowing him entry.
If I didn’t already know he’d had experience, then I did in that moment as he took control of the kiss. His tongue sweeping against mine.
My arms stay rigid at my sides as his fingers twitch at my waist, obviously wanting to move, but he never moves.
He kisses me like I’ve seen on TV, but it feels nothing like I imagined. I’m not nervous. Not self-conscious. I just let myself go and allow him to sweep me away.
All too soon, he places a chaste kiss on my lips and backs away from me. I miss him almost instantly, to the point I actually reach out for him, but despite my eyes having adjusted to the darkness, I don’t manage to make contact with him.
“Poppy?” he asks again, his voice husky and rough, it does things to my insides I can’t explain.
“Yeah?” I ask eagerly, desperate to hear it again.
“Don’t repeat a word I said to you.”
Lead fills my veins at his warning. I should have known he was lying.
I’m too devastated to respond, desperately trying to fight the tears that are already burning the backs of my eyes.
I thought he really meant it. That he’s been thinking about kissing me like I have him.
Stupid, stupid girl.
He pushes the door open, the sudden light makes me close my eyes as a chorus of cheers erupts from the other side.
My heart sinks into my feet as I wonder how the hell I’m supposed to walk out of here with my head held high.
You’re not, a little voice in my head says. You just totally screwed up.
The ruckus only gets louder as a victorious Zayn steps from the closet after his few seconds in heaven.
“So…” someone prompts. “Did she give you the gift you’ve been dreaming of?”
Before he answers, he looks back at me. I might be back in the shadows but he sees me and our eyes connect for the briefest moment.
“Nah, she’s a frigid bitch.” He walks away as his friends erupt in laughter and a couple of the girls descend on him, probably offering to do everything I apparently couldn’t. All the while, I pray for the ground to swallow me up while continuing to hide in the shadows.
How long can I stay in here? Will anyone even notice?
1
Poppy
I rush out of the Hunter’s kitchen with a drink in hand, ready to find Harley and Ruby to celebrate the New Year together.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach, despite all the crap in my life, this is an exciting moment. One year closer to finishing school. One year closer to taking control of my life. One year closer to leaving this place and everything I despise about it behind. This year we’re going to become seniors, we get to start seriously thinking about our futures and what we want from life. I might not have it all figured out yet, but I know one thing. My future isn’t here. There are too many memories and demons lurking in the shadows for me to ever want to stay.
But while I’m stuck here, I figure I’d better make the most of it.
I see a flash of Harley’s bright red hair and I can’t help but smile. At least I have a couple of good things in my life, my two best friends are definitely that. I have no idea how I’d survive this place without them.
The sound of the party around me begins to lessen as kids head outside, ready to watch the fireworks that are about to illuminate the sky.
I shouldn’t have come tonight but despite my parents’ obvious irritation that I was going to spend the night enjoying myself and they weren’t, I packed a bag and walked straight out the front door. Most days I allow them to blackmail me into doing as they wish, tonight wasn’t one of those nights.
I knew it was safe being here. It’s mostly the seniors who are partying at the Hunter’s, the majority of our junior class are elsewhere, thank God. It means that for once, I’m able to let my hair down and attempt to enjoy being a seventeen-year-old girl if just for a couple of hours, forget about the weight that presses down on my shoulders every other day of the year.
I’m almost at the door when a warm hand wraps around my wrist. The grip is hard, meaningful, and my heart jumps into my throat. A shiver of fear runs down my spine.
He’s not here, I remind myself. You’re safe right now. He is not here. It doesn’t matter how many times I repeat those words in the millisecond I have before whoever has touched me makes themselves known, the fear threatens to swallow me whole regardless.
I kick myself for letting my guard down tonight, for allowing myself to think that I could have just one normal night. For once, just enjoy a party like everyone around me does without constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the devil to strike.
“You’re looking hot tonight, Pops.”
His deep, rough voice flows over me, and instantly my shiver returns, only this time it’s not with fear.
Steeling myself, I lift my chin, ready to fight.
“Get your hands off me, Zayn.”
I try to pull myself from his grip but he’s holding too tightly. Before I’ve even had a chance to plan my next move, he’s taken control and pulled me back until the cool of the wall bites into my skin.
He stares into my eyes and as always, I hate that he can see so deep.
“Why aren’t you enjoying yourself like everyone else?”
“I… um… I am. See?” I lift my drink and tip it toward my mouth, only it doesn’t meet my lips. Instead, it’s taken from my fingers and pressed against his full lips in a heartbeat.
“That’s soda,” he states, his brows drawn.
“So?”
“Don’t you want to let go, have a little fun? You’re always so uptight.”
I flinch at his words. I spend most of my life trying to cover up how I really feel, what’s really going on with me. I really don’t need him digging and finding the ugly things that I try to keep away from everyone else.
“Don’t you want to have fun?”
“Who says I’m not?”
“Aside from the soda, your face.”
My lips part to respond but I fear I have no argument.
“The others don’t see it, do they?” His fingers lift and he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, his touch burning all the way down to my toes.
“Don’t see what, Zayn?” I snap. I shouldn’t ask. I’m terrified to hear the answer, to know what he really thinks of me but that’s the thing about my best friend’s older brother. He affects me in a way that no one else ever has. It annoys the crap out of me.
“I don’t know,” he muses, staring deep into my eyes. “But I want to find out.”
“Fuck you, Zayn,” I spit.
“Now there’s an idea. You think that’ll help loosen you up a little?” His eyebrows wiggle in excitement as I will all of my muscles below my waist not to clench at the thought.
I told myself years ago that I wasn’t ever allowed to lose myself in Zayn’s smooth lines. He shattered my young heart all those years ago in that closet. I may never have forgiven him for that, but hell if I don’t still dream about it. I tell myself that should the situation arise ever again that I’d tell him to go to hell, but I’m pretty sure I’m only lying to myself because even now, I can feel that kiss.