‘Oh, thanks. I would’ve been locked out.’
‘Yeah, I figured,’ he said. He still had his foot in the door.
Maddie shuffled past him back into her flat. ‘Thanks,’ she said with an embarrassed smile.
He shrugged again and wandered away. With a backward glance, he said, ‘I’m Luke. Flat number 3,’ and nodded at the stairs.
‘Maddie,’ she said in reply. ‘Flat number 2 obviously.’
He smiled and disappeared.
That brief interaction seemed to sap the strength out of her and since she had nothing to do and nowhere to go, she took herself back to bed.
*
On Tuesday, an engineer arrived to install her broadband and phone line. He avoided eye contact when she answered the door, still in her pyjamas and dressing gown at 12.15 p.m. Another signature and he was on his way.
She sat on her stiff, new couch and logged into the Wi-Fi with her laptop, immediately looking up Greg’s Facebook page. The smiling, happy faces and jaunty status updates made her feel bilious, so she returned to bed, pulling the covers over her head.
She had no reason to even get up on Wednesday. No deliveries. No calls. So she didn’t. She ate a stale doughnut and immediately regretted it. She opened her laptop while propped up in bed, logged into her Netflix account and scrolled through her list, but it was mostly Greg’s choices and some others she didn’t remember adding. Then she realised this was now Greg and Gemma’s account. She deleted all the programmes that were clearly Gemma’s choices in a sudden fit of childish rebellion and burrowed back under the covers.
By Thursday she couldn’t avoid how hungry she was, but the milk in the fridge had turned and the vegetables were limp. She considered getting dressed and going to buy more, but ordered Uber Eats instead and ate Thai food in bed, marvelling at how you didn’t need to ever leave the house these days and trying not to drop noodles on her new duvet cover. Greg would be horrified and Gemma probably hadn’t eaten a noodle since 2003, which made the food taste even better.
She received a text from Greg that evening asking if she still had access to their old Netflix account and knew she’d been busted for deleting Gemma’s romantic comedies.
On Friday afternoon she managed to get herself out of bed and onto the couch, although still with her duvet on top of her. She created a new Netflix account for herself and was midway through a binge session of Gilmore Girls, wishing she had a Luke Danes in her life to bring her food and coffee, when there was an insistent knock on her door. She wasn’t expecting any more deliveries and certainly not any visitors. She felt a sudden burst of joy at the thought that Greg had come to visit, then horror at what he would think when he saw her. She hauled herself over to the door and said, ‘Hello?’, patting at her greasy hair before putting her eye to the peephole.
‘Maddie Lowe? I have a delivery for you.’
Her heart fell as she unchained the door. Pulling her gown tight around her neck, she opened the front door to see a delivery man obscured by a large bunch of flowers.
‘Here you go,’ he said, handing over the arrangement. He looked her up and down briefly, then said, ‘Hope you feel better soon,’ before heading back out of the door to the street.
Maddie realised she must look like an invalid. Shame washed over her. What if it had been Greg? Was this what she wanted him to see? He’d seen her in worse states though. She went to close the door just as a pair of blindingly white trainers and skin-tight white jeans descended the stairs.
It was Jade, shrugging into a denim jacket and chewing on a Twix, her hair once more pulled into an eye-watering ponytail. She looked up and said, ‘Nice flowers. They look expensive. Secret admirer?’ She looked brighter today, less haggard than the last time Maddie had seen her.
‘No, er—’
‘Oh, are you ill? That’s a shame. Hope you feel better soon.’
‘I’m not. I’m…’ What was she? Depressed? Lonely? Struggling to cope? She couldn’t explain any of it to this stranger. How the last few years had nearly finished her off more than once. How she had had everything she cared about and yearned for ripped away and now felt like an empty husk, fragile and crumbling. Petrified of being alone, but not wanting to be with people, not knowing what to do with herself or where to start with putting her life back together. How some days she couldn’t be bothered to get dressed, talk or even breathe.
Instead, she said, ‘I’m better now, really. Just taking an extra day, you know. A duvet day. How is Ben? Where is he?’
Jade fussed with the collar of her jacket. ‘With his dad.’ Her voice was terse.
‘Sorry, none of my business.’
Jade turned to go, then looked Maddie over again. ‘You sure you’re ok?’
‘Yes, thanks. I’d better get these in water.’
‘I didn’t thank you,’ Jade said quickly as Maddie turned away. ‘For the other day with Ben, I mean.’
‘Oh, it’s nothing. I just didn’t like seeing him upset.’
‘He’s a sensitive kid. It doesn’t take much to upset him.’ She was peering at Maddie with intensity. ‘Listen, do you fancy coming up and having a drink later tonight? We are neighbours after all. If you’re up to it, that is?’
‘Um, well, I’m not much of a drinker…’ Her mind latched on the opportunity to see Ben again, maybe play with him, make him laugh, and she suddenly didn’t want to be alone again tonight. ‘Sure, why not? What time?’
‘Say 7 p.m.?’
‘Ok, great.’
‘I’m in number 4. Directly above you. Great, see ya later.’
Maddie smiled and headed back indoors. She could feel Jade’s eyes on her back, watching her go, but when she looked over her shoulder, Jade was heading out of the building.
Maddie put the flowers down on the kitchen counter and pulled the card from the leaves.
Happy housewarming! Much love, Greg x
Sunflowers.
Her favourite, as he knew only too well.
*
By six o’clock that evening Maddie was showered, teeth finally brushed and hair washed. She had eaten a large chicken salad and was feeling more human and wholesome than she had in days. A trip to the shops earlier that afternoon meant that she had a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates ready to take upstairs. She had also picked out a new Matchbox car for Ben and was far more excited to see him than she was at sharing the evening with Jade. Maddie hadn’t quite made up her mind about Jade yet, with her tight hair and cursing mouth. Her comment about Ben being with his dad implied that she was likely divorced, so the evening would probably involve discussing exes and having a moan about the state of their love lives.
Moaning about Greg was not something Maddie liked doing. He had been good to her since they split up and she wanted to think he was a good person who hadn’t intended to hurt her like he did. What they had been through over the last few years… well, it didn’t bear thinking about now, but it wasn’t entirely Greg’s fault. He had suffered too. And he had had Maddie to look after on top of everything else. She guessed he had found comfort somewhere else. It happened, especially for men. They liked to be looked after, didn’t they? And they liked to fix a problem, but she had turned out to be one he couldn’t fix.