“It’s not appropriate,” I mutter weakly. “Pa does the teachings around here.”
Though he never teaches us about the things we want to learn. Like fucking.
“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” Karen tells him. “I promise.”
My heart does a flop in my chest, though it shouldn’t. She’s my sister, not my wife. What we’ve done is wrong. Sinful. I hate how I want to do it again.
She bends over to kiss my cheek, close to my mouth. My penis is fully hard again and I want to cry out in frustration. I’m eager to grab her and pull her back to me, but she’s already retreating for the door. The wet spot on her gown is sobering.
I’ve tainted her with my sin.
Her devious smile over her shoulder makes me forget why that’s a bad thing.
* * *
Karen
“Carefully push the needle into that hole,” Linda says softly, her voice barely a whisper, her blond hair curtaining her features. “That completes the stitch.”
I hate this.
Everything that’s been on the agenda today has been a bore.
There’s more to being a wife than mending things or cooking or cleaning. I need to know every detail.
“Is it a wife’s duty to help the husband when he’s hard?” I ask, my cheeks burning bright at my question.
Linda stiffens and snaps her head up. Her blue eyes are wide with horror. “What?”
“Do you put your hand on his penis and—”
She slaps me. So hard I cry out and rub at the stinging flesh. Linda has never hit me. She’s barely spoken to me. Tears threaten and I drop my gaze to the needle.
“I’m sorry,” I breathe. “Please don’t tell Pa. I was simply curious.”
“You can’t ever let him hear you speak so crudely,” she chides, her hand covering mine in a gentle pat. “He’ll put you in the white room.”
We’ve all been in the white room, though Kristopher spends the most time there. Linda’s punishments are usually more brutal. I’ve seen Pa take his belt to her bottom. He’d dragged her dress up her hips and striped her pale skin with his leather. I remember the crimson welts as though they were my own.
“I’m a grown woman. I’ll most likely be married soon. I only wanted to be prepared.”
Her lips press together and she scrutinizes me. “He would find out if I told you.”
“He doesn’t have to know.”
Her eyes widen. “I shouldn’t.”
“Please,” I whisper. “Anything. I want to be ready.”
“Why are you so eager to be a wife?”
“Because I want to be loved.”
“You are loved,” she reminds me. “Everyone here loves you.”
Especially Kristopher. No one could ever love me like he does. I can’t help but think about what Luke said last night. How fucking feels really good with the woman you love. A chill ripples down my spine.
“I want to have a baby,” I tell her. “And I don’t know how that works.”
Linda reaches up and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I really shouldn’t.”
“Please.”
She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. Then, she darts her eyes toward the doorway of my room. Pa’s voice drones from the living room where he speaks to the boys. It’s safe to speak freely.
“When a husband wants to make love, his wife must always be ready,” Linda whispers. “Even if she doesn’t feel up to it or is tired or sad.” She shudders. “He’ll expect you to be naked. Giving.”
“How? What do I give him?”
“Yourself,” she breathes. “You…you lie back on the bed and spread your legs. He’ll push his penis inside you. It takes a few thrusts and it can sometimes be painful. Then, he’ll fill you with semen so you can make a baby.”
It doesn’t sound all that wonderful, but it doesn’t sound difficult. I like Luke’s explanation better.
“How come you and Pa haven’t made a baby yet?” I ask, frowning. They’ve been married for nearly ten years now. She was three years younger than I am now when they were married.
“Sometimes it’s not that easy,” she tells me in a grumpy tone. “Sometimes God doesn’t have it in his plan.”
Babies should always be in God’s plan.
“The semen comes from his penis,” I utter. “What does it look like?”
“Milky white. Sort of clear. There’s sperm in it. The sperm is what fertilizes your eggs.”
I giggle. “Like a chicken?”
She cracks a smile. “Something like that, sweetie. You know when you bleed each month? That’s an unfertilized egg.”
I’ve wasted so many babies.
Tears prickle at my eyes.
“I need a husband right now,” I tell her.
“There are no suitable husbands for you,” she says in a tight voice. “Not everyone sees things the way your pa does. Not many families want to marry their children off when they’re still young.”
“You were sixteen,” I argue.
“And it wasn’t right,” she snaps, fury blazing in her eyes.
“I could marry Kristopher.”
She slaps me again. “Don’t speak of such things.”
“But Pa is your—”
“Karen!” Linda yells, rising to her feet as her face turns bright red. “You know we are never to speak about those things. Charles has forbidden it.”
Footsteps stomp down the hallway. Linda flinches and I drop the needlework onto the bed. Pa’s massive frame fills the doorway and a furious expression is on his face.
“What’s going on in here?” he demands.
“We were talking about Tabitha Spencer’s new baby,” Linda lies. She lies!
Pa’s brows furrow as his gaze darts between us. “I don’t tolerate gossiping in this house,” he growls. “But I especially don’t tolerate lying.”
How does he know she lied?
His gaze snaps to me. “I can always tell,” he says, reading my mind. “I know everything that goes on inside those heads of yours.” He unbuckles his belt. “Which is why I need to whip you both.”
Linda shakes her head. “It was me, Charles. I swear. She was listening to me rant about that vile woman. I swear to you.”
His belt slides from the hoops with a loud swoosh. “Keep spilling your lies, woman. For every lash you get, Karen will get two.”
I hug my middle. “W-What? Why?”
“So you two learn your lesson.” He prowls over to Linda. “Bend over Karen’s bed and lift your dress. You move, you earn more. You know the rules.”
She sobs as she obeys. I stand there frozen, staring at her pale legs as she reveals them. They’re covered in fingerprint sized bruises. He strikes her with the leather hard over her underwear. Linda howls and clenches her bottom cheeks. Another strike, harder than the first sends her scrambling away. He grabs her thigh and drags her back. Three more strikes and then he shoves away from her. She sobs loudly, making the whole bed tremble.
I don’t want the belt.