Still, I can’t control the urge to touch my penis. Is it really so bad? My breathing comes out choppy as I rub at myself in an attempt to get it to settle down. In reality, it only makes the thing misbehave more.
It’s soft when I relieve myself. When it’s resting in the palm of my hand. Perhaps…I quickly unbuckle my pants and pull it from my underwear. The skin is hot. A bead of liquid dots the slit at the crown. Curious, I brush my thumb over the wetness.
Terrible idea, Kristopher.
A whimper tumbles past my lips. My hand circles around my thickness and I tug. Just to see if that helps.
It doesn’t.
It doesn’t.
It doesn’t.
I let out a strangled, confused cry. Why does it feel so good? Why now after all these years is my body betraying me? Perhaps I’ll try and convince Pa it’s because I’m ready to be a husband.
My thoughts drift to Maude in a white dress at the front of the church. Then, her belly swelling with a child. And her naked.
Forgive me.
What would I do with her naked body? Pa hasn’t explained these things. All I know is a man and a woman need each other to procreate.
The moans.
Fluttery and light.
Needy.
The ones that come from Pa’s room late at night. Once, I saw when I went upstairs to make sure everyone was okay. No one was hurt. Pa was naked and thrusting against his wife.
Slapping.
Slapping.
Slapping.
Their bodies were slick sounding and he was worked up as he had intercourse with her. I didn’t stick around or stare too hard because I would have been skinned alive had Pa found out, so I don’t know the specifics. But with Maude, we’d figure it out. I’d get naked, pin her with my body, and rub my aching hardness against her. Slide it inside her. Where or how, I’m not sure. I have a vivid imagination.
Maude’s imagined moans echo inside the white room and I can almost feel her slick body pressed to mine. I can nearly taste the saltiness of her neck. Is it okay to taste your wife? I’d want to put my lips on her skin and suck.
My breathing grows shallow as my sac tightens. I squeeze my eyes shut, focusing on Maude as I chase the sensation for more. With a groan, I feel…relieved. Satisfied. Like a real man. Heat shoots up my shirt, but it’s okay because Karen is great at removing stains. It splatters me until I’ve drained my body of its sinful desires. The remnants drip from my penis onto my hand that still grips it like a lifeline.
I peek my eyes open to face the consequences of my actions. The liquid is a paler white than the walls and my shirt, thank goodness, and I hope it’ll dry soon. Quickly, I tuck my softening penis away. I managed to calm it down. Who knew that’s all it would have taken? Had I known it would take a matter of minutes, I would’ve dealt with it before Pa came to wake me.
My heart continues to race in my chest. I swipe my hand through the wetness, eager to rid myself of the evidence. But I have nothing to clean myself up with.
Creak.
The sound above me freezes the blood in my veins. If Pa sees me like this, I’m going to be punished much worse.
Spare the rod, spoil the child, he always says.
And the white room is nothing compared to the switches from the tree.
With a hiss of fear, I suck the salty residue off my fingers and swallow it down. Then, I attempt to dry my hand on my slacks just as the black door opens above me. Cool air falls into the space, instantly cooling my flesh, followed by a curtain of long blond hair.
The hammering in my heart calms to match that of my twin.
“Hi, brother,” she chirps as though her peeking her head inside the white room is a normal situation.
It’s not normal.
If Pa saw…
“Karen,” I hiss, scrambling closer to her. “You need to leave.”
Her blond hair sticks to my sweaty skin as I push past the locks to find her face. Her smiling face. Pale blue eyes glitter with happiness.
“Pa said to fetch you. We have a visitor.”
Visitor?
We never have visitors. Karen and I aren’t allowed to have visitors. At Mass is the only time we’re allowed to see other people, and then we come straight home.
“What?” I ask in confusion.
She tugs at my arms, all but dragging me out of the white room. Once I’m in the cool solace of the basement, I squat beside the white room door and push her messy hair from her face so I can see her.
“You heard me, silly,” she teases in a breathy voice. “A visitor. A young man.” She grins at me. “Do you think Pa found me a husband?”
Irritation bubbles in my gut. Surely Pa wouldn’t have found her a husband when I haven’t even received lessons on how to be one. We’re the same age, so if she’s to have a husband, I should have a wife.
My penis twitches in my underwear.
Maude.
“Was Maude there?” I ask, excitement in my voice.
She cocks her head to the side. “Maude? Why would Maude be here?”
“I’m going to marry her,” I tell her boldly.
My sister frowns. “Why?”
“Same reason you’re going to marry the visitor,” I snap, rising to my feet hastily.
She launches to her own feet and glares at me. “You’re mad. Why?”
“I’m not angry.”
“You are,” she argues.
When it’s just the two of us, we sort of put Pa’s rules on hold to just be us for a few stolen moments. Like now. No one sees the side of Karen I see. The one that likes to taunt and provoke. The one who smiles more like a devil than an angel. She’s my twin and I’m allowed this gift. I’m sure God agrees, otherwise he wouldn’t have put us in the womb together. We’ve loved each other before we took our first breath.
“What’s on your shirt?” she asks, her fingers brushing along the evidence of what I’d done in the white room.
My face burns red with shame. “It’s none of your business.” I turn away from her and fly through the buttons angrily. It isn’t until I’ve shed my shirt that I realize what I’ve done. I swivel around in horror to find Karen staring at me in shock.
“Don’t tell Pa,” I plead, my knees shaking with fear.
A man never undresses in front of a woman who isn’t his wife.
A wife never undresses in front of a man who isn’t her husband.
But does it count that we shared a womb naked?
“I won’t tell,” she whispers, her eyes skimming over my bare chest. “I’ll put your shirt in the wash and he’ll never know about the bloodstains.”
Blood.
Oh.
Relief floods through me. I grab her shoulders and pull her to me. All is right when I hug my twin. My other half. It feels right to hold her tight against me, nuzzling my nose in her silky hair.
“Kristopher,” she whispers, her hot breath tickling my chest.
A bust of heat surges down to my penis, which echoes sinful thoughts back to my brain. I harden and a yelp escapes me as I pull away from her. Her brows furrow in confusion.
“Karen!” Pa calls out from the top of the stairs. “Is there a problem?”
“No, sir! I’ll be right up!”
“One of your shirts is hanging there,” she tells me, pointing. “Don’t keep him waiting.” She stands on her toes and brushes a quick kiss to my cheek before scampering off.