“No. If I loved someone, truly loved them, I would have fought for them with everything I had. No one would have taken them away from me.”
Saer stared at me. He nodded, cheeks turning pink. “Then I envy whoever wins your heart.”
The tenderness and genuine sentiment were unexpected, robbing me of my speech. Who was this odd canine? Shame flooded through me. I knew better than to throw my weight around. I put my hand to my heart and bowed my head.
“Forgive me for my appalling behavior. Seems like I keep putting my worst foot forward with you.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” I went over to the couch and dropped down onto it. “I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I’m afraid I’m not going to be very good company on this quest.”
“What matters is that you succeed. We’ll get through this.” His smile was bright, lighting up his whole face. He truly believed his words. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Despite the blow I’d just been dealt, I smiled softly at him. It was sweet, really. I decided not to point out that I was far bigger and heavier than him in both my human form and bear form. It had been some time since I’d journeyed anywhere near the mountain, much less up it, but I was a bear. Nature was in my blood. Sure, I spent as little time as possible outside the palace grounds, but I had instincts he didn’t. My royal bear shifter blood also meant I possessed magic, should I need to draw on it, magic connected to nature. How could a small coyote be the savior of both me and my kingdom?
“I know you think I’m useless to you,” Saer said, his voice quiet as he took a seat beside me. “But I’d die before I fail you.”
I stiffened and turned to him with a growl. “No one is dying on this quest.”
Saer jumped, then nodded slowly.
This was going swimmingly already. I couldn’t seem to keep from lashing out at the poor guy. None of this was his fault. It was best I remember that. I didn’t know much about Saer, but I knew he was honorable, taking on such a quest, and to be so determined to help me. A thought occurred to me.
“If you were banished from your kingdom, where are you living?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Um, I live here. In your palace.”
“Here?” My eyebrows shot up. How had I not known I had a non-bear shifter living in my home? Not that other shifters weren’t permitted in my palace. My kingdom welcomed all who sought to live here in peace. It was the reason I believed him to be a Knightguard. Many of the Knightguard were experienced shifters from other realms who’d left their kingdoms for some reason or another and applied for the positions. Some of the more cunning Knightguards who patrolled the palace grounds late in the evening were Saer’s size. However, I had personally hired every single Knightguard.
This was the first time I’d laid eyes on Saer. I would have certainly noticed him walking around the palace, with his sinewy figure, unruly curls, and soft features. Yet I felt as if I knew him. I’d seen him somewhere before, I was sure of it. I opened my mouth to ask him what his post was, when a knock sounded at the door. I sighed and stood, readying myself for the onslaught of questions.
“Come in.”
The twins barreled into the room, questions flying at me. My sister and mother entered silently, their gazes going to Saer before moving back to me.
“All right, hold on. Take a breath,” I told the twins and held up my hands.
“Why did the king summon you?” Attie asked Saer, who opened his mouth to reply before Turi jumped in.
“I’ve seen you in the south gardens,” Turi said, eyes wide. “You like to shift into your canine form and pounce after the rabbits and run through the maze.”
Saer’s eyes went huge, and he turned to me almost panicked. “I never eat the rabbits, I promise.”
“I believe you,” I said with a chuckle, placing my hand to his shoulder, and I felt the tension ease from him. Somehow that little detail warmed me.
His cheeks were pink again, and he cleared his throat. “I didn’t know anyone was watching.”
The questions started again, but this time aimed at Saer, who looked like a startled deer. Despite wanting answers to the many, many questions my brothers launched at Saer, I took pity on him.
“Boys, that’s enough. Saer has been summoned by the king to help me on my quest.”
“What is your quest?” Nita asked.
I braced myself, explaining first about the supposed plague to my heart, which I doubted existed because I would have known if something were wrong, not to mention the palace doctor routinely checked my health. Then I told them about Saer’s involvement in the matter.
Nita peered at me. “I don’t understand. Why would you need a guide?”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly through my mouth before replying. “My quest takes me to Espen Mountain.”
The air was sucked out of the room, my family staring at me wide-eyed. A wail broke through the silence, and I flinched before I had an armful of bear shifter cubs.
“You can’t go!” Turi cried while big fat tears rolled down Attie’s cheeks.
I lifted my gaze, my heart splintering at the horrified expression on Nita’s face. I needed time with my family alone. Turning to Saer, I was momentarily stunned by the tears in his eyes. Was that heartache and sympathy… for me?
“I’m sorry,” Saer said, voice rough. He blinked away his tears and faced my family, his smile soft. “It probably doesn’t mean much, but I promise to do everything I can to protect him and see him through this.”
I nodded a “thank-you” to him before motioning toward the door. “Prepare what you need. I’ll meet you at the main doors in an hour.”
Saer nodded before hurrying off.
Returning my attention to Nita, I placed the twins on their feet, holding them against me with my right arm while I extended my left out to Nita. She rushed into my embrace, and I brought them all against me, hugging them tight in the hopes they could draw some comfort from me.
“It will all work out. You’ll see.”
“You can’t go,” Nita cried.
I ran a hand over her head, my words quiet. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
“I’m sure that’s what Mom thought the morning he left for the mountain.”
I lifted my gaze to my mother, my heart breaking once more at the pain in her eyes. “That’s not going to happen to me.”
“You don’t know that!” Attie shook his head furiously.
Gently pushing them all at arm’s length, I got down on one knee. “Now listen. I’m not going off to war. Yes, my quest will be dangerous, but I promise, I’ll come back to you. To all of you. Have a little faith in me. Besides, I won’t be alone.”
“Are you kidding?” Turi protested. “I’m bigger than he is.”
“We shouldn’t judge him when we don’t know him,” I scolded gently. “Do you know where he works?”
Attie shrugged. “I thought maybe he works in the gardens since that’s the only place we’ve seen him, but we have so much staff, and a lot of them live and work on the other side of the palace.”
That was true—most of the palace staff worked as part of a team or under someone. We had hundreds of employees, and I realized then that I’d never met all of them. I would have to rectify that as soon as I returned.