Our family put the F U in dysfunctional.
And because I was just as fucked up as the rest of them. “I want another room added on…”
“I’ll even have the trees around the cabin trimmed after first thaw!” He sounded so excited. It was doing nothing for my bitter, butt-hurt mood.
“Or… you could just tell the missus to accept me into the fold, we’ll all be on our best behavior, have a nice holiday with the kids, you’ll sell this cabin and we’ll never speak of this atrocity again?”
“Very funny.” He honest to god thought I was teasing.
My heart sank.
“You do like it, don’t you? Ah, that other stuff aside?”
“It’s perfect,” I lied, wondering if my nose was growing longer or donkey ears were starting to sprout.
“Great,” he enthused. Someone said something in the background, a non-masculine voice. Clearing his throat to cover up the feminine laugh that issued at something he said as he poorly tried to muffle his voice on the phone instead of just hitting the damn mute button, he came back on. “Listen, I’ve got a meeting I’m late for-”
“Really? What’s her name?” I deadpanned.
As if I hadn’t spoken, he let out an overloud laugh that made no sense. In a burst of whispered words, he clipped out, “Ah, Lumi girl?”
“Hm?” Don’t tell me more. No more. Not another word. I don’t want to know. To each their own fetish and freak flag flyin’, just keep it to yourself, man. I really didn't want to know any more.
“Stay out of the back shed, hm?”
“Not a problem,” I clipped out quickly. Before he could say anything else, I hung up on him. Staring at my phone, wanting to bleach it with the rest of this joint, I shuddered and made gagging noises. Argh. Ugh. Blech. No.
It was amazing how much some people changed, how life and their choices changed them. Thinking of his smirking wife and her rude comments, a tiny smirk of my own formed on my lips. It was mean, no one should have to deal with either of their bullshit, but I supposed there was something very cosmically karmic to their unhappy union.
And they were still reproducing… Or were they, I thought as the unkind thought occurred to me.
It was sad to say, but it really wouldn't matter anymore. I wasn’t stupid. This was a get-out-of-my-life gift. I’d be relegated to texts or the infrequent phone call, no more once yearly trips for Christmas.
The only real total loss for me was the boys. Was it really fair to them? I supposed it was fairer than them getting a double mind fuck hearing their mother was a liar. They’d figure that out someday all on their own, no help from me needed. Hopefully.
It was easier for me, I’d concede, and all parties involved because there would be no arguing, pecking or bickering, no daddy let me down talks or you’re wife’s a dick to me, your daughter’s being a bitch but all I said was no one likes a chubby girl, yadda- yadda.
Easier didn’t always mean right.
I didn’t even know why I was acting like I had a say in this.
I knew how this all worked. The writing was on the wall.
“I suppose I should start unpacking,” I muttered, and got to it. About to put my hands on the back of the sofa I stood next to, I paused. “But first, gloves.”
Chapter 5
Even after finding a bottle of disinfectant and having my cleaning way with the entire small cabin, unearthing the small angel globe ornament from Mom in the process, I was feeling no better about this whole cabin-to-keep-out-of-their-life thing. Rummaging around to find there wasn’t a speck of food in this place, nothing, uhm, normally edible—argh—a garbled noise left me and I shuddered. Gross, Dad, just… no. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to look that man in the eye after the hidden ‘goodies’ I’d found. It was a veritable treasure trove of perversion up in here.
Uncaring what he thought, I’d dragged all of his tasteful looking on the outside but full of hidden restraints furniture right out the back door. Too heavy to lug through this thick assed snow, I got each piece as close to the back shed as I could before calling it quits. The backyard looked like a graveyard for hidden perversions home collection, complete with pull out sofa, loveseat, two overstuffed leather armchairs that the bottom cushions slid out of for reasons I wasn’t going to fathom but had an inkling, and a very, erm, unique ‘bench’ I’d covered in trash bags before hefting it out of this heap.
I’d be making him pay for any therapy I might need after this, after he forked over the cash for a cabin remodel. We sat on those sofas as kids! If Mom were here she’d be included in my frowny faced kink shaming, but there was no use reprimanding the dead.
After dragging the untouched chair Mom had used to read to us in the tiny reading nook off from the electric heater, dragging the cloths tied to it off, it was the only piece of furniture in this joint I was willing to trust. I supposed it worked in my favor I’d brought my own bedding for this holiday excursion. All I needed now was supplies.
Redressing, two layers of thick socks, a clean hoodie and mostly dry boots and winter coat on, I was headed back out the door.
Building my mental grocery list, I’d just pulled into the local Stop N Shop when my phone chimed. Glancing at the text, I read aloud, “Thanks for understanding, sweetie. Merry Christmas! Sent you a little something! Dad.” Checking my account on the app on my phone, I blinked, checked the amount, then blinked and checked it again. My mood soured even more than it possibly could. I’d been right. This was goodbye. And he was bribing me like some dirty little secret keeper or soon to be forgotten mistress to stay gone. The terms were left unsaid.
I had a niggling feeling he’d keep a tidy sum coming my way every jolly holiday if it meant I kept gone.
“God, I hate you,” I muttered. Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I blinked away the moisture welling in my eyes. I wasn’t sure who I was saying it more to, myself or him, because if this is what he wanted, fine, whatever, he could go screw himself.
I hated this holiday, hated every damned thing about it. Why was I trying to put on a brave face still? Why try and keep calm and cool and collected? My dad had just basically bought me off with an X-mas bribe and a BDSM cabin. What was anything to having family that actually gave a shit about you?
I supposed I didn’t really have that, hadn’t for a while, but now I had an out on the most depressing time of the year and I could go about my merry ignoring business.
Getting out of the car, slamming the car door shut a little too hard, I was in such a foul mood I was practically snarling.
Two idiots dressed like holiday rejects, one short guy with stupid elf ears and the other sporting enormous, lifelike looking reindeer antlers, bumped me as I stomped past. “Jesus fucking- Watch where you’re going, would ya!”
“Oh. Apologies, Miss…” the shorter male trailed off, gaping at the look on my face as I glared at him.
It wasn’t his fault. It was an accident. I supposed I should be kinder. I wasn’t in a kind mood.
Muttering a, “Whatever,” under my breath, I strode inside the automatic double doors.
“She didn’t use the right door,” I heard one of them whisper to the other as I strode right down the middle of both, even though the exit and entrance sides were clearly marked.