I had a car that I had purchased a few years ago, but I’d left it at Aunt Hannah’s place and had chosen, instead, to walk to the bakery to meet Ray. He’d come over after work to meet me and to show me around. I’d been pleased with the space. Savored was in a good location and it was in decent shape.
Walking home meant I could unwind and think about those things. I could picture the colors I wanted to use and the menu I wanted to create. I could feel the gentle breeze of the evening air on my face. It was autumn, but it was still warm most days. It was at night, really, that you could tell cooler weather was on the horizon.
Besides, if I was being honest with myself, I could afford to do some walking. I’d gained a little bit of weight while dating Jake and even though I didn’t really have a problem with the way that I looked, exercising was going to be a good way to make myself feel more...what was the word?
Energetic?
Was that it?
Maybe that was what I needed: energy. I needed something. I didn’t know how I was going to get what I needed, but walking was a first step. That was all life was, really: a series of steps. You could go forward or backward, but everything you wanted from life started with taking a single step in the correct direction. You just had to know what that right direction really was.
I walked down the bustling downtown street in Ashton, lost in my own thoughts. Everyone seemed to be going around looking for places to eat dinner. People were parking and scurrying into stores before they closed, and a couple of people were on walks and holding hands.
It was nice, I thought suddenly. It was kind of quaint, and it was...
Slow.
It wasn’t as fast and busy as the life I was used to back in KC. This was okay, though. Not everything in life had to be a rush, right? This was a change, and I deserved to have change in my life. That’s what I kept telling myself, anyway. I had to believe in something, even if it was just myself. If I could believe that a slower lifestyle was okay, then I’d be able to get through today, and tomorrow, and then the next day. I was just going to take everything one day at a time, because if I didn’t, I was going to spend too much time thinking about everything I’d lost, and I was going to go crazy.
The walk took less than half an hour and soon I was back in my apartment over the detached garage, taking a hot shower, falling onto bed, and passing out before I could worry about anything else in the world.
THE NEXT MORNING, I headed over to the main house and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” my uncle yelled out. “You don’t have to knock, honey.”
“How’d you know it was me?” I asked, stepping inside directly into the living room. “I could have been a burglar.”
My aunt and uncle were quiet, small-town people. They didn’t have a lot of tech and they didn’t even like knowing about it. They didn’t have a doorbell camera or anything like that. They just knew that nobody else would be coming over quite so early except for me.
“Of course it was you,” Uncle Ray said, peeking into the living room from the kitchen, which was located just behind it. “Your coffee’s almost done. Have a seat. Hannah’s at the table.”
I walked through the living room to the kitchen and dining room area. Sure enough, my aunt was seated at a table with her blanket wrapped carefully around her shoulders. She looked pale, and she looked thinner than she had in the past. Her chemotherapy treatments were hard on her in many ways. The drugs made her feel nauseous, and they made her feel like she wasn’t as strong as she was supposed to be. I knew that bothered her more than she would admit. Hannah didn’t like to depend on other people to help her out. She was wildly independent, and she liked her freedom. She liked being able to do things when she wanted to and not when a doctor gave the okay.
“How are you feeling today?” I asked her. The answer was obvious, but it was a song and dance that we would do. Besides, I still couldn’t shake the idea that asking someone how they were was polite. Even though she looked terrible, I still had to ask.
“Not too bad,” she said, sipping a glass of ice water.
“Liar,” I whispered, smiling at her.
She shrugged, and smiled back at me. Her eyes lit up, and I grinned. She reminded me of my mom so much. The two of them were twins, and until my mom passed away when I was in college, they’d been the best of friends. My entire life, it had felt like I’d actually been lucky enough to have two moms. I’d had double the people looking after me, and I’d had double the people loving me.
“It’ll get better,” I told her.
“I hope so.”
“The doctors say you’re going to be just fine,” I pointed out.
She nodded carefully.
“Sometimes chemo doesn’t work, sweetie.”
“Sometimes it does,” I said.
“Stage four, love,” she whispered, pressing her hand on top of mine. “I love you, sweetie, but I’ve had a good life.” Her words were soft, and I knew they were for my benefit, not her own. I knew that she meant what she was saying, but I didn’t like it.
“Don’t talk like that,” I whispered. I couldn’t bear the idea of her talking like that, like something was going to happen where I’d have to say goodbye to her.
“It’ll be fine,” she said. “I’m a fighter, but we all have to die sometime.”
My aunt was only 61, but I understood what she wasn’t saying. My mom had died of breast cancer, too, and my aunt had already outlived her. That had been tough on her. She’d lost her twin sister. She’d lost her very best friend.
Now she was dealing with the same disease that had stolen away her sister. I would bet anything that Hannah was missing my mom more than ever these days.
Aunt Hannah’s life had been hard, messy, and tricky. She’d been infertile for years and when she’d finally gotten pregnant, she’d had a stillborn. After that, she and Uncle Ray hadn’t tried for kids anymore, and instead, they’d turned to spoiling me. My dad died in a car wreck when I was two, and his family had never been interested in maintaining a relationship with me, so pretty much forever, it had been Uncle Ray, Aunt Hannah, my mom, and me. We’d been our own little weird, wonderful family.
“I love you,” I said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Uncle Ray, who had quietly been working over at the counter, came over to the table and sat down with a tray of breakfast food. Of course, it held the promised coffee, too. I lifted the mug and sipped it, sighing with contentment.
“Good?” He asked.
“Only you know how to make coffee this good,” I told him.
“I learned from the best,” he commented, smiling over at Aunt Hannah.
“Who, my mom?” I winked at Hannah as she feigned offense, and then we all laughed for a minute. It felt good to laugh. It was a comfortable sort of feeling, and I didn’t want it to end even though I knew it probably was going to sooner than we wanted it to. Sure enough, the phone rang, and Uncle Ray scurried to answer. They didn’t have a landline anymore, but he’d left his cell in the living room. We heard him answer and start talking, and I turned back to Aunt Hannah, not wanting to eavesdrop on my uncle’s conversation.
“About the bakery,” I said.