1
The former actress Ayami was sitting on the second flight of stairs in the audio theatre, with the guestbook in her hand.
She was alone. At that point, nothing else had been made known.
With the lights off, the interior of the auditorium seemed as though submerged in murky water. Objects, matter itself, were softly disintegrating. All identity became ambiguous, semi-opaque. Not only light and form, but sound, too. The auditorium held only five two-seater sofas; other than that, the irregular flights of stairs served as a public gallery.
Sitting in this same spot with the guestbook open in front of her, after the day’s performance was over and she had closed the theatre doors; this time was precious to Ayami. Not that the audience members usually wrote down anything special. Now and then, a blind visitor might record something using Braille, but Ayami could not decipher such language. Still, she didn’t sit with the book in her hand in order to read but to listen, quietly, to a voice that faded in and out.
Don’t go far away, even for just one day, because
Because … a day is long, and
I will wait for you.fn1
Ayami was sitting alone in the auditorium because always, at this time of day, an old radio hidden somewhere among the sound equipment turned itself on. Since Ayami was afraid of the static electricity that sparks in machines, cables, microphones and speakers, and believed the disturbance caused by sound waves was able to inflict physical damage, she couldn’t conceive of touching or even peering at the backs of the bulky machines to look for a radio, deliberately concealed among them or just left there by mistake. Though she worked at the audio theatre, her familiarity with the sound equipment only extended to putting the CD of a given performance into the stereo and pressing ‘play’. Now and then, a sound engineer from the foundation would come to check that everything was in working order, but Ayami had never spoken with him.
The engineer wore a baseball cap jammed right down on his head, obscuring his face and making him look like a shadow of himself. He always came on the shuttle bus, even though he never brought any heavy equipment, and there was never anyone else with him. The bus was white, and emblazoned with the foundation’s logo. The theatre director was informed in advance of the precise time of the engineer’s visit, so that any issues could be discussed in person. The director came out to greet the engineer when he arrived, and saw the bus off when he left.
One time, Ayami had wanted to tell the director about the radio, how it switched itself on and off again. It hadn’t yet happened during a performance, but there would be a problem if it did, and Ayami felt the director ought to be informed, given that he was her only colleague and superior.
Pausing outside the open door to the director’s office, as though the thought had only just occurred to her, Ayami turned and said, ‘There’s probably some kind of issue with one of the wires. Maybe a cable for the speakers got connected to this radio by mistake.’
The director looked up from his desk.
‘There’s no radio there that I know of. And it’s strange; I’ve never heard this sound you’re talking about. Then again, I can’t claim to be blessed with especially acute hearing.’
‘Well, I’m not completely sure it’s coming from a radio.’ Ayami wavered, but she’d started now and felt compelled to carry on. ‘I’m just guessing. In any case, now and then, when the theatre’s very quiet, you can hear something – well, no, I suppose all I can say for a fact is that it feels like you can hear something.’
‘What are we talking about, specifically? Music?’
‘No, not that. It sounds like someone reading a book out loud, very slowly; like distant muttering, yes, like someone talking to themselves … a monotonous voice, like the one that reads the shipping forecast, purposefully speaking slowly so that the fishermen have time to make a note of the predictions. South-easterly waves 2.5 metres, south-westerly, slight cloud, rainbow to the south, rain shower, hail, north-easterly, 2, 35, 7, 81 … at least, that’s how it seems to me.’
‘And you usually hear this sound in the evenings, after the performance is over and the sound equipment’s been switched off?’
‘Yes.’
‘In that case, mightn’t it be a sound shadow, left behind after the performance?’
‘A sound shadow?’
‘Like an unknown voice.’
Ayami stared hard at the director, but couldn’t tell whether he was joking or being sincere. Thinking how little she knew about machines, she was still wondering how she ought to respond when he saved her the trouble.
‘When the engineer comes the day after tomorrow, I’ll tell him to take a look at it, see what’s going on, OK?’
‘Yes, I understand. But I …’
‘What?’
‘It’s just, I felt it was my duty to inform you … I just thought I ought to let you know about it.’
‘And so?’
‘To be honest, whether the sound’s coming from a radio, or some kind of shadow like you say, it’s not actually that loud. Even if it were to switch itself on during a performance, the sound effects would probably cover it up.’
The director’s lips seemed to twitch into the merest hint of a smile, though perhaps it was only a muscle spasm.
‘So you wanted to let me know that you’ve been hearing some mysterious radio broadcast, but that it’s not disturbing you?’
‘That’s right.’
Before the director could say anything else, Ayami had hurried back to her usual spot in the library.
Late afternoon, with the sun bowing low in sky, the heavy orange radiance of the last light flooded horizontally into the building, but the world of the interior, where the lights were off, was already half sunk in darkness. The day’s performance had been attended by five high school boys, a man who looked to be their form teacher, and a girl with a severe visual impairment, her eyes visible only as slender slits. The pupils kept fidgeting throughout the performance, and sprang up from their seats before it had properly finished. They practically flew out of the auditorium, yelling and shoving as they went through the glass door. The door swung back so suddenly it severed them from their shadows, which were left behind like dark ghosts.
The visually impaired girl was the last of the visitors to leave the auditorium. When she said goodbye, her middle finger brushed the back of Ayami’s hand and then continued round to find a certain spot on the inside of her wrist. A brief gentle pressure, as though wanting to take Ayami’s pulse. In that moment, Ayami was struck by the thought that the girl was inviting her along, in her own particular way.
The girl was oddly dressed, in a plain coarse-textured white cotton hanbok, which gave off the strong scent of starch. Her thick black hair was secured in a low ponytail, and rough hemp sandals poked out from beneath the hem of her skirt.
Ayami wasn’t the only former actress who’d found herself in the role of office worker-cum-librarian-cum-ticket seller at the audio theatre managed by the foundation.
Before her, the position of office clerk had been filled by a string of other women who also had connections with the theatre industry, mainly as actors. The one who’d stuck it out the longest had stayed for three months; one woman had only managed three hours. No one had come even close to Ayami’s two-year tenure. Frankly speaking, the job was tedious. Especially, that is, for young women more used to the excitement of acting. Here, the only people they ever saw were the few who came along to the audio performances, almost all high school pupils, university students or blind people. Her predecessors had all quit before their contract was up; perhaps due mainly to the fact that opportunities to meet men were so rare as to be practically non-existent. Not just any men, but the kind of men considered eligible by women whose youth and ambition sadly outstripped their limited means.