Prologue – Kathryn
His light fingers leave a trail of warmth along my cheek. My eyes meet his blue ones and we begin to lean in. The meaning behind this kiss feels heavy as if this moment has always existed and been waiting here for us, building up intensity in anticipation. The electric between us charges the air into something almost tangible. His breath mixes with mine in the closing gap between our lips.
The vision that encompasses my mind rips away and leaves me standing with my hands in cold dishwater. How long had I been standing here? And why do I keep having these powerful daydreams?
No, not daydreams. They’re stronger and more vivid than simply getting lost in thought. They capture my entire being and take me on a trip far away. But where? And with who?
I never see his full face or hear his name. But he knows mine. He’s called me Katie in countless dreams, the longing of being with me clear in his voice.
I pull the plug in the sink and dry my hands. The soft carpet in the living room welcomes my bare feet. I draw back the curtain screening the window on my front door. The darkness swallows the houses on my street, and the path into town is empty except for two angels leading a girl toward the forest. Their hands are clamped around her arms and it appears she is struggling to break free of their hold.
But that wouldn’t make any sense. Not here anyways.
PART ONE: KATHRYN
CHAPTER ONE
My head is spinning. The black spotted vision of the world around me comes in and out of focus making the nausea harder to ignore. But I must ignore it before he notices I’m not okay. One deep breath. Two. My mind whirls as I grasp for words.
“Today was gorgeous!” Sitting in the grass next to the picnic Scotty put together, I lean back on my hands and close my eyes as the evening sun warms my face.
“Not as gorgeous as you.” Scotty stands up and offers me his hand.
“Do you ever get tired of being a cheeseball?” I ask as I take his hand and let him pull me into his embrace, thankful for the stability his arms offer. I inhale his woodsy based cologne.
“Not at all. I’m surprised you still put with me.” He pulls away enough to look at my face. I stare into his eyes. Their shade is such a delicate blue resembling ice crystals forming when the sun hits them just right. I trace the shape of his clean-shaven face with my eyes, all the way from his chin to the top of his head where his black hair hangs a little more unruly than usual.
We gather our crumpled chip bags and half empty jars of peanut butter and jelly. I neatly fold the red checked blanket while mentally grounding my dizzy self before returning to Scotty’s side. He grabs the picnic basket in one hand and my hand in the other as we walk around the lake that sits in the middle of the seemingly endless green fields of the town park. Ducks glide across the glossy water, their distant honks mixed in with the soft tweets of small robins perched in the trees above my head. When the path narrows, a fluffy white rabbit scampers away from us, disappearing over the hill.
“Have you been okay lately? You seem a little distracted today.” Scotty pulls me out of my daydreaming, stopping our stroll and making me look at him.
“What do you mean?” I bite my lip and avert my gaze from his worried expression, hiding behind a curtain of light blonde hair.
“You know what I mean, Katie.” He lifts my chin, so I have to look at him. “Is the medicine helping? Are you still feeling overwhelmed and anxious?”
My stomach starts to turn again. “I’m alright, Scotty. No need to make a fuss out of this.”
“I’m not. I just care about you and want to make sure you’re happy, which is harder to do when we’re apart.”
I sigh. “I know, but I’m fine. I’ve been happy today with you, haven’t I? It’s better when I don’t think about it.” Most of the time.
“Okay, just know that I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We start walking again. I know he’s worried about me. My family is too, but they shouldn’t be. Whatever has put me into this slump will pass and I will be okay again.
Feeling overwhelmed, my heart begins racing again. My mind returns to just two months ago during the semester’s move-in weekend. The college prepares a big meal on the quad for students and their families every year. I had my parents and Scotty with me but somehow in the mass chaos of hungry bodies, I’d become separated from them. I remember the sharp jabs of panic in my stomach and the tightness in my chest as I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. It felt like it was never going to end, until it did, with me blacking out. I’ve grown up with mild social anxiety and don’t like being around a lot of people, but it’s never felt that intense. The doctors said it was a panic attack and put me on some medication.
I seem to be doing better now. I don’t have those attacks anymore if I take the meds, but when I think about it my heart beats a little harder and my mind clouds. I need to work harder to stay in control.
I turn my attention back to the unseasonably warm March day. The fresh air cradles the exposed skin peeking out from my white and yellow sundress. The weather hints at an early return of spring, evident by the horizontal lines that cut across the freshly mowed grass. A pleasant light breeze rustles the rainbow of colored feathers intertwined with my long hair.
“I have one more surprise for you.” Scotty again pulls me from my thoughts.
“How can there possibly be more? You’ve outdone yourself this time.” Warmth radiates through my body.
Scotty leads me to the weathered, wooden dock and we sit on its edge. I unstrap my white sandals and dip my toes into the chilly water.
“Close your eyes,” he instructs.
I obey and feel the cool metal of a necklace as he hooks it around my neck. My eyes fly open and I look down to see a heart-shaped silver locket with my blue Sapphire and his yellow Topaz birthstones on the outside. I open it to see a black and white picture of Scotty and I from our senior prom and a quote that says, “Love never dies.”
“A locket?”
“I know you like classics.” His triumphant smile lights up like a fourth of July sky.
“It’s perfect. Thank you.” I lean in and kiss his lips softly, savoring the warmth of his face so close to mine.
“Happy three-year anniversary sweetheart.” He kisses my forehead then I rest against his shoulder and watch the sun sink lower into the glittering lake. My internal storm calms and I welcome the peaceful silence that hangs between us.
As the last traces of light disappear below the horizon, we wander back up the streetlamp lit path. I watch moths flock to the murky yellow lights and hover as if trapped in an invisible fence. I wrap my arms around myself as the dropping temperature brings goosebumps onto my skin. Scotty’s truck sits in the parking lot that has emptied with the setting of the sun. The beaten older model white Ford may not look impressive, but Scotty is proud of it. The summer after he got his license, he worked every odd job the neighbors offered to make enough money to buy it himself.
The door squeaks in protest as he opens it for me. My bare legs rub against the ripped fabric as I slide into my seat. I click the seatbelt into place smiling to myself recalling the first time I rode in this truck.