He lifted his chin, swallowing back the emotions whizzing through him. He watched the strands of her black hair whip around her face. Her skin was so smooth and her lips so red.
Heat flickered inside him and he frowned. What the drak was that?
“How do you function with this morass of conflicting emotions inside you?” he asked.
Simone’s lips tilted into a smile. “To feel is to be human.” She paused. “I guess the word human doesn’t quite apply here. Feelings make us alive, Toren. They drive us to create, to risk, to live.”
He squeezed the railing. “I don’t want to feel. It makes my job difficult. I need control.”
“But you also miss out on so much. Happiness, excitement, anticipation, love.”
He shook his head.
“The other cyborgs, your friends, they’ve all started to feel. They’ve fallen in love and care deeply for others. Do you think that they’d take those emotions away now?”
No. He’d seen Magnus with Ever and their daughter, Asha. And he’d seen the others with their mates.
Those men would kill for the women they loved. They’d risk everything for them and the love they shared.
“I know nothing of love. Only duty, honor, purpose.”
“Sounds lonely,” she said.
He looked at her. “Do you love?”
“Of course. I love my daughter.”
“And her father?”
Simone’s mouth flattened. “I used to. I thought I did.”
Toren studied her face carefully. “I don’t understand emotions well, Simone—”
She let out a breath. “In the beginning, he wooed me, treated me well.” She sighed. “He was a fellow scientist, and I thought we had so much in common. He was wonderful, until we got married. Then I wasn’t exciting enough, interesting enough, or attractive enough.”
Toren blinked. Simone was one of the most attractive women he’d ever seen. She had a long, elegant body, an attractive face, beautiful hair. “I don’t understand.”
She tossed her head back. “I wasn’t enough. He hurt me, broke my trust, and then my heart.”
Toren turned back to look at the city. “Isn’t that proof that love and emotions are not good things?”
“I don’t ever want to fall in love with a man again, but loving Grace is one of the best things in my life.” She reached out and touched Toren’s arm.
Electricity zinged through him and he frowned at the sensation. “You don’t want to love again?”
She shook her head violently. “Been there, done that. Never again.” Her fingers stroked his forearm. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel. Emotions are messy. They don’t run in a straight, predictable line. You can’t have the highs without the lows.”
She pulled back.
“I’m still not sure that any emotions are a good thing,” he said.
“Just feel. Stop trying to control it and roll with it.”
He scowled. “What?”
“You’re too busy trying to tame your emotions, and doing that is tearing you apart. Ride them out instead.”
Now her words made some sense. Instead of fighting his feelings, he could ride the wave.
She turned to face him. “Have dinner with Grace and me.”
“Dinner?” He normally ate a nutritionally balanced, bland meal provided by the House of Rone kitchens.
“Grace would love that.” Simone smiled. “I’d like it.”
He nodded. “All right.”
Simone stirred the food cooking in the pan. She was so glad that Ever had arranged quarters for her that included a small kitchenette. She enjoyed cooking, had missed it, and loved cooking for herself and Grace.
Nearby, Grace was babbling to Toren. Simone glanced over. Her baby was bouncing off the walls while, for once, Toren actually looked relaxed. Tonight, he wore a tight shirt in a rich, deep-blue color that suited him. It was so snug that she could see the outline of his abs beneath it. His long, blond hair was pulled back at the base of his neck.
A curl of traitorous heat moved through her belly and she almost bobbled the frypan.
God. Cheeks burning, she looked away. She hadn’t felt attraction to anyone in a very long time, and she didn’t want to feel it again.
She reached over, grabbed a pot of boiling water, and drained the vegetables. They were lime green and pink, like nothing they had back on Earth, but she’d been assured they tasted good.
You are far from home, Simone.
She heard the deep rumble of Toren’s voice. The alien cyborg was a big clue to that as well.
“Okay, everyone at the table,” she called out.
“May I help you?” Toren asked.
She shook her head. “Sit. I’ve got this.”
Simone started serving up the food.
“Doesn’t my mom look pretty tonight?” Grace said.
She shot her daughter a frown.
“Your mother is very attractive,” Toren said. “She has very shiny hair, healthy skin, a body that is in good proportions.”
He listed her attributes in such a matter-of-fact tone that Simone stifled a laugh. “I have all my teeth, too.”
His brows drew together and she realized that he didn’t understand the Earth reference. Shaking her head, she sat down. “Eat.”
She watched him gingerly try some things on the plate.
“I promise I’m a good cook,” she told him.
Grace nodded. “Mom’s cooking is the best.”
“It’s not that,” he said. “Before…my injury, I couldn’t tolerate strong flavors.”
Simone gasped. “You should’ve told me.”
“Now, I’m not so sure.” He nibbled on the meat and his eyes widened. “This is very good.”
She watched him plow into the food, making some small, appreciative sounds in his throat. From across the table, Grace giggled.
Simone had only taken a few mouthfuls before Toren emptied his plate.
“More?” she asked.
“Yes, please.”
She loaded up a second plate for him. Watching him eat had warmth blooming in her chest. Michael had hated her cooking, while Toren’s appreciation was plain.
Ugh, the last thing she needed right now was to think of her ex-husband.
After dinner, Grace begged to show Toren her room. “Please, Mom.”
Simone set their plates in the washer. “Oh, all right.”
Toren patiently let the girl drag him to the doorway of her room.
“You have many shades of purple,” he said.
“It’s my favorite color.”
Simone leaned against the counter and watched them. The big cyborg towered over Grace, but gave her his full attention. Simone felt a flutter in places she had no business feeling flutters.
Her smile slipped. She didn’t want to be attracted to him, to anyone. Her marriage had almost destroyed her, and now, after surviving the Edull, she needed to focus on building a new life for her and Grace.
And helping to find Bellamy Walsh. Simone had seen the fit blonde at the Edull’s battle arena. Her fellow Helios crewmember was out there, somewhere, suffering.
“It is very…vibrant,” Toren said.