Squeezing some more gel onto her fingers, she gently smoothed it around his swollen eye. “You can’t drown out the emotions or ignore them.” She’d tried that when her marriage imploded.
Her husband had decided Simone was boring, and that being a father was also boring. He might have been a genius scientist, but he’d partied, cheated, and put Simone down daily until he’d destroyed any semblance of love she’d had for him. She’d finally conceded defeat and divorced him.
She swallowed the bad taste away. She’d tried to save her marriage, but it had only made her feel worse. She’d wanted to escape her feelings, just like Toren.
It was a foolish dream.
“You have to learn to deal with the emotions, Toren.”
He turned to look at the wall, stone-faced.
“I can help you.” She pressed a hand to his knee. “If you’ll let me.”
He stood abruptly. “No one can help me.”
He strode out.
Simone’s chin dropped to her chest. Damn. The sense of helplessness reminded her of being in the hands of the Edull.
She closed her eyes. She had no idea what to do next.
Chapter Two
He woke up with a shout, his sheets tangled around his legs.
Toren sat up and heaved in a breath.
He’d been dreaming. He’d never dreamed before. He pulled in some breaths, trying to calm his racing pulse.
At first, the dream had been of his past. His fingers curled in the bedding. He’d been taken as a teenager by a local warlord and then transformed in the warlord’s dungeons. Toren closed his eyes, remembering the screams, the pain. He’d had implants added, his emotions had been shut off, all to make him the perfect personal-security cyborg. He’d existed to protect the warlord at all costs.
Slowly, over time, his emotions had faded until he’d barely felt anymore.
Toren had spent years protecting his warlord. One day, his master had come to Kor Magna to attend some illegal fights in the underground fight rings that had once raged below the city.
It was during that visit that a rival warlord had attacked.
There had been a brutal, massive fight that had ended in several explosions.
The warlord and the other cyborgs in his group had been killed. Toren had been badly injured. He’d woken in a regen tank to see Magnus Rone’s icy face. The imperator had offered him a home, a life, a purpose.
Toren had thrived at the House of Rone…until now. Now, he was sidelined. Unable to do his job.
Useless.
He rose and moved into his bathroom. His gaze snagged on his reflection in the mirror. There were no signs of his injuries from the night before, thanks to Simone’s care.
Thinking of the night before made him think of her. Of her fingers on his skin, of the worry on her face.
Emotions swelled inside him. These warmer ones he didn’t recognize.
Grinding his teeth, he fought to shut it off. He flicked on the shower and stepped under the spray of cold water.
After he’d showered, he pulled on leather trousers and clipped on a harness. Ordinarily, if he wasn’t training, he’d coordinate with the healers on any new enhancements they were creating and with any clients who wanted to purchase the technology. But now, even that work had been taken away from him while he recovered. He needed something to take his mind off things, to keep him busy. He headed down to the training arena.
There were several gladiators and recruits out running training drills. Mace and Acton were already on the sand, swinging their swords. When the cyborgs spotted him, Mace paused, lowering his weapon. “You’re not supposed to be training.”
Toren scowled. “I’m training.” He went to the weapons rack and lifted an axe. “I have no weapon implanted now.” He fought back the aching sense of loss, and swung the axe through the air, testing its weight. “Time for me to train with something else.”
He felt the others regard him with concern, but headed over to the training dummies lined up for gladiators and cyborgs to practice with. He swung the axe, hard and fast, slamming it into the dummy.
The blade sliced deep.
“You appear calmer today,” Acton said.
Before he’d fallen in love with Sage, Acton had always been the most cyborg of them all. He had two prosthetic arms and a lot of other enhancements. Before, Acton had felt very little, but then Sage had arrived and brought him to life.
Now Acton reveled in his feelings, while Toren just wanted to turn his off.
Mace murmured something to Acton. They talked quietly, but Toren’s enhanced hearing picked up one word. Edull.
His muscles tensed. “What about Edull? Did you find Bari Batu?”
The two cyborgs traded looks.
Toren’s anger spiked. “I deserve to know. I’m not totally broken.”
“Toren—”
He hated Mace’s placating tone. “Don’t act like I’m a drakking child.”
His sharp tone cut across the training arena, and on the other side of sand, several recruits looked over at them.
Mace heaved out a breath. “You need time to recover—”
“What if I don’t recover? What if I can never shut these emotions off?”
“Then you’ll deal with them, like we did,” Acton said. “You might even like them in time.”
Toren growled, then turned. He threw the axe. It whistled through the air and slammed into the dummy, setting it rocking. “I’m useless like this.”
Acton lifted a prosthetic hand. “Toren—”
“The Edull,” Toren bit out. “Tell me what you know.”
“Nothing yet,” Mace growled. “Just rumors. Magnus, along with Galen, Rillian, and Zhim are tracking down all leads and sightings around the Edull’s underground lake.”
Toren’s heart pounded. The lake was where he’d been tortured. “The city and battle arena must be close.”
Mace shrugged. “Rillian did some flyovers. They didn’t spot anything.”
Rillian, owner of the Dark Nebula Casino, was a wealthy ally. He’d been pouring a lot of time and money into developing ships that could navigate the desert and its sands that affected most engines.
And yet, the Edull remained hidden.
“I want to find them.” Anger was like a bubble, growing bigger and bigger inside Toren. “I want to kill them all.”
He couldn’t breathe.
Acton held out a hand, the black-and-silver metal glinting in the sunlight. “Toren, you need to calm down. I believe some deep breathing—”
“Drak calming down!” Toren’s rage exploded.
He strode to the dummy and yanked out the axe. Then he slammed it into the dummy again and again, hacking at it. Pieces of the dummy went flying.
Mace touched his shoulder and, with a roar, Toren swung around, leading with the axe.
Acton moved quickly, shoving forward and knocking the axe out of Toren’s hands.
With a growl, Toren attacked the cyborg. Acton blocked the blows, and Toren led with a violent kick that sent Acton skidding back in the sand.
“Toren,” Mace growled.
But Toren was too far gone. He was a raging mass of emotion.
He let out a roar and attacked.