The moment Momma B stepped in the house, she made a point to pull me into her arms and hold me the way my mom used to. Fresh tears had welled in my eyes at this touch. That night she’d stayed with me, holding me the same way Cleo and Ally did. When morning came, Momma B dragged me out of my room, put me in the shower, and made me face the day. During the afternoon she’d taken me to my first meeting with the support group.
I’ve gone to every one of them since. I also started texting my brother and finally taking his calls. I know I hurt him by shutting him out but at the time it’s what I needed to do and now he’s been asking me to come home.
At first, I thought I could go back to Stonewall University, be there with Ember, only sweat started to bead along my forehead at the thought. Granted I’ve talked to Ember, Dex, and Josh, but I decided I didn’t want to go back there. I made this decision before I knew my brother had already packed up my belongings and brought them home. I’m sure I should be upset but I’m not, I can get my psych degree closer to home. Well when I was ready to take a leap at it.
With my twentieth birthday coming up I want to be with my family, but I’m scared.
Through texts I talked more with Nerd.
Found out his favorite color was green. Movie anything with Iron Man in it. Music, pretty much everything Rock. But his favorite band was Pantera. I also now knew he could be super corny making me love him more than ever before.
And this is why I’m scared, because I know if I go home, he’ll take one look at me and turn away. I mean if I can feel the dirt and grime covering my skin, I’m sure he’ll be able to see it.
“Cara, kiddo, you still with me,” Coyote asks, drawing me from my thoughts.
Clearing my throat, I answer my brother, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m not ready yet. I will soon though. I promise.”
Sighing, I can almost picture Coyote shaking his head with his head bent. I love my brother, no matter how much he and I butt heads. He’s the only person I have left in this world that loves me as much as I love him. “Okay, but don’t wait too long. I want you home where you belong. I also want you to meet your nephew that’s already here and the baby Tinsley’s carrying.”
Tinsley, I knew from our conversations via text was sweet. I’ve come to really like her. She isn’t like most women I’ve known to be around the club. Then again, I don’t know many since I was only around the club for events.
“I got it, Coyote. I’ll come home soon,” I murmur to appease him.
“Alright, we’re heading out this evening for a surprise party the ol’ ladies are hosting at some club.” Sounds fun.
Not really. I don’t want to even think about going to some club. It’s where they found me, drugged me and finally got a hold of me after following Josh and I back to the dorms. Yeah, nope, I’m good on never setting foot in another club again.
The two of us talk for a few more minutes before we hang up.
Laying back on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling as I think about everything roaming around in my head. During group, we talked about what’s on our minds and for example, today I’d talked about how I still felt the dirt coating my skin.
A woman named Mackenzie who’d joined the group a week ago, told us some of her story and I felt guilty that the dirt I wore was nothing compared to hers. Ashamed by these feelings, I avoided texting Nerd back since getting home.
At the ping of my phone, I lift it up off the bed and unlock the screen to read Nerds text.
Nerd: Babygirl, how did it go today?
The way he calls me babygirl sends tingles throughout my body. Tingles I shouldn’t be feeling for anyone. But it was Nerd, and no one was like him. He held my heart and didn’t even know it.
Nerd: Why aren’t you responding, Cara?
I groan inwardly at reading Nerd’s message. It’s been hours and nearly midnight. I still haven’t responded to his message.
Honestly, I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling at the moment. Conflicted by wanting to go home but at the same time wanting to hide and not wanting the filth covering me to touch any of the people I care about.
Knowing he’s probably upset, I decide to give him an answer.
Me: I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow or whenever.
Hitting send, I start to freak out all over again.
Damnit.
The air in the room becomes stifling and I throw my phone on the bed, getting up off the bed. Leaving my room, I head for the backdoor of Rage and Cleo’s house. Once outside, I sit on the wooden steps facing the darkened back yard.
Staring into the darkness, I contemplate my life.
I have a choice.
Let those monsters win by calling defeat now and running away. Or I fight the demons in my head, find a way to beat them back and make the filth finally wash away.
Making choices shouldn’t be this difficult but I know what my decision should be. It’s only now a matter of gaining the courage to do it.
Chapter Six
Nerd
“I don’t know about you all but I’m thinking us single brothers should head out to DP for some real fun,” I mutter, shoving my phone back in my pocket as I stand up. I’d been holding it in my hand all night worried about Cara and that shit she just sent me was fucked up.
Excuse me if I wanted to make sure she was good after her session today. For the past two months we’d been texting every day.
“I’m down with that,” Whip chuckles, getting to his feet from where he’d been sitting at the same table as me.
“Shit, might as well,” Shadow grumbles. He’s been in a sour mood since we got here and even more so as he watched the women, especially Luna, dancing.
“What’s up, Doll?” Stoney asks his ol’ lady, Rachel, as all the women got close enough to hear us. Each of them with worried expressions on their faces.
What the hell’s going on?
“Luna wasn’t in the bathroom,” Rachel states.
“What?” Shadow snarls his demand. This I should find interesting, but I know he’s got a thing for Luna and is merely fighting himself from taking what he wants.
“You don’t think someone took her, do you?” Tinsley asks, quietly as she steps into Coyote’s embrace. Damnit that’s the kinda shit I wanna have with Cara.
“I don’t know, Luce Mia. We’ll find out though,” Coyote says reassuringly to his woman.
“I’m going to go find out what those bitches were talking about,” Victoria declares, her gaze focused on a couple women who were standing over by the bar. Women, I might add, trying to approach a couple of us as we hit the bar a bit ago and got the brush off.
“You talkin’ about those three at the bar?” Shadow asks Victoria, as he turns to follow her gaze.
“Yep. Those are the ones who came out of the hallway earlier cackling like a bunch of hyenas as they looked at all of us,” she hisses. Victoria can be one unpredictable woman when she wants to be and right now, I don’t know what she’s planning in that head of hers.
Possibly dismemberment of the bitches she’s glaring daggers at.
“Let’s worry about that later and find out where Luna is.” Stoney’s voice booms leaving no room for argument.