“Rage.” He holds a hand up to stop me from protesting.
“Went through this shit with Cleo, Cara. Said that. What you need to know is, I walked away from her when I shouldn’t have. If I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have gone months without me at her side. Now you have a shit ton of people wanting to take you back. One man in particular, besides Coyote. You didn’t see him but I did. He’s pissed and looking for blood. If you don’t get the help you need soon, he’ll begin doing something you would probably choose to have done differently,” Rage says, getting right to the punch of it all.
With his statement made, Rage leaves closing my door behind me. Alone with my thoughts, I let his words weigh on my mind. Sifting through his and Nerd’s words, I make a decision I may or may not regret.
Pulling my phone out, I pull up a number set in my phone. I take a deep breath as I type out my message.
Me: Hey Nick.
Here goes nothing.
Choosing him to talk to is better than no one. I just hope it’s the right choice
Chapter Four
Nerd
Babygirl: Hey Nick.
Staring at my phone, I read the words over and over as if they were merely an image of my imagination.
When Cara screamed, demanding I leave, I knew the reasons behind them, and I was giving this play to her even though I didn’t want to. My girl has been beaten down and feels the pain both mentally and physically. She’s not in a place right now to let me help her the way I want or need to.
Rage had pulled my brothers and myself aside in the hallway outside her room and told us to head home and give him two-weeks, tops. I wanted to protest and argue that that wasn’t going to happen until he’d explained his reasons. Let Cleo and the women from their club help her for now. Cleo and Ally would be able to help her start to heal the quickest rather than us taking her home where she’ll be suffocated by everyone around.
As much as I hated to admit he was right, I did. But before leaving the hospital, I made sure to tell Cara, even in her sleep, she would always be my girl.
Coyote had been far beyond being pissed when we got to the clubhouse without his sister. My brothers and I pulled him into the room we hold church to explain why she didn’t come with us.
This didn’t go over well either.
We’d ended up calling Tinsley in to calm Coyote down as we finished explaining the rest of it to him. Not having siblings, I don’t know what it’s like when it comes to feelings of failure in protecting a sister. However, I can distinguish the difference in those close to you that are considered family and the ones you share the bond of growing up with. And Coyote had helped raise his little sister. When their dad was killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he’d taken on the role of being the man of the house. Coyote nor Cara ever talk about their parents. Not really. After Coyote had to put his mom in a special home that could assist her with her mobility issues, she’d told him to never come back. Told him that he nor Cara needed to see her the way she was. That she wasn’t able to be there for them as a mother should.
I remember Cara crying into her brother’s chest on her eighteenth birthday and wanting to call their mom. Coyote had to explain to her once again this was something they couldn’t do. The nurses who work at the specialty home have it noted she doesn’t want any visitors and until she changes her mind, they won’t allow it.
The fact Cara’s mom refuses to have visitors sucks. Because Cara could probably use her right about now. Then again, Momma B took off this afternoon, tellin’ Bear she was heading to see her babies and we all know she means more than just her son and grandkids. She was going to Cara.
Now Cara has opened the line to me.
Sighing, I shake my head as I type out my response.
Me: Hey babygirl. You okay?
Hitting send I put my phone down and turn back to my computer while I wait for her to respond back to me. I have work to do. One being find the fuckers who took her in the first place. It’s as if they’d vanished into thin air overnight. But I’ll find the trail to them, even if I have to pull in Gadget, Cy, and Keys. We’ll find them and when we do, they’re dead, every last one of them.
Clocking the time when the device beeps, I notice it took about ten minutes for Cara to message me back.
Hesitation.
Opening the phone, I pull up her message.
Babygirl: Define okay?
Fuck.
Me: There’s all forms of okay, Cara. One, you’re alive and breathing. Two, you’re okay physically but not mentally. Three, vice versa mentally okay but not physically. Four, none of the above but better today than you were the day before.
Sending the message, I wait for her to answer.
This time it comes in faster.
Babygirl: None of the above. I’m breathing but I’m not alive. Not anymore. I’m neither physically nor mentally okay. And nothing is better than the day before. I’m dead on the inside.
Motherfucker! Her words have a way of gutting me with the depths of pain coming from them.
Me: Oh, babygirl, you’re not dead on the inside. It’s just the wound is too fresh to know up from down, left and right. You’ll get there. When you do, I’ll be here for you. So, will everyone else.
This started our conversation as she started to open up to me.
Babygirl: I don’t know why you would want to be there for me. I’ll never be me again. I can’t go back to the way I used to be. Not after . . . you know.
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean, Cara. But you don’t have to go back to the way you used to be. What you do is find a way to heal and grow into a new you. As for why I would want to be there for you, I’d do anything for you, babygirl. Always. When you’re ready, I’ll be here to catch you or to anchor ahold of in the dark of night. Promise you this. No one will ever touch you again. You’re mine and I’m giving you the time you need right now; however, you want to text or call me I’m here.
Laying it out there for Cara, I hope she gets where I’m coming from with what I just sent her.
Cara doesn’t respond right away to my last text and I begin to think she’s not going to message me back.
Glancing to the corner of the screen, I take in the time. Nearly 8 p.m. Momma B should be at Rage’s right about now. And I honestly need to get out of here for a bit. Only I don’t want to go to Dolly’s Playhouse, I lost interest in seeing that shit a long time ago. I would rather use my hand than let one of those women touch me.
Besides the only woman I want touching me is Cara, even if it is a year from now. I’m gonna do right by her by showing her I don’t want anyone but her.
Chapter Five
Cara
Two months later
“Are you sure you don’t want to come home yet?” my brother asks after I decline coming home once again.
Since the day Rage said his piece and I texted Nerd, I started going to this victim’s support group Ally and Cleo told me about. I didn’t want to go to an actual counselor. I felt they wouldn’t be able to understand where I was coming from. Being around others who have experienced similar yet different scenarios I felt connected.
One person to help me break through after the texting with Nerd was Momma B. Evidently, she didn’t like the fact I wasn’t at home where she could set eyes on me. So, she used coming down here to visit her granddaughter as her excuse to get to me.